Living a Happier Life

.

.
.

Preface

This page contains some links and informal suggestions for the general reader from a strictly lay point of view that may be helpful starting points for persons seeking to find greater lasting happiness, contentment and joy in their lives.

For those in a hurry, skip the research notes/findings,
... and go directly to the Summary of things you can do now to increase your happiness, contentment and joy.

This page is intended to be independent of specific philosophical and religious views, though it will have an underlying tendency toward Christian thinking in the western world and toward so-called "new age" thinking. This page recognizes that religious views can be pivotal in both understanding and implementing any improvements in a person's sense of contentment and well-being. Those specific aids and remedies are best found among the person's religious beliefs and their reliable sources of religious thinking and teaching. Dr. Fordyce points out, for example, that "happy individuals have well-developed philosophical or religious beliefs that provide them the satisfying sense of meaning, importance, and significance in their life. They seem to have a marvelously developed sense of personal direction that comes from those beliefs and values" that are completely independent of the specific religious or philosophical beliefs themselves. Some researchers call this phenomenon "Religious Structural Stability"; and there are plenty of papers on this subject for those whose faith focus is helpful in character building of all sorts, not just happiness.    
. The items presented here are oriented toward what has been found by researchers and others among broad populations holding widely differing philosophical and religious views. There is a surprising uniformity of beliefs and values associated with well-being and contentment across the ages and across cultures and philosophies; and they are all different. And there is wide agreement that happiness is one of the most important goals we seek. Although as a field of study, it is only a few decades old, a few sources of research findings and suggestions are mentioned here in the hope that they will be helpful and will resonate for those on a quest to improve their own everyday levels of happiness, contentment, inner peace and joy. The ones that resonate just now are the ones to pursue just now, I have found.
.
.
“The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present.”⁴
.
.
Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom. 
.
__________________________________________
.

Table of Contents for this page:

• Preface.

• Living a Happier Life. - Research findings outlining steps to your own Happiness, Joy, Contentment and Peace from several points of view, often with exercises, examples and stories.

• Dr. Martin Seligman - paper on "Positive Psychology," and his Authentic Happiness website: getting on to the happy, happier and happiest states.

• Wallace Wattles landmark work "The Science of Getting Rich" that introduced positive thinking to the western world.

• Gretchen Rubin's entries on The Happiness Project are current, well-researched and articulate. She has tonnes of ideas; and there are lots of comments.

• Marci Shimoff - "Happy for No Reason: 7 steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out," (with great ideas, exercises and stories to help us remember).

• Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi - notes on "Flow" (that state of enjoyment where you completely forget the passage of time). How do we create the conditions for "flow" to be a common occurrence rather than a random peak experience?
.
• Dr. David D. Burns and his mood therapy book Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy, the clinically proven drug-free Treatment for Depression.

• Dr. Jonathan Haidt strikes the balance (and points out the necessity) of seeking happiness both from within, and in cooperative relationships with others.

• Dr. Wayne Dyer, "Seven Secrets of a Joyful Life" and "Eight ways to tap into the power of intention and feel great every day."
.
• Dr. Michael Fordyce - "Human Happiness: Its Nature and Its Attainment," his on-line book. Includes 14 Fundamentals for Attaining Happiness from GetHappy.net.
.
• Dr. Jill Taylor has brought us "My Stroke of Insight: A Harvard Brain Scientist's Personal Journey." It is her story of recovery from a stroke.

• Joel Osteen - many books on optimism, positive thinking and happiness from the happiest couple to be on Larry King Live.

• Dr. Richard Layard - a summary of "Towards a Happier Society. The secrets of Happiness" as a public policy initiative.

• Bill Harris, Director of Centerpointe posts a good article on "How To Really Let Whatever Happens Be Okay—and Why You Would Want To."
• This is a life-changing (or "life becoming"--or turning into the "real you") concept, especially for depressed people. ...
  ... the section Other Sources for "Let Life Be OK" contains links to the other works elaborating on this concept.
  

• Dr. Stephen R. Covey wrote "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" back in the day. It is still relevant today, and relates to happiness in ways you might not predict.

• Steve Pavlina has written Personal Development for Smart People: the Conscious Pursuit of Personal Growth. This book starts with 7 principles, and provides practical application that derives from these principles.

.
.
• Summary of potentially helpful ideas and practices, with notes.
• These are some of the things you can do now to increase your happiness, contentment and joy.
  

.
• Related Resources.

.
_____________________________________________________
.
.

.
.
.

Living a Happier Life

Happiness, joy and contentment are very hard to define for others. But virtually all of us know them when we find them in our own lives. Most of us do not know, however, how to improve any of them, except for specific instances. This page contains some of what I have learned about finding lasting happiness, joy and inner peace; and all are contained here in the hope that some of them may also be helpful to others. . All these resources are freely available so far as I know; and the books are available at most libraries and bookstores. . There is, apparently, no one silver bullet that, if you do it, or acquire it, will lead you to lasting happiness. On the contrary, it seems to be a series of individually-tailored activities, thought patterns, attitudes, habits and built-in attributes which everybody can engage in or develop to some degree, the sum of which improves your happiness (even if no individual obtains greater happiness in all [or even many] of the areas identified in the research). Further, there doesn't seem to be a single nirvana at which one ultimately arrives; but rather, there seems to be a continuous series of processes unique to each person in which they are continuously expanding, improving and modifying the levels of happiness and joy which they recognize and experience. Ultimately, all these activities and thoughts become a series of more-or-less permanent habits based on sound principles, the end product of which is increased happiness. Over time, as you adjust and improve them, your level of overall happiness increases. And the very large numbers of possibilities can give substantial hope to anyone wishing to increase their level of happiness. Since there are so many possibilities, there is merit in trying them at different times, and from different stages of development. Often, something that failed (or made little sense) at an earlier time will bear fruit in present circumstances. And some of them will produce some degree of success, for sure. Every individual is unique; cultivate and preserve the ones that work for you. My hope is that some of the following will spark some of these processes for you. .
.
"The winds of happiness are always blowing; but it is you who must raise a sail."¹
.
“What I am looking for is not out there, it is in me.”²
.

.
.
• The Authentic Happiness website of Dr. Martin Seligman at the University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center together "promote research, training, education, and the dissemination of Positive Psychology." There, you can participate in his tests and questionnaires, etc., and aid in the research, though you need to register (it's free; and they don't clutter your in-box).
• Notes and links to other happiness researchers are also included in this section below.
  

• Dr. Seligman's paper "Positive Psychology Progress: Empirical Validation of Interventions" (pdf download) describes his work and the work of others in measuring happiness and the effects of "interventions" (exercises he suggests to improve happiness) and the results thereof, including how lasting the effects were, and the role of character strengths in developing happiness. I was surprised that "... our study is the most ambitious random-assignment, placebo-controlled test of happiness interventions we know, ..." thinking casually that many people must have studied happiness and ways to improve it over the years. Apparently not. At any rate, Seligman et al identify 5 exercises that are effective in improving happiness.
• 1. Make a gratitude visit. Go see (or write) somebody who had been kind or helped you, and thank them.
• 2. List three good things that happened each day, and what caused them to come about.
• 3. Write about you at your best. Review the story daily for a week.
• 4. Identify your signature strengths (the inventory exercise in the article may be helpful).
• 5. Use your signature strengths in new ways.

• In Claudia Wallis's 2005 Time Magazine article "The New Science of HAPPINESS" she asks 'What makes the human heart sing?'; and she answers 'Researchers are taking a close look. What they’ve found may surprise you.' This article is her report on a workshop where Dr. Seligman stated his new vision for the Psychology profession as the American Psychological Association's new president. Said he, “I realized that my profession was half-baked [focusing mainly on remedies to mental ailments]. It wasn’t enough for us to nullify disabling conditions and get to zero. We needed to ask, What are the enabling conditions that make human beings flourish? How do we get from zero to plus five?” Some of her headings include:
• WHAT MAKES US HAPPY?
• MEASURING OUR MOODS.
• Just How Happy Are We? And What Makes Us That Way?
• CAN WE GET HAPPIER?
• Eight Steps Toward a More Satisfying Life:
 

1 - Count your blessings.   2 - Practice acts of kindness.   3 - Savor life’s joys.   4 - Thank a mentor.

5 - Learn to forgive.   6 - Invest time and energy in friends and family.   7 - Take care of your body.   8 - Develop strategies for coping with stress and hardships.

.
In the article, Wallis quotes one of Seligman's bottom lines "[raising happiness levels] involves working on the three components of happiness—getting more pleasure out of life (which can be done by savoring sensory experiences, ...), becoming more engaged in what you do, and finding ways of making your life feel more meaningful." . She also reports on another researcher who described the benefits of keeping a gratitude journal—a diary in which subjects write down things for which they are thankful. "She has found that taking the time to conscientiously count their blessings once a week significantly increased subjects’ overall satisfaction with life over a period of six weeks, whereas a control group that did not keep journals had no such gain." . And she cites Seligman’s biggest recommendation for lasting happiness: "figure out your strengths and find new ways to deploy them." . See also Haidt, below, for more on the balance between and necessity of both getting what you want, and seeing the good things in what is already happening around you.


• Sonja Lyubomirsky (Professor and Vice Chair, University of California, Riverside; Ph.D. Stanford University, 1994; about; her blog: the "How of Happiness") has devoted the majority of her research career to studying human happiness. She has a tonne of ideas about the pursuit and attainment of happiness, and provides a large number of very helpful links to happiness resources, ideas, activities, etc. Her work is easy to read and full of hope for happier and more joyful living.
  

.
Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom. 
.
.
.
• Way back in 1910 Wallace D. Wattles (Wikipedia entry) published "The Science of Getting Rich" {77 pages, .PDF, Christian themes, large-font format}. Wattles' writing introduced the western world to the practical principles of positive thinking. My own view of the "... Getting Rich" title is that it was aimed at least partially at attracting attention from those who were seeking financial riches. And the work does focus on that aspect in important ways. But in the context of this web page, the ideas, concepts and practices articulated in the book apply equally in obtaining the riches of fulfillment, personal satisfaction, joy, happiness, inner peace, contentment and self-actualization. Wattles deals with the weaknesses of the glib notion that merely thinking positively produces the desired results. He emphasizes that what I would call disciplined thinking (continuously focusing your thinking on better approaches, etc.), and the application of that thinking (with persistent, well-directed work) is what produces the desirable results. He also points out the vital necessity of gratitude in obtaining riches, and in forsaking competitive practices (win-lose) in favor of creative or cooperative practices (win-win). Wattles focuses on practices and attitudes which will produce results rather than on the background or theory. He calls these the "Certain Way." And he writes in a very straightforward way, using words for the general reader. In about an hour you can read the whole thing. His summary at the end of the book is very helpful for obtaining an overview which you can read in a couple of minutes. It uses (predictably) terms defined earlier in the work, however.
• Here are some quotes from Wattles' book {links are to the WikiSource edition--see below}. Remember, this book and its examples were written about a hundred years ago.
• "In writing this book I have sacrificed all other considerations to plainness and simplicity of style, so that all might understand. The plan of action laid down herein was deduced from the conclusions of philosophy; it has been thoroughly tested, and bears the supreme test of practical experiment; it works. If you wish to know how the conclusions were arrived at, read the writings of the authors mentioned above; and if you wish to reap the fruits of their philosophies in actual practice, read this book and do exactly as it tells you to do." - Preface.
• "The object of all life is development; and everything that lives has an inalienable right to all the development it is capable of attaining." - Chapter 1.
• "Studying the people who have got rich, we find that they are an average lot in all respects, having no greater talents and abilities than other men [and women]. It is evident that they do not get rich because they possess talents and abilities that other men [and women] have not, but because they happen to do things in a Certain Way." - Chapter 2.
• "You must get rid of the thought of competition. You are to create, not to compete for what is already created. You do not have to take anything away from anyone." Also "You do not have to covet the property of others, or to look at it with wishful eyes; no man has anything of which you cannot have the like, and that without taking what he has away from him." - Chapter 5.
• "Many people who order their lives rightly in all other ways are kept in poverty by their lack of gratitude. Having received one gift from God, they cut the wires which connect them with Him by failing to make [thankful] acknowledgment." And "Without gratitude you cannot long keep from dissatisfied thought regarding things as they are." - Chapter 7.
• "Do not rage against corrupt politicians; if it were not for politicians we should fall into anarchy, and your opportunity would be greatly lessened. God has worked a long time and very patiently to bring us up to where we are in industry and government, and He is going right on with His work. There is not the least doubt that He will do away with plutocrats, trust magnates, captains of industry, and [corrupt] politicians as soon as they can be spared; but in the meantime, behold they are all very good. Remember that they are all helping to arrange the lines of transmission along which your riches will come to you, and be grateful to them all. This will bring you into harmonious relations with the good in everything, and the good in everything will move toward you." - Chapter 7.
• "The answer to prayer is not according to your faith while you are talking, but according to your faith while you are working." - Chapter 8.
• "The very best thing you can do for the whole world is to make the most of yourself." - Chapter 10.
• "You cannot act where you are not; you cannot act where you have been, and you cannot act where you are going to be; you can act only where you are." - Chapter 11.
• "A student of this science had set his mind on making a certain business combination which seemed to him at the time to be very desirable, and he worked for some weeks to bring it about. When the crucial time came, the thing failed in a perfectly inexplicable way; it was as if some unseen influence had been working secretly against him. He was not disappointed; on the contrary, he thanked God that his desire had been overruled, and went steadily on with a grateful mind. In a few weeks an opportunity so much better came his way that he would not have made the first deal on any account; and he saw that a Mind which knew more than he knew had prevented him from losing the greater good by entangling himself with the lesser." - Chapter 16.
• The complete contents of The Science of Getting Rich, now in the public domain in the U.S., is available from WikiSource as a series of web pages. Here are its Table of Contents and Preface. This may be the single most helpful, well-written and complete on-line source of information in your free pursuit of joy, contentment and happiness.
.
Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom. 
.
.
.
• Take a peek at Gretchen Rubin's entries on The Happiness Project (it's a blog, a book that was released in 2009, reaching #1 on the New York Times Best Sellers list, a newsletter, and with lots of other facets, books to come, etc.). It has a zillion interesting posts, many with helpful comments. "I am a happiness evangelist," she says; and she recommends that everybody have their own "Happiness Project" - My HUGE happiness epiphany – happiness projects for everyone! Be happier now! This is not just a project or a book, either, she says; it is a way of life to adopt permanently. And it is not so much the results of the project that matter; but rather it is the project itself that helps to create a happier life [and what you become while pursuing it]. Gretchen has a zillion good ideas, all well-articulated, succinct and helpful. You can feel her increased happiness in her written work.
• Ten Tips For Being Happier covers some interesting ideas you may not have pursued.
• For counterpoint, she posted the well-received "Paradoxes of Happiness: the sadness of a Happiness Project." It provides lots of ideas for thoughtful reflection.
• See also Gretchen's "A story that made me very happy--I couldn't stop smiling" (a two minute read that will leave you feeling good all day).
• See also Gretchen's "Ten Reasons Why Using Twitter Will Boost Your Happiness" in Psychology Today magazine.
• See also "Make 2010 [or any year] a Happier Year. Decide Now." It works for any year, of course. Lots of good suggestions. Thanks, Gretchen.
• See also "Nineteen Tips for Cheering Yourself Up," Tips from 200 Years Ago, by Sydney Smith. Still good stuff.
• See also "Happiness Question: What's an obstacle to your happiness?" - Pay attention to what is undermining your happiness.
• See also "Feeling Angry, Resentful, or Self-Critical? Make the Positive Argument." - all of us can make mental arguments to ourselves, and feel better as a result.
• See also "Make It Easy To Do Right" - Make it easier to do the things that you ought to be doing, or which have deadlines.
• See also "Lower the Bar" - At first, it can seem like a cop-out; but think of it as "clearing away hurdles."
• ... As she says in the article, "The imperfect dinner that I serve is better than the perfect dinner I never serve." Also "A journal entry of one sentence a day is better than three pages never." And not to mention "The moderate forty-minute work-out I do several times a week is better than the rigorous work-out I never do."
• See also "Problem with procrastination? Do nothing." Gretchen says, "this is a brilliant strategy. I wish I'd thought of it, but it was novelist Raymond Chandler."
• See also "Follow a Threshold Ritual." It is about the power of gratitude and the strength of taking a moment (every time she passes a threshold in this example) to pause and take deliberate notice of how happy she feels about her home and family, that she is well, that she can choose her thoughts and think herself into a happier frame of mind. Says she: "Mindfulness! Happiness always circles back to mindfulness. Which is too bad for me, because I'm an extremely unmindful person. But I'm working on it." These are all good happiness boosters.
• See also Gretchen's "Start your own Happiness Project" guidelines. She also offers tips for "launching a group for people doing happiness projects together," which is available if you email her and request the "starter-kit for happiness-project groups." See the "Start your own Happiness Project" page for emailing details. Her page entitled "9 Tips for Why Starting a Happiness-Project Group Will Boost Your Happiness" may also be helpful.
• See her Secrets of Adulthood video (~3:30). It is a very pleasant series of one-liners about what you can do to increase your happiness.
• A good summary or overview of happiness principles and practices (all with links to further detail and helpful "getting started" ideas) is Gretchen's Manifesto page. Pick something that grabs your attention just now; and bookmark it for future reference so you can do it again and again as you engage in your happiness quest, all step-by-step.
  

"A Happy person is not one in a certain set of circumstances, but rather
a person with a certain set of attitudes." - Gretchen Rubin.
.

Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom. .

.
.
• Marci Shimoff, "the woman's face of the biggest self-help book phenomenon in history, Chicken Soup for the Soul. ... [She is a] celebrated transformational leader, and one of the nation's leading experts on happiness, success, and the law of attraction, ...". Marci has written, with Carol Kline, a book titled Happy for No Reason: 7 Steps to Being Happy from the Inside Out.

• This is a book that is definitely worth reading, if only for the hope it inspires. It is not aimed at women, particularly, though they are certainly not left out. Marci speaks of happiness that is already inside you ready to come to the surface of your consciousness if you can stop keeping it back. [See also Dr. Jill Taylor's "My Stroke of Insight, below--this can be profound for many people on a greater happiness quest.] She focuses on many of the same principles of a happier life as the positive psychology authors; but she mentions lots of other ideas also. In addition, she offers many exercises that you can start using right now, to help you start to to feel happier.

• Her friends at Learning Strategies have posted her complimentary Happy For No Reason Workbook, as a .PDF file. [This workbook is also available as a standard HTML web page if you do not have the Adobe Acrobat reader installed on your computer {download and install the Adobe Reader free of charge}. To see the HTML version, go to Google and search for "Happy For No Reason Workbook" {including the quotation marks}. It returns (late April 2008) an entry "[PDF] Welcome to Your Complimentary Happy For No Reason Workbook!" with File Format: PDF/Adobe Acrobat, and with a link: View as HTML. Click on their "View as HTML" link to see the content of the workbook as a very readable standard HTML web page]. This workbook can get you started immediately with a questionnaire, a bunch of happiness quotes from Happy For No Reason, and (best of all) 21 Happiness Habit Exercises, that you can start working on while you locate a copy of the book.

• Shimoff identifies steps, happiness habits and corresponding exercises. And she includes inspirational stories (to help us remember and apply them). The following is a list of headings for  the 21 Happiness Exercises mentioned in the workbook cited immediately above.
 

Focus on Solutions. Look for the Lesson and the Gift. Make Peace with Yourself. Question Your Thoughts. Go Beyond the Mind and Let Go. Incline Your Mind Toward Joy. Focus on Gratitude [what you appreciate, appreciates].

Practice Forgiveness. Spread Loving Kindness. Nourish Your Body. Energize Your Body. Tune In to Your Body’s Wisdom. Invite Connection with Your Higher Power. Listen to Your Inner Voice.

Trust Life’s Unfolding. Find Your Passion. Follow the Inspiration of the Moment. Contribute to Something Greater than Yourself. Tend to Your Relationships. Surround Yourself with Support. See the World as Your Family.

.
• Marci's book also contains a dozen pages of additional resources, on-line and in print plus CDs, etc., many with commercial content; and she refers readers to a number of online resources for tools and techniques, etc., many of which also have commercial content. The point here is that there are lots of follow-on options, especially those available for a fee. Many other options are freely available, both on this page and otherwise. In particular, see the notes on finding your passions and the Related Resources below.
.
Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top.||.Happier Life.||.Summary.||.Bottom. 

.
.

.
• Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (say  Mee'-high  Chik-sent'-mee-high'-ee; Wikipedia entry/bio) at the Drucker School of Management has been studying human enjoyment since 1963. His work on what he calls the optimal experience, or Flow (that state of enjoyment where you completely forget the passage of time, as a youngster playing an engaging video game, or as an artist who cannot pull herself away from her painting, even to eat; Wikipedia entry on "Flow") is described in a review by Rob Jellinghaus. His review of Csikszentmihalyi's book "Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience" is helpful in learning about how we can work to attain that state in other activities.

• Almost all of us have had the experience of flow at some point in our lives. But how do we create the conditions for flow to be a common occurrence rather than a random peak experience? What must be present to experience the 'helping hands' of flow on a regular basis?
.
•  1. Express gratitude for what you have. Some people call it prayer, meditation or grace. Be in a state of thankfulness.
•  2. Live consciously. Deliberately change your thoughts, actions, and language to mirror your highest thoughts about yourself.
• Take the moral high ground. Use your highest thoughts about yourself as your guide in life.
•  3. Be committed to the outcome but not attached to it.
• COMMIT, is defined as, 'to put into charge or trust.' In contrast, the definition of ATTACH is, 'to bind by personal ties.'
• Once you are attached (ego-involved, or identify with the outcome), you are out of the zone.
•  4. Treat life as a game. If you take it too seriously, you'll create effort and struggle and frustration - definitely not flow.
•  5. Learn to trust your feelings, your experience (some call it an inner voice, or intuition).
•  6. When working on a project or solving a problem, bring it to completion as quickly as possible, taking the path of least resistance.
•  7. Do not judge or evaluate your actions or the actions of others. Stay 'out of your head.'
•  8. Appreciate and acknowledge all contributions whether you agree with them or not.
•  9. The physical universe doesn't lie. If something is not working, look inside yourself for the solution.
• Ask yourself, 'What can I learn from this?' 'Why does this situation keep occurring?' 'What is the universe telling me?'
• 10. Trust the flow and surrender to it. Feel the possibility of being in control. [See also Bill Harris's note on resistance below]..

.
.
• In his book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience--which is a very worthwhile read, by the way--Dr. Csikszentmihalyi says the following concerning our quest for greater happiness (my emphasis):
.
• [This book] is not a popular book that gives insider tips about how to be happy. To do so would be impossible in any case, since a joyful life is an individual creation that cannot be copied from a recipe. This book tries instead to present general principles, along with concrete examples of how some people have used these principles, to transform boring and meaningless lives into ones full of enjoyment. [Preface, p. xi].
.
• 2,300 years ago Aristotle concluded that, more than anything else, men and women seek happiness. While happiness itself is sought for its own sake, every other goal--health, beauty, money, or power--is valued only because we expect that it will make us happy..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 1].
.
• What I "discovered" was that happiness is not something that happens. It is not the result of good fortune or random chance. It is not something that money can buy or power command. It does not depend on outside events, but, rather, on how we interpret them. Happiness, in fact, is a condition that must be prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each person. People who learn to control inner experience will be able to determine the quality of their lives, which is as close as any of us can come to being happy..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 2].
.
• Contrary to what we usually believe, moments like these, the best moments in our lives [optimal experiences], are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times although such experiences can also be enjoyable, if we have worked hard to attain them. The best moments usually occur when a person's body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile. Optimal experience is thus something that we make happen. For a child, it could be placing with trembling fingers the last block on a tower she has built, higher than any she has built so far; for a swimmer, it could be trying to beat his own record; for a violinist, mastering an intricate musical passage. For each person there are thousands of opportunities, challenges to expand ourselves..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 3].
.
• There are literally thousands of [books] in print ..., explaining how to get rich, powerful, loved, or slim. Like cookbooks, they tell you how to accomplish a specific, limited goal on which few people actually follow through. Yet even if their advice were to work, what would be the result afterward in the unlikely event that one did turn into a slim, well-loved, powerful millionaire? Usually what happens is that the person finds himself back at square one, with a new list of wishes, just as dissatisfied as before. What would really satisfy people is not getting slim or rich, but feeling good about their lives..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 5].
.
• Finally, the last step (chapter 10) will be to describe how people manage to join all experience into a meaningful pattern. When that is accomplished, and a person feels in control of life and feels that it makes sense, there is nothing left to desire. The fact that one is not slim, rich, or powerful no longer matters. The tide of rising expectations is stilled; unfulfilled needs no longer trouble the mind. Even the most humdrum experiences become enjoyable..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 7].
.
• When people try to achieve happiness on their own, without the support of a faith, they usually seek to maximize pleasures that are either biologically programmed in their genes or are [set] out as attractive by the society in which they live. Wealth, power, and sex become the chief goals that give direction to their strivings. But the quality of life cannot be improved this way. Only direct control of experience, [and] the ability to derive moment-by-moment enjoyment from everything we do, can overcome the obstacles to fulfillment..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 8].
.
• To overcome the anxieties and depressions of contemporary life, individuals must become independent of the social environment to the degree that they no longer respond exclusively in terms of its rewards and punishments. To achieve such autonomy, a person has to learn to provide rewards to herself. She has to develop the ability to find enjoyment and purpose regardless of external circumstances. This challenge is both easier and more difficult than it sounds: easier because the ability to do so is entirely within each person's hands; difficult because it requires a discipline and perseverance that are relatively rare in any era, and perhaps especially in the present. And before all else, achieving control over experience requires a drastic change in attitude about what is important and what is not..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 16].
.
• The solution is to gradually become free of societal rewards and learn how to substitute for them rewards that are under one's own powers. This is not to say that we should abandon every goal endorsed by society; rather, it means that, in addition to or instead of the goals others use to bribe us with, we develop a set of our own..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 19].
.
• The most important step in emancipating oneself from social controls is the ability to find rewards in the events of each moment. ... Power returns to the person when rewards are no longer relegated to outside forces. ... Instead of forever straining for the tantalizing prize dangled just out of reach, one begins to harvest the genuine rewards of living. But it is not by abandoning ourselves to instinctual desires that we become free of social controls. We must also become independent from the dictates of the body, and learn to take charge of what happens in the mind [consciousness]. Pain and pleasure occur in consciousness and exist only there. As long as we obey the socially conditioned stimulus-response patterns that exploit our biological inclinations, we are controlled from the outside..[Chapter 1: Happiness Revisited, p. 19].
.
.
• Control over consciousness is not simply a cognitive skill. At least as much as intelligence, it requires the commitment of emotions and will. It is not enough to know how to do it; one must do it, consistently, in the same way as athletes or musicians who must keep practicing what they know in theory. And this is never easy. Progress is relatively fast in fields that apply knowledge to the material world, such as physics or genetics. But it is painfully slow when knowledge is to be applied to modify our own habits and desires. [This is not meant to be daunting at all; rather, it is mentioned so that in the quest we will exercise patience, and work tenaciously at doing it. Results will follow over the long term just as the bright sunlight of the day follows the darkness of the night..[Chapter 2: The Anatomy of Consciousness, p. 21].
.
• Because attention determines what will or will not appear in consciousness, and because [attention] is also required to make any other mental events--such as remembering, thinking, feeling, and making decisions--happen there, it is useful to think of it as "psychic energy". Attention is like energy in that without it no work can be done, and in doing work it is dissipated. We create ourselves by how we invest this energy. Memories, thoughts, and feelings are all shaped by how we use it. And it is an energy under our control, to do with as we please; hence, attention is our most important tool in the task of improving the quality of experience..[Chapter 2: The Anatomy of Consciousness, p. 33].
.
• These are the pieces [the way we invest psychic energy on the structures of attention] that must be maneuvered if we wish to improve things. Of course, existence can also be improved by outside events, like winning a million dollars in the lottery, marrying the right man or woman, or helping to change an unjust social system. But even these marvelous events must take their place in consciousness, and be connected in positive ways to our self, before they can affect [the] quality of [our] life..[Chapter 2: The Anatomy of Consciousness, p. 35].

• We give this condition [psychic disorder] many names, depending on how we experience it: pain, fear, rage, anxiety, or jealousy. All these varieties of disorder force attention to be diverted to undesirable objects, leaving us no longer free to use it according to our preferences. Psychic energy becomes unwieldy and ineffective, [and our quality of life suffers, along with our happiness]. [Chapter 2:.The Anatomy of Consciousness, p. 36].

• It is a struggle for establishing control over attention. The struggle does not necessarily have to be physical, as in the case of the [rock] climber. But anyone who has experienced flow knows that the deep enjoyment it provides requires an equal degree of disciplined concentration..[Chapter 2: The Anatomy of Consciousness, p. 41].

• When we choose a goal and invest ourselves in it to the limits of our concentration, whatever we do will be enjoyable..[Chapter 2: The Anatomy of Consciousness, p. 42].

• And the reality is that the quality of life does not depend directly on what others think of us or on what we own. The bottom line is, rather, how we feel about ourselves and about what happens to us. To improve life one must improve the quality of experience..[Chapter 3: Enjoyment and the Quality of Life, p. 43].

• ... People describe the common characteristics of optimal experience [as] a sense that one's skills are adequate to cope with the challenges at hand, in a goal-directed, rule-bound action system that provides clear clues as to how well one is performing. Concentration is so intense that there is no attention left over to think about anything irrelevant, or to worry about problems. Self-consciousness disappears, and the sense of time becomes distorted. An activity that produces such experiences is so gratifying that people are willing to do it for its own sake, with little concern for what they will get out of it, even when it is difficult, or dangerous..[Chapter 4: The Conditions of Flow, p. 71].

• Kara Cutruzzula (rhymes with Methuselah) has posted The key to productivity is tapping into your flow state. Here’s how. She points out that "[t]he good news is that we don’t have to wait for a flow state to happen — we can take steps that can allow us to access it." And she lists quite a few helpful steps you can take to include it in everyday life. "Flow is simply that optimal state of mind in which we feel and perform our best, and it doesn’t have to be mysterious or elusive. Here’s how to gain awareness of your flow state and what you can do to tap into it more often."
  

• Sweta Bothra has posted on Thrive Global (about) "Finding Your Flow" - Learn how achieving a state of flow can help you build happiness, and check out simple strategies to experience this state. This is an easy read listing components and some how-to suggestions for getting started with experimentation on how it can work effectively for your situation during your quest for greater happiness, contentment and joy.

• Benjamin Hardy has posted "The Simple Secret To Being In A “FLOW” State. ... At All Times."  Ben emphasizes doing only one thing at a time, and seeking only ONE OUTCOME at a time. He says, "There are many 'flow triggers,' such as being in various types of environments, having short deadlines, having high consequences for failure, etc. ... But there’s one 'flow trigger' that is more important than anything else." Many of the other 'flow triggers' may be seen in the points above, both before and after the notes on Dr. Csikszentmihalyi's book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience--which is a very worthwhile read, by the way. And, even though some of these 'triggers' are more important than others, Dr. Csikszentmihalyi and other Flow authors emphasize often that you need to focus on realizing many if not all of the criteria (or 'triggers,' as Ben calls them) for routinely obtaining a fully reliable and predictable Flow experience in daily life.
  

.
Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom. 

.
.
• Dr. David D. Burns (Wikipedia entry) wrote his outstanding mood therapy book back in the day (with 4 million+ copies now in print in the U.S., and now with 45 million+ world-wide). It was rated the top self-help book for depressed individuals by mental health professionals. Recently (1996), Burns has revised and expanded its usefulness as a self-help tool for those interested in improving their outlook and gaining greater happiness in every day life. Burns popularized cognitive therapy (suggestions to help with the way you think about things) in the first edition of this book back in 1980. Since then, many individuals and therapists have used his concepts to improve their lives and those of their patients, many without drug intervention. Burns has also published many other books on this theme, including a workbook which many have found very helpful in working toward developing greater happiness and joy in their everyday lives.
.
• In his revised book Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy, the clinically proven drug-free Treatment for Depression Burns identifies three principles of cognitive therapy. It is "practical and based on common sense, and you can make it work for you," he says. [Chapter 1: A Breakthrough in the Treatment of Mood Disorders, pp. 12-13; my emphasis].
.
• FIRST PRINCIPLE OF COGNITIVE THERAPY
. The first principle of cognitive therapy is that all your moods are created by your "cognitions," or thoughts. A cognition refers to the way you look at things--your perceptions, mental attitudes, and beliefs. It includes the way you interpret things--what you say about something or someone to yourself. You feel the way you do right now because of the thoughts you are thinking at this moment. . Let me illustrate this. How have you been feeling as you read this? You might have been thinking, "Cognitive therapy sounds too good to be true. It would never work for me." If your thoughts run along these lines, you are feeling skeptical or even discouraged. What causes you to feel that way? Your thoughts. You create those feelings by the dialogue you are having with yourself about this book! . Conversely, you may have felt a sudden uplift in mood because you thought, "Hey, this sounds like something which might finally help me." Your emotional reaction is generated not by the sentences you are reading but by the way you are thinking. The moment you have a certain thought and believe it, you will experience an immediate emotional response. Your thought actually creates the emotion. .
.
• SECOND PRINCIPLE OF COGNITIVE THERAPY
. The second principle is that when you are feeling depressed, your thoughts are dominated by a pervasive negativity. You perceive not only yourself but the entire world in dark, gloomy terms. What is even worse--you'll come to believe things really are as bad as you imagine them to be. . If you are substantially depressed, you will even begin to believe that things always have been and always will be negative. As you look into your past, you remember all the bad things that have happened to you. As you try to imagine the future, you see only emptiness or unending problems and anguish. This bleak vision creates a sense of hopelessness. This feeling is absolutely illogical; but it seems so real that you have convinced yourself that your inadequacy will go on forever. .
.
• THIRD PRINCIPLE OF COGNITIVE THERAPY
. The third principle is of substantial philosophical and therapeutic importance. Our research has documented that the negative thoughts which cause your emotional turmoil nearly always contain gross distortions. Although these thoughts appear valid, you will learn that they are irrational or just plain wrong, and that twisted thinking is a major cause of your suffering. . The implications are important. Your depression is probably not based on accurate perceptions of reality but is often the product of mental slippage. . Suppose you believe that what I've said has validity. What good will it do you? Now we come to the most important result of our clinical research. You can learn to deal with your moods more effectively if you master methods that will help you pinpoint and eliminate the mental distortions which cause you to feel upset. As you begin to think more objectively, you will begin to feel better.
.
.
• Burns and others have conducted studies comparing results of cognitive therapy (both from reading the book alone, and working with the aid of a therapist) with more traditional treatments using anti-depressant drugs during twelve-week sessions with follow-up thereafter. The results suggest a significant possibility of improving your general level of happiness by just reading the book and practicing its precepts and principles, which is especially desirable for those "who prefer not to rely on drugs to raise their spirits, but prefer to develop an understanding of what is troubling them and do something to cope with it." [Chapter 1: A Breakthrough in the Treatment of Mood Disorders, p. 16].
.
.
• He talks further about the amount of improvement and its lasting effects (with answers to frequently-asked questions; my emphasis):
.
• In my experience the most crucial predictor of recovery is a persistent willingness to exert some effort to help yourself. Given this attitude, you will succeed. [Chapter 1: A Breakthrough in the Treatment of Mood Disorders, p. 16].
• Arthur C. Brooks (The Atlantic) also makes this point well in his post "Don’t Wish for Happiness. Work for It."  He suggests, "If you want to improve your well-being, you need to make a plan and act on it." Below are some other snippets from the article.
• "Self-reflection moves feelings of unhappiness from our reactive brains to our executive brains, where we can manage them through concrete action."
• "... [W]hen we share knowledge about how to become happier, we persuade ourselves every bit as much as we do others. It is a well-known phenomenon in psychology that asking people to argue in favor of something can be a great way to get them to believe it."
.
• Just how much improvement can you hope for? The average cognitively treated patient experienced a substantial elimination of symptoms by the end of treatment [12 weeks]. Many reported they felt the happiest they had ever felt in their lives. They emphasized that the mood-training brought about a sense of self-esteem and confidence. No matter how miserable, depressed, and pessimistic you now feel, I am convinced that you can experience beneficial effects if you are willing to apply the methods described in this book with persistence and consistency. [Chapter 1: A Breakthrough in the Treatment of Mood Disorders, p. 16].
.
• How long do the effects last? The findings from follow-up studies during the year after completion of treatment are quite interesting. While many individuals from both groups had occasional mood swings at various times during the year, both groups continued on the whole to maintain the gains they had demonstrated by the end of twelve weeks of active treatment. [Chapter 1: A Breakthrough in the Treatment of Mood Disorders, pp. 16-17].
.
• Which group actually fared better during the follow-up period? The psychological tests, as well as the patients' own reports, confirmed that the cognitive therapy group continued to feel substantially better, and these differences were statistically significant. The relapse rate over the course of the year in the cognitive therapy group was less than half that observed in the drug patients. These were sizable differences that favored the patients treated with the new approach. [Chapter 1: A Breakthrough in the Treatment of Mood Disorders, p. 17].
.
• Does this mean that I can guarantee you will never again have the blues after using cognitive methods to eliminate your current depression? Obviously not. That would be like saying that once you have achieved good physical condition through daily jogging, you will never again be short of breath. Part of being human means getting upset from time to time, so I can guarantee you will not achieve a state of never-ending bliss! This means you will have to reapply the techniques that help you if you want to continue to master your moods. There's a difference between feeling better--which can occur spontaneously, and getting better--which results from systematically applying and reapplying the methods that will lift your mood whenever the need arises. [Chapter 1: A Breakthrough in the Treatment of Mood Disorders, p. 17].
.
• Is it safe for depressed individuals to try to help themselves using the principles and methods outlined in this book? The answer is ... definitely yes! This is because the crucial decision to try to help yourself is the key that will allow you to feel better as soon as possible, regardless of how severe your mood disturbance might seem to be. [Chapter 2: How to Diagnose Your Moods: The First Step in the Cure, p. 23].
.
.
• Burns identifies 10 common kinds of distorted thinking that depress your mood. [Chapter 3: Understanding your Moods: You Feel the Way You think, pp. 42-43; my emphasis]. In subsequent chapters he points out how these distortions contribute significantly to reduced happiness, and suggests remedies for correcting your thinking that will elevate your moods. He also deals with the all-important notion of self-esteem, and how to improve it. The lack of self-esteem and the distorted thinking combine to reduce your happiness, joy and contentment. And they are both matters which are under your control. You can learn to remedy both of them without drugs or therapy; it requires only the better understanding that Burns also provides.
. At any rate, here is Burns' list of 10 kinds of distorted thinking.
.
• 1. ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING: You see things in black-and-white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
.
• 2. OVERGENERALIZATION: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
.
• 3. MENTAL FILTER: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that colors the entire beaker of water.
.
• 4. DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE: You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or other. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
.
• 5. JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion. [This has two parts]:
• a. Mind reading. You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don't bother to check this out.
• b. The Fortune Teller Error. You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact.
.
• 6. MAGNIFICATION (CATASTROPHIZING) OR MINIMIZATION: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else's achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow's imperfections). This is also called the "binocular trick."
.
• 7. EMOTIONAL REASONING: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."
.
• 8. SHOULD STATEMENTS: You try to motivate yourself with "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts," as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. "Musts" and "oughts" are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct "should" statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.
.
• 9. LABELING AND MISLABELING: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: "I'm a loser." When someone else's behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him: "He's a g___ louse." Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.
.
• 10. PERSONALIZATION: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which in fact you were not primarily responsible for.
.
.
• Burns summarizes three steps to improve your self-esteem. He emphasizes: "When you are experiencing a blue mood, the chances are that you are telling yourself you are inherently inadequate or just plain "no good." You will become convinced that you have a bad core or are essentially worthless. To the extent that you believe such thoughts, you will experience a severe emotional reaction of despair and self-hatred." [Chapter 4: Start by Building Self-Esteem, pp. 78-80; my emphasis]. "Then how can I develop a sense of self-esteem?" you may ask. "The answer is that you don't have to! You don't have to do anything especially worthy to create or deserve self-esteem; all you have to do is turn off that critical, haranguing, inner voice. Why? Because that critical inner voice is wrong! Your internal self-abuse springs from illogical, distorted thinking. Your sense of worthlessness is not based on truth, it is just the abscess which lies at the core of depressive illness." His three steps are as follows.
• 1. Zero in on those automatic negative thoughts and write them down. Don't let them buzz around in your head; snare them on paper!
• 2. Read over the list of ten cognitive distortions. Learn precisely how you are twisting things and blowing them out of proportion.
• 3. Substitute a more objective thought that puts the lie to the one which made you look down on yourself. As you do this, you'll begin to feel better. You'll be boosting your self-esteem, and your sense of worthlessness (and, of course, your depression) will disappear.
  
.
Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom. 


.
.
• Dr. Jonathan Haidt (say "height"; rhymes with kite; Wiki entry; Stern School of Business entry; his very worthwhile After Babel Substack {about}). He was formerly Associate Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of Virginia , and now the Thomas Cooley Professor of Ethical Leadership at New York University’s Stern School of Business. Dr. Haidt has written several books, relevant here among which is "The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom" (2006). His book deals with ten ideas, each of which has been discovered by several past civilizations and contains lessons for us today. "It is a book about how to construct a life of virtue, happiness, fulfillment, and meaning." The introduction and three chapters are available free as .PDF files on-line. Dr. Seligman says "For the reader who seeks to understand happiness, my advice is: Begin with Haidt." In the introduction to The Happiness Hypothesis, Dr. Haidt observes "If you know ... why you so easily see the world through a distorting lens of good and evil, you can take steps to reduce your self-righteousness. You can thereby reduce the frequency of conflicts with others who are equally convinced of their righteousness." In his section "beyond the book" entitled How to Become Happier, he lists five balanced steps to becoming happier:
• Step 1: Diagnose Yourself.
• Step 2: Improve Your Mental Hygiene.
• Step 3: Improve Your Relatedness.
• Step 4: Improve Your Work.
• Step 5: Improve Your Connection to Something Beyond Yourself.

In the conclusion of How to Become Happier, he points out that "Happiness is not the shallow state of feeling pleased and chipper all the time. Happiness is the state of a human being that has achieved cross-level coherence within herself, and between herself and the people, challenges, and institutions around her. Happiness comes from between." And in Chapter 10, in the section "The Meaning of Life" (pp. 238-9) he says the following (my emphasis).


• "What can you do to live a good, happy, fulfilling, and meaningful life? What is the answer to the question of purpose within life? I believe the answer can be found only by understanding the kind of creature that we are, divided in the many ways we are divided. We were shaped by individual selection to be selfish creatures who struggle for resources, pleasure, and prestige, and we were shaped by group selection to be hive creatures who long to lose ourselves in something larger. We are social creatures who need love and attachments, and we are industrious creatures with needs for effectance (able to enter a state of vital engagement with our work). We are the rider [a brain, with reason] and we are the elephant [long-held habits and automatic reflexes], and our mental health depends on the two working together, each drawing on the others' strengths. I don't believe there is an inspiring answer to the question, "What is the purpose of life?" Yet by drawing on ancient wisdom and modern science, we can find compelling answers to the question of purpose within life. The final version of the happiness hypothesis is that happiness comes from between. Happiness is not something that you can find, acquire, or achieve directly. You have to get the conditions right and then wait. Some of those conditions are within you, such as coherence among the parts and levels of your personality. Other conditions require relationships to things beyond you: Just as plants need sun, water, and good soil to thrive, people need love, work, and a connection to something larger. It is worth striving to get the right relationships between yourself and others, between yourself and your work, and between yourself and something larger than yourself. If you get these relationships right, a sense of purpose and meaning will emerge."


From the Conclusion: on Balance (p. 242) he points out that "Happiness requires changing yourself and changing the world. It requires pursuing your own goals and fitting in with others. Different people at different times in their lives will benefit from drawing more heavily on one approach or the other."


NOTE: Dr. Haidt has also written "Flourishing: Positive Psychology and the Life Well-Lived" (Amazon's blurb) which Amazon describes in part as a work in which "distinguished scholars apply scientific analyses to study the good life, expanding the scope of social and psychological research to include happiness, well-being, courage, citizenship, play, and the satisfactions of healthy work and healthy relationships. Their findings reveal that a sense of meaning and a feeling of richness emerge in life as people immerse themselves in activities, relationships, and the pursuit of intrinsically satisfying goals like overcoming adversity or serving one's community through volunteering. This provocative book will further define this evolving field." ... See also particularly his very worthwhile After Babel Substack {about}--"How do we adapt to a world in which it is so much harder to understand one another?").

Also on Amazon, a reviewer, Dr. Sietze VanDerHeide helpfully pointed out that "The title of this book suggests a goal we all share, to live life well. The field of positive psychology may help us understand how to do just that, and flourish. The book is organized around the essential aspects of flourishing: meeting life’s challenges, engagement with the world, being productive, and moving beyond our limited personal needs. These topics are not examined from a self-help narrative but from the perspective of positive psychology, which aims to help us learn how to live life to the best and fullest extent possible. All the contributors to this book have spent decades researching the nature of human values and motivation. Each chapter explores flourishing from a different perspective, giving us an accessible overview of the current wisdom of positive psychology. We learn from reading this book that flourishing is a complex human experience. Purpose. Commitment. Engagement. To flourish, we must have a sense of purpose that focuses our commitments in life and fuels our motivation. This book respects this complexity but addresses it in a manner that is imminently useful to us as readers." In these quotes, the emphasis is mine. This book is mainly aimed at positive psychology professionals; but it is still found helpful by lots of readers who were merely seeking to flourish and to be happier in their own lives.


• Dr. Sietze VanDerHeide also posts some thoughtful notes on Helping Individuals Flourish. His "Sources of Flourishing" are "curiosity (openness to exploration, learning, and adaptation, allowing us to actively pursue new experiences and challenging situations with a sense of positive expectation), compassion (a positive emotional resonance that can be felt in many ways including caring, agapé or unconditional love, and empathy – among others) and contentment (a state of mind that provides a supporting emotional background for the ups and downs of life)." He amplifies at length on each of these sources.
.
.
Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom. 

.
.
.
• Dr. Wayne Dyer has published lots of books and articles besides his best-seller: "The Power of Intention." One article that caught my attention was from Family Circle magazine, "Seven Secrets of a Joyful Life: Wayne Dyer’s Feel Good Guide." In the article he describes your own "intention" and how you can tap its power to realize more inner joy and harmonious relationships. His 7 faces of intention include [1] creativity (don't die with your music still inside you; listen to your intuitive inner voice and find what passion stirs your soul), [2] kindness (choosing to be kind is also a choice to make the Power of Intention active in your life), [3] love (brotherly love, parental love, tolerance, tenderness, acceptance, romantic love where appropriate), [4] beauty (there are a million acts of kindness and goodness [all around us]; it just depends where you look; and when I look around at virtually anyone or anything on the planet, I can see ... beauty), [5] expansion (we need to connect with the image of an expanding Source—one which never becomes stagnant or gets tired of growing and improving), [6] abundance (there are no limits to our potential, we can tap into abundance knowing there's more than enough for us and for everyone), and [7] receptivity (no one and no thing is rejected).
• Dyer's "intention" is not so much dogged determination, but consistently allowing that you are a part of of something very benign and helpful, letting it help you, and not being swayed from that path.
• On reducing stress, he says: "Any stress signal is a way of alerting you to say the five magic words: 'I want to feel good.' This is your intention to be tranquil and stress free."
• Similarly: "Remember, your thoughts, not your world, cause you stress. And you can change your thoughts."
• Moreover, "one of the fastest ways to transform fear into love and tap into the Source is through another face of intention—doing an act of kindness" ... even thinking kind thoughts.
• On the difference between will and intent, he says "Will is the idea that I'm going to make this thing happen. Intent is inspiration—allowing it to take place. I don't say that will is bad. But it's the work of the ego—believing that we are controlling everything—rather than surrendering to the Source of energy that is greater than any of us."
• In his childrens' bedroom, he framed this message: "Good morning. This is God. I will be handling all of your problems today. I will not need your help, so have a miraculous day!"
• On letting God (or Good) do everything, he says "It's not about doing nothing. In the recovery movement, they call what I'm talking about letting go and letting God. (If you're uncomfortable with the word God, just add an o and make it Good. The two words are interchangeable.) It just means allowing this divine Source of kindness, beauty and creativity to be the dominant force in your life—whatever you're doing. I truly believe that God writes all the books and builds all the bridges. Sure, I sit down for six or seven hours a day with my pen and pads—but the message moves though me and I just allow."
.
• In the article he cites Eight ways to tap into the power of intention and feel great every day:
• (1) Make meditation a regular practice in your life. You need to take time to get quiet, to go within, and from this silence make conscious contact with the Source of intention. You're already connected to everything that you perceive as missing from your life; go with a realignment.
• (2) Become conscious of the foods you eat. Foods high in alkalinity such as fruits, vegetables, nuts, soy, non-yeast breads and virgin olive oil are high-energy foods and will strengthen you, while highly acidic foods such as flour-based cereals, meats, dairy and sugars lower energy and will weaken you.
• (3) Retreat from low-energy substances. Alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine, sugar and virtually all artificial drugs, legal or otherwise, lower your body's energy level and weaken you.
• (4) Become aware of the energy level of the music you listen to. Some rap music—filled with profanity and messages about killing, for example—is an energy drain; music that has a more soothing impact on the soul has been proven to be beneficial.
• (5) Become aware of the energy levels of your home environment. Make your home a nurturing, cheerful and peaceful environment.
• (6) Reduce your exposure to low-energy commercial television. Children see 12,000 simulated murders on TV before their 14th birthday! Television news puts a heavy emphasis on the bad and the ugly, leaving out the good.
• (7) Enhance your energy field with photographs. Every photograph contains energy. Carry and display photos taken in moments of happiness, love and receptivity.
• (8) Become conscious of the energy levels of your acquaintances, friends and extended family. Choose to be in close proximity to those who are empowering, who see the greatness in you, who feel connected to spirit.

• In another Interview he said of his philosophy and the Source from which he sprang:
• "Everyone and everything that shows up in the world of form in this universe originates from [what can be called] God, soul, spirit, or consciousness. It looks a certain way, sounds a certain way, and feels a certain way. I try to stay in harmony with what I believe it sounds and feels like. This Source that creates worlds always is creating and loving, and it excludes no one. It is a Source of unlimited abundance. It is a Source that has no judgment. Anytime we have a thought that excludes others—a thought of unkindness, for example, or a thought of non-love toward ourselves or anyone else—we lose the power of intention. The power of intention is the power to manifest, to create, to live a life of unlimited abundance, and to attract into your life the right people at the right moments."
• On setting goals that are mainly centered on getting to somewhere else (more profits, more contacts, etc.) he says, "Goal setting is fine if you want to be the warrior archetype. ... But when you get to a higher level of consciousness, when you get into a spiritual approach to life, you are not trying to get someplace else, because you never can get it done. ... Instead, what you want to do is get to a place where you are at peace. You are connected to God, you are enjoying every single day you have, and the growth of you and your [career] will take care of themselves."
• On living in the present he says, "When I go to a music concert, I don't [think that] my purpose is to get to the end and enjoy the finale. If that were the purpose, everybody would write finales and nothing more. The purpose of the concert is to enjoy each note as you go along." And "Enjoy the moment, because that is all you have. You never are going to arrive someplace else [in this moment]. You are in a constant state of living in this moment, and that is the only arrival there is. In fact, you will arrive [only] when you stop trying to get someplace else." Enjoy the moment: right here, right now. If your mood is not one of enjoyment, stop thinking of the non-enjoyment and start to think joyful thoughts; your mood will change to greater joy. Practice it; learn how to do it more often, in more difficult circumstances, then always.
• On appreciation and thankfulness he says, "I want to be on a rampage of appreciation every single day."
• On watching out for your own resistance he says, "refuse to have any resistance to staying connected to [your] Source. ... If you do not have well-being in your life, physically or emotionally, then you have to look at what kind of energies, thoughts, and spirituality you have chosen that take you away from your Source. One of the ways to get back to it is to think [about what you want to have and be as if it were already in hand--not about the things that are missing]." And "One of the important principles I live by is the idea that you have to contemplate yourself as surrounded by the conditions you intend to produce. The difference between highly functioning people—the people Maslow called self-actualizers—and people who live with ordinary levels of consciousness is that the self-actualizers never put their intention on what they don't want. They know that what you think about is what expands."
• On things that may seem impossible he says, "Dormant forces come alive when you put your attention on what you intend to manifest and when you stay connected to your Source of well-being, your Source of kindness, and your Source that excludes no one." And "We become what we think about." So, to change your moods and to change your life, change your thoughts. It will all follow as the day follows the night. And they he caps it off with "You can't just have a thought. You have to follow the thought through."
• Of Einstein's great contributions to humanity, he says "look at Einstein's simple statement that the most important decision you ever will make is the decision whether you live in a friendly universe or a hostile universe." By deciding you live in a friendly universe you are able to tap into all its powers; and they come according to what you focus on. Dyer also says "When I look at the [broadcast or print] news and all the things that are hostile out there, I remind myself that for every act of evil in the world, there are a million acts of kindness."
• On maturing into a person of spirit he says, "This is the time when you finally realize what Jesus meant when He said, 'You are in this world, but you are not of this world.' You are not here as a human being having a spiritual experience, but the reverse is true: All of us here are spiritual beings having a human experience."

• In yet another interview concerning organized institutional religion he said, "My belief is that the truth is a truth until you organize it, and then it becomes a lie. I don't think that Jesus was teaching [organized] Christianity [as we know it today], Jesus was teaching kindness, love, concern, and peace. What I tell people is don't be [an organized] Christian, be Christ like. Don't be [an organized] Buddhist, be Buddha like."
.
• Here are the Dyer Dozen - guidelines for happiness, adapted by a blogger and others.
•   1. Want more for others than you want for yourself.
•   2. Think from the end--focus on the places/circumstances you want.
•   3. Be an appreciator--see what’s valuable vs. worthless.
•   4. Stay in rapport with Source energy.
•   5. Every thought other than those connected with Source is resistance.
•   6. Contemplate yourself surrounded by what you want, and already thinking exclusively happy, contented and peaceful thoughts.
•   7. Understand the route of "allowing" rather than forcing [or willing] things to happen, and allow for alternative solutions.
•   8. Practice radical humility.
•   9. Be in constant state of gratitude. Elsewhere he says "be on a rampage of appreciation."
• 10. You can never resolve a problem by condemning it.
• 11. Play the match game--match or align your thinking and actions to the kind of person you want to be.
• 12. Meditate.
.
Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom. 
.
.

.

A very helpful place to see the big picture concerning happiness is from Dr. Michael W. Fordyce, a retired writer, researcher and theorist on human happiness. It is entitled "Human Happiness: Its Nature and Its Attainment." This item contains helpful introductory material along with "fourteen fundamentals of happiness" that explain what to do to increase your happiness.

.

For information, The GetHappy website has been returning "Forbidden access" or "Error 404" (cannot locate page or server) since about mid-Sept 2011. If you are searching for this material, send me an E-mail request and I will email you the page(s) you are looking for. This material is quite good for the general reader looking for introductory but well-researched material; and the GetHappy website has experienced temporary outages before. We hope this one is temporary too. . Meantime, as noted below, see also The Happiness Show, originally a TV show about happiness (who they are), with lots of videos, etc., and their page on Dr. Michael W. Fordyce (which has some of his introductory material and links to some of his videos which are still available). Other videos are also available on YouTube: Part 8 Human happiness: The Royal Road - MICHAEL W. FORDYCE, Ph.D. Click on "show more" below the video frame to see links to quite a few other YouTube videos from Dr. Fordyce. We have temporarily posted his 14th Fundamental: VALHAP - The Secret Fundamental.

.
.

• See the Table of Contents page for "Human Happiness: Its Nature and Its Attainment" with links to all the chapters. It contains lots of easy reading, and it is very informative.
• Take Dr. Fordyce's "Test of Your Happiness Assets." It takes only 15 minutes or so. Your scores and the scoring explanations will give you a ton of ideas, quash some myths, and help you focus attention on improving your enjoyment of life.
• His Two Faces of Happiness section near the bottom of chapter 4 on "The Story of Happiness Research"  distinguishes between "a good emotional feeling (I'm in a happy mood)," and "a more general feeling people have about how their life is going (I'm a happy person)." In our quest to increase our happiness, these can be important facets requiring different approaches.
• "When a happy mood strikes, there is a remarkable change in the positive nature of the thoughts which come into our mind." People feel better about themselves, too. Thus, getting yourself into a happy mood can improve your overall happiness (by an amount greater than its own value) as a by-product; and even our behavior improves, and our worries are reduced. [This comes from the Thinking Changes section and later sections of Chapter 5  The Happy Mood].
• An important subset of this happy mood effect is that we are happier when we are working on one of our strengths, or using one of our strengths to achieve some other purpose. See the Notes on "Find your passion ..." below.
• "Some happiness-sources have more impact than others. ...
• One's marriage and family life, for example, appears to be the most potent source of all; and Optimism is a very close second -- rewards in these areas are more important to your happiness than rewards in other areas.
• Next, come the successes you find in your job and your other social life.
• Then come things like your income, social status, and educational attainment.
• And finally, come the more peripheral things, like fun, good health, etc."
[These above items come from the Eight Laws Of Human Happiness section toward the bottom of Chapter 6  The Happy Person, particularly the 5th law: The Law Of Cumulative Effects.]
• Be sure to persevere (or go directly) to the second volume - Learning to be a Happier Person. These chapters contain most of the value in my view, presenting many ideas for making yourself a happier person on many fronts.
.
Here are the individual links to the 14 Fundamentals for Attaining Happiness by Dr. Fordyce.
[The last three fundamentals are in draft form only, and can be by-passed in favor of similar topics from other sources.]
.
 

1 - Be More Active and Keep Busy. 2 - Spend More Time Socializing  ... (likely your #1 happiness asset). 3 - Be Productive at Meaningful Work. 4 - Get Better Organized, Plan Things Out. 5 - Stop Worrying. 6 - Lower Your Expectations & Aspirations  ... (shows the futility of achievement-based happiness). 7 - Develop Positive, Optimistic Thinking. 8 - Get Present-Oriented. 9 - Work On a Healthy Personality  ... (liking, accepting, knowing, helping and being yourself). .

10 - Develop an Outgoing Social Personality  ... (smile and say "hi" -- it is a great start). 11 - Be Yourself. 12 - Eliminate Negative Feelings & Problems [draft; not very helpful] ... (see Notes on Letting go,  below instead). 13 - Close Relationships Are  #1 [draft]. 14 - VALHAP - The Secret Fundamental  ... (the effect of studying and valuing happiness ... [this draft has been posted temporarily until  ...  GetHappy is back on-line]). .

.
.
.
• Fordyce puts an important facet of the pursuit of happiness very simply in his Fifth Fundamental, "Stop Worrying":
• "The strategy here is quite basic: we want to be happy; our happiness is largely dependent upon our day-to-day mood; our day-to-day mood is largely dependent upon what thoughts pass through our mind; our thoughts can be brought under our control; and thus, by controlling our thoughts we can control our happiness."
• "... the more time one spends thinking positive thoughts, instead of negative thoughts, the happier one will be. And since thoughts are generally easier to change than feelings, the more we are able to harness the direction of our thoughts, the more control we will find over our happiness."
• Use the 'thought check,' 'thought switching' and your 'main thought' to focus your thinking (away from worrying) toward better moods and toward better overall happiness more of the time.
• For a concrete and testable example that "what you think is what you get," see the Cesar Millan "Dog Whisperer" example in Related Resources below.

See also The Happiness Show, originally a TV show about happiness (who they are), with lots of videos, etc., and their page on Dr. Michael W. Fordyce.

.
Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom. 
.
.
.
.
• Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor has written brilliantly "My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey" of recovery from a stroke. This may be the first time we have heard about a stroke and subsequent recovery as told firsthand by somebody trained in brain function, purpose and anatomy. It is an upbeat account, written for the general reader, and perhaps especially for those who have had a stroke and their caregivers. If you are short of time, here is a Ted Video (18:42) where she describes her experience. It is riveting. From the point of view of this page about Living a Happier Life, her discoveries about the control she had over her moods are very significant. Initially, for example, she found when the stroke disabled many of her disciplined left brain functions, she found herself feeling the greatest happiness and euphoria she had ever experienced. She used that knowledge to manage, regulate and balance the functions, attitudes and assertiveness of her left brain as those functions were recovered. She deliberately made for herself a more balanced, happier and more compassionate personality thereby. (And she explains how those of us who have not had a stroke but who have similar objectives, can do the same for ourselves). Fascinating, and very informative.
. Most of the other authors on this page speak of happiness in terms of their studies and their experience. But Taylor speaks of it as a very credible brain scientist from a very different perspective which you might find is surprisingly complementary to the work of those who approach it from a Psychological point of view. I found her articulation of the need for balance between our linear and logical left brain (which is also very good at filling in the blanks with brain chatter that is not always entirely truthful) and our more liberal right brain which is taking a much broader, more far-reaching and relaxed view (which many of us have learned to suppress more than is needful). Under 200 pages, I also found this book to be so captivating that I read it in a single evening (unheard-of, for me!). She was very fortunate in the help she received; and we are equally fortunate to be able to read and understand it for our own benefit (and for those we know). Thank you, Dr..Jill.!!
.
Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom. 
.
.
.

• Joel Osteen, and his wife Victoria are pastors at Christian nondenominational Lakewood Church in Houston. Larry King called him "the good news guy" and (to Joel and Victoria, who were together on the same program, 20 June 2005), "You're going to win the award as the happiest people ever to be on this program." Osteen has written several books about self-improvement, encouragement and inspiration that have been very well received. An early book, "Your Best Life Now" has a chapter "Choose to Be Happy." Some more current titles are "Position Yourself for Greatness," "Live Like a Champion," "A Life Worth Living," "Letting Go of the Past" and "Become a Better You: 7 Keys to Improving Your Life Every Day." The latter identifies the seven keys: [1] Keep pressing forward, [2] Be positive toward yourself, [3] Develop better relationships, [4] Form better habits, [5] Embrace the place where you are, [6] Develop your inner life, and [7] Stay passionate about life. Each key also includes a list of action points: practical steps each one of us can take to better ourselves, and to feel better about ourselves.
. Osteen's whole message is about adopting an optimistic view of everything, and being happier as a result. No matter what your take on his religious merits, on the scale between optimism and pessimism, he comes out solidly optimistic in every quarter, offering practical steps to self-improvement. Anybody seeking happiness through increased optimism and positive thinking (see note below) might like to see his books, or view his TV services. He does not ask for donations on TV (and says he will not do so); so you can just soak up some of his optimism and his ideas for generating more of your own optimism--all without even feeling any guilt.You can hardly help from feeling better after reading or listening to Joel for even a short time. You can sign up for their newsletter "Today's Word with Joel & Victoria" and "Joel and Victoria's Blog" they are free, and uncluttered. You can also access their archives of prior articles. These continuing reminders can be helpful in your quest for greater joy and happiness. .
Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom.
.
.
.
• On a broader scale in Britain, Dr. Richard Layard has prepared a series of lectures concerning why we are not a lot happier in developed countries given that incomes have increased substantially since the end of World War II, for example. His summary "Towards a Happier Society: The secrets of Happiness" may be most helpful if you are short of time. It is a five minute read dealing with happiness from a public policy perspective.
• Scroll down about one screen on Dr. Richard Layard's bio to the heading "Selected Publications available on the web:" for a list of links to his papers. They are very readable and informative.
• See some of his work in the UN's World Happiness Report 2019. The World Happiness Report is a landmark survey of the state of global happiness that ranks 156 countries by how happy their citizens perceive themselves to be. The report is produced by the United Nations Sustainable Development Solutions Network in partnership with the Ernesto Illy Foundation.
  

• Also on the broad scale of happiness levels by country, the World Values Survey may be of interest. See "Happiness trends in 24 countries, 1946-2006" where you can download the entire report. See also the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research article "Happiness is rising around the world: U-M study" (June 2008), which discusses the report, and gives a good overview of its findings in half a dozen screens. Predictably, the highest scores tend to come from countries where political and economic freedom are valued and available. Here is the table of Subjective Well-being in 97 Countries (as a 1-page .PDF file), from the report.

• See also the Happiness Research Institute (about) - "Our mission is to inform decision makers of the causes and effects of human happiness, make subjective well-being part of the public policy debate, and improve the quality of life for citizens across the world."
  

.
Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom. 
.
.

• Bill Harris, formerly at the Centerpointe Research Institute (lots of commercial clutter) posted "How To Really Let Whatever Happens Be Okay—and Why You Would Want To." This free article was helpful in reducing or eliminating your suffering when things do not go as you would like. By resisting what is (and can't be changed), you lose your inner peace. As long as it can't be changed, you could benefit, at least, from maintaining your inner peace while the unpleasant thing unfolds. Those who succeed in allowing it to be ok make huge gains in their happiness and emotional well-being. Harris also speaks about helpful approaches when you can change all or parts of the unpleasant thing.
. He identifies 6 important principles (my italics) concerning this resistance:
• #1: All discomfort is caused by resistance.
• #2: We each have an internal map of reality [others call it the ego], the contents of which we did not consciously choose, and which operates automatically to create our results and experience of life.
• #3: Our main agenda in creating this [internal] map is to be safe.
• #4: The more that safety was an issue in your family [as a child], the more likely your map of reality will be built around the issue of safety, and the more likely you will be to protect it from changing.
• #5: Though they may seem to cause your discomfort, outside events are merely triggers. The root cause of all discomfort is not what we resist, but the resistance itself.
• #6: Because the resistance is the cause of discomfort, ending it is the solution.
. And he offers some suggestions about what you can do about resistance:
• 1) Recognize [that you are resisting and feeling discomfort].
• 2) Acknowledge [your discomfort that arises from resisting].
• 3) Watch with curiosity. [Tolle describes this as being an "alert witness" to the unpleasant thing and your response. You step aside and observe, consciously. Tolle also suggests (alternately) that you make yourself transparent to the irritation by visualizing it passing right through you with no resistance (therefore, no effect, adverse or otherwise).]
.
• [Voilà: the resistance begins to dissipate, just because you recognized and watched it with curiosity. ... And your internal map gets another revision based on the newly understood reality. Don't try to change the outcome (that's just more resistance); rather, observe it as it unfolds. You are letting the revisions to your map be ok. They are always an improvement.]
. "Your goal, then, is ... to have your response to whatever happens be a choice, and to have that response be independent of anything happening around you. Once you learn how to exercise this choice, you can choose happiness and peace regardless of what is going on around you."

Henry Miller affirms this. Said he: "Life moves on, whether we act as cowards or heroes. Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy, and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such."

.
Other Sources for "Let Life Be OK"

• Eric Barker has posted "The secret to loving your life" where he points out that accepting what we cannot change can help us gain peace and contentment that is not available if we deny or resist or complain about it. Even though he doesn't say much about thinking ahead and avoiding adverse impacts when you can, it is still a good read for improving your outlook once the adversity strikes. 

• Chris Rackliffe has posted "How to Find the Blessing in Every Change" on Thrive Global (about). It deals with handling change, of course. But Chris's emphasis is on managing these seemingly endless changes, and making the management of them a part of your life--then, making them the story of your life. His main thrust is that that is what life is about: constantly changing. It is about changing, growing and developing for the better, for improvement, ... and then for continuous improvement--all in aid of becoming the "real you." Chris "tells first-person stories that cut straight to the heart. Chris has made it his sole purpose to empower and uplift others and help them find peace, perspective and power through what they’ve endured." This article is an excerpt from his book It’s Good to See Me Again: How to Find Your Way When You Feel Lost.

Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom. 
.
.
• Dr. Stephen R. Covey's old management classic The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (website; Wikipedia entry; summary from QuickMBA's management page; 1989) provides many insights into the kinds of personal growth and development which are helpful for life in general, and (perhaps surprisingly) in our quest for happiness too. The book is a world-wide best seller of something like 15 million copies, now translated into over three dozen languages. His 7 habits are: [1] Be Proactive, [2] Begin with the End in Mind, [3] Put First Things First, [4] Think Win/Win, [5] Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood, [6] Synergize, [7] Sharpen the Saw. In his more recent book, The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness, Covey emphasizes that we should find our own voice, then inspire and help others to find theirs. Covey emphasizes not just the techniques and practices common to positive psychology, new age teachings and others, but also the fundamental importance of the underlying principles, mainly centered in character development (fairness, integrity, honesty, human dignity). It is upon the foundation of these permanent habits of right living that the effectiveness (and happiness) results depend over the long term, he argues, as does Steve Pavlina, below.
• Covey cites the importance of balance in the P/PC dichotomy (Product and Production Capacity) that is essential to long term success. He uses the fable of the goose which laid golden eggs as a good example of what happens when you focus on the product or the production (the golden eggs) at the expense of the up-keep on the production capacity (the goose, which the farmer killed in his greed to get more eggs quickly). The implications for our contemporary "this quarter's results at any cost" management focus are abundant. In terms of happiness, we might seek a quick high from drugs or alcohol, for example; but the longer term results will leave us wanting. Of course, over-emphasis on the production capacity (such as staying in school forever) while living on the products of others is also unhelpful. It is the balance that delivers the worthwhile long-term results.
• In his afterword, Covey distinguishes between principles and values in ways he has learned more about since the book was published. "I have learned [more about the] importance of understanding the difference between principles and values. Principles are natural laws that are external to us and that ultimately control the consequences of our actions. Values are internal and subjective and represent that which we feel strongest about in guiding our behavior. Hopefully we will come to value principles, so that we get the results we want now in a way that enables us to get even greater results in the future, which is how I define effectiveness. Everyone has values; even criminal gangs have values. Values govern peoples' behavior but principles govern the consequences of those behaviors. Principles are independent of us. They operate regardless of our awareness of them, acceptance of them, liking of them, belief in them, or obeying of them. I have come to believe that humility is the mother of all virtues. Humility says we are not in control, principles are in control, therefore we submit ourselves to principles. Pride says that we are in control, and since our values govern our behavior, we can simply do life our way. We may do so but the consequences of our behavior flow from principles not our values. Therefore we should value principles."
.
Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom. 
.
.
• Steve Pavlina (about) has just released (Sept 2008) Personal Development for Smart People: the Conscious Pursuit of Personal Growth (web Resources page). This book begins with seven principles, and adds practical application of these principles to your quest for personal growth. His three core or primary principles are [1] love, [2] truth, and [3] power; and his four secondary principles (combinations of the first three) are [4] oneness, [5] authority, [6] courage and [7] intelligence. What makes consideration of these principles important is that they are seen from a big-picture perspective in which they are universally true, do not change and can be applied over a broad spectrum of situations and circumstances to nearly every area of personal development. Because they are always rock-solid, the priorities, schedules and techniques which you derive from them remain anchored despite changing circumstances. Thus, the turbulence in your quest to improve does not affect the direction of your changes, it can only create a temporary diversion. As you adapt to the turbulence, you remain facing in (and confident of) the direction of the needed change. Steve (about) operates a very successful personal development blog at StevePavlina.com where you can read the content, and subscribe to the new entries. You will find this book and the blog especially helpful if, like me, you want to know what the over-arching principles are (and to be satisfied of their validity) before you jump into the application. Stephen Covey (above) makes many similar arguments concerning the importance of fundamental strength of character, etc. Though Pavlina is not trained as a psychologist or writer (he's a computer scientist and mathematician), his material is very readable and helpful.
• Here are a few of his blog entries that caught my eye.
• How to discover your life purpose in about 20 minutes. Then scroll to the bottom of the article to see the Related Articles list; and the comments are enlightening too.
• The Meaning of Life: Discover Your Purpose, or the whole Meaning of Life Series.
• His Life After Death article deals in a logical/philosophical way with the prospects (either oblivion or else continuing consciousness and development), use of agency and choice, and ideas for how to live this life intelligently in the interim. It is very thought provoking. His related article, A Scientific Method for Exploring Consciousness provides some further interesting ideas on the topic of our own consciousness, and our intelligent use of it. His note on different belief systems resonates, in that he was able to "... separate out some degree of “truth” that seemed independent of my perspective. For example, no matter what belief system I held, it was important to me that it feel good." At the end, he observes wryly, "Hopefully this is enough to give you a sense of my pseudo-scientific method for exploring consciousness—or at least belief systems, which is a part of consciousness. It’s still a bit wild at this point, but then so am I." In any event, these articles may give us some new ideas in our own quest for greater happiness and purpose.
•  A set of more than a dozen Personal Development Articles.
• ... there are many more.
.
Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom. 
.
.
.
.
.
.

Summary

• Finally, here is my own very informal list (distilled from the sources above and others) of potentially helpful ideas and practices. Some require preparation and work; but others require only a change in focus. Pick and choose the ones which resonate, and which you think may work today. Try others later. Try some of them as experiments. "Which option you choose has a lot to do with how happy you already are, how happy you would like to become, how much you're willing to work at it" and what you feel like trying at the moment. So return to the lists again and again. In this list also, they are in no order. And some have [More] links to more detail/options, if needed/desired.
  
• In this section, as personal suggestions, some of the most significant components of your quest might profitably include: Habits, Kindness, Generosity and Love toward yourself, Gratitude and Thankfulness. These were most helpful to me; your experience may emphasize different components, of course; and it will certainly include different components in differing quantities at different times. There is also a Recap section; also a few Caveats and "remember also" items--few quests for lasting happiness and joy are one-and-done; and finally there are a few timeless quotations that might be helpful at different times. I wish each of you all the best in your own unique quest for greater joy and happiness that lasts.
  
• There is a very good overview of some of these ideas which has been posted by Jolanta Burke via Pocket (their explore section) at The Conversation: "Joy Is Good for Your Body and Your Mind – Three Ways to Feel It More Often."  It is also on-line from 1 Mar 2023 directly at The Conversation: "Joy Is Good for Your Body and Your Mind – Three Ways to Feel It More Often" in case the above Pocket link has gone AWOL. Her three ways through which to feel it more often are (1) food, (2) physical activity, and (3) writing. These are all good sources of Joy which have resonated with me in my own quest. Other good sources are below.
• Also, by way of overview, Amy Maoz posts a Pocket Collections item: "A Counterintuitive Guide to Happiness". "For true contentment, adjust your approach," she says. She then lists a series of articles that emphasize that a quest for happiness by itself is very elusive. What would be more helpful, and likely more achievable is a quest for meaning or meaningfulness, in the process of which, one obtains their unique happiness, joy and contentment as a by-product. It is worth noting here that during the quest for meaning, your objectives will change as you learn what "meaningfulness" is for you. Of course, your "meaningfulness" is itself a moving target as you move throughout life. And that leads you to a place where, in the process of discovering your "meaningfulness," you also find the happiness that you derive from your journey to achieve it.
    
  
     ᠁

So, here is the list:  

• Look for happiness in activities and in thoughts, attitudes and habits, rather than by itself or in external circumstances. There is value also in studying, understanding and being aware of happiness and how it is achieved [see Fordyce's 14th Fundamental for Attaining Happiness - The Secret Fundamental].
• Make habits {my emphasis} of these and other helpful practices: "Habits are like financial capital – forming one today is an investment that will automatically give out returns for years to come." - Shawn Achor at GoodThink (about).
• See also "The 7 Habits of Happy People"; "7 Habits of Incredibly Happy People - Surprisingly, it can be the little things that have an outsized impact on our day-to-day happiness levels"; "The Habits Of Supremely Happy People"; "The Habits of Happiness"; "22 Habits Of Happy People"; and many others {just Google happiness habits}.
• Martin has posted 15 Habits Psychologists Have Linked with Happiness, which provides lots of good ideas, including meditation, forgiveness, smiling more, exercising, selfless service, etc., etc.
  
• As Dr. Dyer points out, "Most people are searching for happiness outside of themselves.  That’s a fundamental mistake [if undertaken by itself].  Happiness is something that you are, and it comes from the way that you think."³  An insightful and mature 16-year-old with whom I am acquainted has observed, "I have come to learn that happiness is not a product of circumstance but rather an intentionally chosen attitude."
• "The way you think" and changing the way you think is often called Cognitive reframing (wiki) in psychology. It is a whole subject by itself; and it is often central to making the changes which will improve your general level of happiness. The exercise of Thankfulness, just to pick one example, amounts to something like putting a new frame around your life experiences in which you include also the things you are thankful for, or thankful that you have, ... in addition to ruminating about all the things you do not like, are saddened by, annoyed with, etc. The balance of adding the thankfulness component helps you to see things in a better (more balanced) light. And that can often improve your mood. And (when practiced routinely, or as a habit) can also improve your general level of happiness. See also this link to [More] notes on "Be thankful and grateful for, and content with what you have." There are many other examples of changing the ways you interpret your experiences. Experiment with as many as you can. Some will help now; others will help later; still others will be less help. In some cases, come back to experiment with changes that didn't help much in earlier times. Often you will get a better result the second time. These kinds of changes are a very individual thing, and also depend heavily on the timing and other circumstances each time you engage with them. The point here is not to make a write-off of any of these kinds of changes permanently, especially if you tried them at a time when results were not forthcoming immediately. There is great hope they will help in other circumstances or times.
  
• "The way you think" can often be crucial. Your happiness derives not so much from the things that happen to you, or around you, but from the ways you interpret them. The Farnam Street Blog (about) posts "Mental Models: The Best Way to Make Intelligent Decisions" which identifies a bunch of mental models (ways of thinking about and interpreting things) which is very helpful. The key here is to focus on not just the one mental model that you think will be the most helpful, but to select several so you can see lots of different things from lots of different angles. the Models ... article is worth the read time (and is well-organized with lots of headings and sub-headings so you can skip around to pick the ones you have time to read about today). They also post good categorized lists of their articles, and you can subscribe to their newsletter to alert you of their current postings. Lots of good stuff here to help you change the way you think about things and to help you experience greater happiness and joy in everyday life.
  
• The article "We need new ways of treating depression" provides insights emphasizing the need for social, societal and environmental support as well as chemical (biological) treatment for depression. "... we have, as a society, built our responses to depression and anxiety almost entirely around changing brains, rather than changing lives," he says. Clearly, we need to take a much broader approach in attempting to remedy this condition.  
  
• See also the Think/Talk/Write section below. People on a quest for greater happiness and joy find is hugely consequential in managing their thinking processes, the way they think, and the ways their brain works.  
  
• Take a peek at "5 Ways To Make Yourself More Attractive In Any Relationship" by Jill Weber, PhD. "Feeling good about yourself makes you attractive to others. As you develop a habit of loving yourself, life becomes less burdensome and relationships become easier and more spontaneous. You don't spend your time second-guessing what others are thinking about you and where you stand in your various relationships. When you have an internal sturdiness deep within your core, you smoothly adapt to the inevitable ups and downs that come with relationships." [Incidentally, if you Google '5 ways to make yourself more attractive' you will uncover quite a few articles about that topic. Most look pretty helpful to me. Leave off the 5 and you get a dozen more--there are LOTS of ways that are helpful that you might not have predicted.]
• Another very interesting article deals with making a habit of broadening your outlook, which can lead to MUCH greater advancement in gaining happiness, well-being and success. "The 2 Mental Shifts Highly Successful People Make" will give you some insights. He quotes Stephen R. Covey in several places, and a number of other good sources. This idea has the potential to change your life in important ways, not just increased happiness.
• The article "15 Habits of Mentally Tough People" by Travis Bradberry is very helpful and upbeat. Mental toughness is at the nucleus of contentment and well-being. These timeless habits and approaches to life will go a long way in your journey toward increased happiness, joy and inner peace.
• The book "Better Than Before," by Gretchen Rubin (Times Sunday Book Review) points out that "... nothing in her [happiness project] research explained her friend’s predicament, so she began cogitating until: It was obvious! Habits."
• See also Farnam Street's article [my emphasis] "Habits vs. Goals: A Look at the Benefits of a Systematic Approach to Life." It talks about the power of habits, and distinguishes between setting goals and developing habits to create greater happiness, joy and life satisfaction.
• See also Mark Manson's article [my emphasis] "Your Goals Are Overrated; [Focus on habits instead]". He also relates goals and habits, ... and forming the habits is ultimately what delivers the results on an on-going basis.
• See also the Guardian piece, "Five ways to form a good habit that sticks." A research associate who studies habits says, "Forming a habit is trying to form a cue-behaviour link in your memory, meaning 'you perform the behaviour without intentionally having to make yourself do it'." Also, "There is some evidence to suggest we are more likely to create a habit when it connects to our sense of identity."
• Make a habit of actively seeking out opportunities to laugh (sometimes out loud). It may seem a little contrived and artificial, but lots of people who cultivate such a habit find themselves happier and more joyful as a result. Freda Gonot-Schoupinsky [about; her 36-page paper: "Prescribing laughter to increase well-being in healthy adults: An exploratory mixed methods feasibility study of the Laughie"] has posted on Psyche (about) an article: "How to laugh more," with a subtitle "You don’t have to wait to be amused, there are ways to train yourself to enjoy the ‘cheap medicine’ of laughter every day." In addition to an interesting discussion about laughter, this article also provided a few good laughs as built-in examples, or object lessons. Here are a few (some with my emphasis).
  
• Her word play in an aside about PMS made me laugh out loud. Said she: "This reminds me of a joke about PMS, but that’s not funny. Period." It was interesting to me that I found it funny in part because at that point in the article I was looking for things to find amusing. And it brightened my day when I thought further about adding a link to this web page of suggestions on attaining greater happiness and joy in life generally.
• She also points out that: "There are also benefits for psychological health and personal development. When you laugh, your brain releases mood-boosting chemicals, including endorphins, and fewer stress hormones–so laughing can reduce feelings of stress and symptoms of depression, and help you cope in challenging environments. Laughter can also improve sleep quality, increase self-esteem and creative thinking, and provide an environment that enhances learning. All that considered, we’d be wise to follow the words of the poet Lord Byron: ‘Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.’"
• You can laugh sometimes, even when there is no joke. From the article: "Most of us think of laughter as a spontaneous reaction to something funny, but that’s not always the case. Just think about babies–they don’t need jokes to laugh, and neither do we. Humour can certainly make us laugh, and laughing can make things humorous. But based on my own research and others’, it’s clear that they can occur separately too–and laughter without humour can still make you feel happy. The upshot is that we don’t need to wait for something funny to happen before we can experience the benefits of laughter."
• Make it a habit to make the choice to be happy. Thrive Global (about) has posted "The Power Of Deciding [to be] Happy: Just as you practice an instrument or public speaking, we can choose to practice a happy, accepting attitude." The article, by Pooja Mottl, Creator & Host at Calm & Free Podcast, points out (my emphasis) that "Buddhist and yogic knowledge tell us we already own it – we just have to quiet our mind enough, quit the craving and regret, and live in the present moment in order to tap into it from within. Western science and eastern philosophy also tell us that compassion, caring and pursuing a selfless goal in service to others, what yogis refer to as Karma Yoga, can bring about lasting happiness, too. Both roads will lead you there, but there’s an often forgotten bridge that you must also cross along the way: the choice you make to be happy." The author also cites Dr. Wayne Dyer's assertion that “Heaven on Earth is a choice you must make, not a place you must find”.
• MakeUseOf (MUO-getting the best out of your devices, and life in general; about) posts "The 80 Best Micro Habits to Change Your Life" by Adrian Nita. This abbreviated list hits all the improvement notes: goals, brain training, eating, sleeping, exercising, general organization, money management, developing social skills and socializing, using the tech selectively, etc. It can serve you as a quick reminder of very small and easy things you can do every day, and integrate into your habit set. It's a good place to go as a check-up habit to keep you on task in your habit development.
  

• Keep busy with lots of productive activities [More]. A healthy schedule helps divert your focus away from problems/worries/fears; and fun/new activities bring their own positive rewards.
• Feelings of satisfaction, fulfillment and creativity are major building blocks to an overall sense of happiness.

• Engage in meaningful activity. A meaningful or purposeful exercise regimen would double the benefit.
• Emily Isfahani Smith at nymag.com has posted Pursue Meaning Instead of Happiness, She points out that "... the happy life and the meaningful life differ — and that the surest path to true happiness lies in chasing not just happiness but also a meaningful life."
• Zat Rana [other articles] posts a personal growth piece: "The Purpose of Life Isn’t to Be Happy [its to be fulfilled]." He points out that [most people "will tell you that they want to be happy. If you dig deeper into what they mean, they’ll tell that they want to feel good and comfortable and be at ease."]. He also says flatly, "Happiness isn’t obtained. It’s earned. It’s not the product. It’s the byproduct." This article might help you to see your quest for happiness from a more helpful perspective.
• Scientific American posts "The Differences between Happiness and Meaning in Life," by Scott Barry Kaufman. The author points out that "[a]n increasing body of research suggests that that there can be substantial trade-offs between seeking happiness and seeking meaning in life. Consider, for instance, the “parenthood paradox”: parents often report that they are very happy they had children, but parents who are living with children usually score very low on measures of happiness."  He also notes that "Finding one’s life easy or difficult was related to happiness, but not meaning." Yet "Helping people in need was linked to meaning but not happiness." The connection between meaning and happiness may not always be what you might think; and it can be different for different people, or at different times. This article covers important distinctions and related considerations you might find helpful in your happiness quest.
  
• Seeking success also has a downside to consider too. The Atlantic has posted "How to Build a Life: ‘Success Addicts’ Choose Being Special Over Being Happy ... The pursuit of achievement distracts from the deeply ordinary activities and relationships that make life meaningful" by Arthur C. Brooks. He points out that if you "imagine ... reading a story titled “The Relentless Pursuit of Success,” [t]hat would be an inspiring story, wouldn’t it? Maybe—but maybe not. It might well be the story of someone whose never-ending quest for more and more success leaves them perpetually unsatisfied and incapable of happiness."  
    
  
• Another Brooks article, also in The Atlantic, is "Stop Keeping Score." In it he makes lots of good points about how looking to accomplishments [as the principal road to happiness] can be an impediment. He says, "I don’t mean that accomplishment and ambition are bad, but that they are simply not the drivers of our happiness. By the time many people figure this out on their own, they have spent a lifetime checking things off lists, yet are unhappy and don’t know why." He also points out that "You can be motivated to do something intrinsically (it gives you satisfaction and enjoyment) or extrinsically (you are given a reward, such as money or recognition). Most people know that intrinsic rewards are the sweeter of the two." And he further notes that "extrinsic rewards can actually extinguish intrinsic rewards, leading us to enjoy our activities less." He points out that we need to be careful not to drive ourselves away from happiness: "The scorecard approach to life also feeds right into a known human tendency that drives us away from happiness: People often have trouble finding lasting satisfaction from worldly rewards, because as soon as we acquire something, our desire resets and we are looking to the next reward." He suggests asking yourself questions like these: 1. Who has intrinsic characteristics that I admire and want to emulate? 2. What do people most need from me, and how can I provide it? 3. What is my life’s purpose?
    
  
• Yet another Brooks article, also in The Atlantic, and bringing us back to greater balance in what we are seeking, is titled "What the Second-Happiest People Get Right." He says, "If you make happiness your primary goal, you might miss out on the challenges that give life meaning." Also, from the article are a few quotes (my emphasis):
• "None of this is to say that we should shun good feelings, or that we’re foolish for wanting to be happy. On the contrary, the desire for happiness is natural and normal. However, making the quest for positive feelings—and the fight to banish negative ones—your highest or only goal is a costly life strategy. Unmitigated happiness is impossible to achieve (in this mortal coil at least), and chasing it can be dangerous and deleterious to our success."
• "If you make happiness your primary goal, you might miss out on the challenges that give life meaning."
• "Happiness itself would lose its meaning were it not for the contrast that we inevitably experience with sadness. “Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness,” Carl Jung said in an interview in 1960." 
    
  
• Still another Brooks article (list of his articles, in The Atlantic) entitled "Jung’s Five Pillars of a Good Life" points out a number of very helpful ideas about any search for greater happiness. It deals with the context of the quest rather than the happiness itself. The latter is often elusive, even when pursued with diligence and consistency. Study of the methods of reaching it is helpful to many pursuers.    
  
• The article lists and elaborates Jung's 5 pillars of a good life:
• 1. Good physical and mental health.
• 2. Good personal and intimate relations,
       such as those of marriage, family, and friendships.
• 3. Seeing beauty in art and in nature.
• 4. A reasonable standard of living and satisfactory work.
• 5. A philosophical or religious outlook that fosters resilience.
    
  
• His seven-point summary, as he says, "stand up solidly to modern research findings" ...
• ...
  1. Do not fall prey to seeking pure happiness.
       Instead, seek lifelong progress toward happierness.
  2. Manage as best you can the main sources of misery in your life
       by attending to your physical and mental health,
        maintaining employment, and ensuring an adequate income.
  3. If you’re earning enough to take care of your principal needs,
       remember that happiness at work comes not from chasing higher income
        but from pursuing a sense of accomplishment and service to others.
  4. Cultivate deep relationships through marriage, family, and real friendships.
       Remember that happiness is love.
        [It is the "love one another" and "love your neighbor"
         that Christianity has been teaching for 2,000+ years].
  5. If you have discretionary income left over,
       use it to invest in your relationships with family and friends.
  6. Spend time in nature, surround yourself with beauty that uplifts you,
       and consume the art and music that nourish your spirit.
  7. Find a path of transcendence—one that explains the big picture in life
       and helps you comprehend suffering and the purpose of your existence.
    
  
• Brooks concludes with this summary about Carl Jung:
• "Beyond the scientific research that supports this strategy,
    we also have the evidence of its effectiveness in the example of Jung’s life.
     He made his list to mark his 85th birthday, which was to be
      the last one he celebrated. By all accounts, he made progress
       toward happiness over his life, had a long and devoted marriage,
        died surrounded by the people he loved, and was satisfied
         that he had used his abilities in a meaningful way
          that served others. In this world, that sounds pretty good to me."
    
    
  
• Select the level of happiness you most want over the long term, and work to achieve it consistently. The four levels are: the pleasant life, the good life (where flow comes in), the meaningful life and the full life. Think about moving up to the next higher level of the happy life you want to achieve. See "This Is How To Have A Happy Life: 4 Proven Secrets From Research" {its from Eric at Barking Up the Wrong Tree; blog topics} for a good description of the four types of happiness, their costs and benefits, and some steps to achieve each.
• The Greater Good Magazine (about) has posted "The Top 10 Insights from the “Science of a Meaningful Life” in 2020." They cite (1) Rich and varied experiences may be an overlooked key to a good life, (2) If you want to connect with someone, call rather than text, (3) Acting like an extravert can make you happier, (4) Cooperating with each other may encourage kids to work harder, (5) For a more empathic world, we need to choose empathy, (6) Witnessing gratitude and kindness helps bond people together, (7) To get people to follow COVID guidelines, appeal to their care for others, (8) We might care more about inequality if we question our underlying assumptions about poverty, (9) Social justice and individual happiness go hand in hand, and (10) Living in diverse communities may reduce stereotypes—and improve well-being. 
  
• Jill Suttie, one of the authors in the above Greater Good Magazine (about) article, has also posted "Seven Ways to Bring More Meaning to Your Life" {2025} to complement the earlier meaningfulness ideas. She covers Why focus on meaning[?], and How to infuse life with more meaning, starting the latter topic with "Ground yourself in your personal values." Lots of good ideas here and in related articles (scroll to bottom of the page to see "You May Also Enjoy" links).
  
• The same magazine posts "Ten Ways to Make Your Time Matter;" but that title can be misleading. Its what matters to you that's important; not your boss or your shareholders. The author makes the concise point: "... the modern discipline of time management (or productivity) is depressingly narrow-minded, focused on devising the perfect morning routine or trying to crank through as many tasks as possible, while investing all your energy on reaching some later state of well-being and accomplishment. It ignores the fact that the world is bursting with wonder—and that experiencing more of that wonder may come at the cost of [narrowly defined] productivity." He also says, provocatively, "Decide in advance what to fail at." And he devotes a whole section of the article to it. It is often very helpful to take a step or two back, and look at an old problem from a wider perspective. And often, you can even increase shareholder value by keeping yourself in better mental trim. And you will much more often be happier too. Everybody wins.
• They also post an article "How Does Your Personality Affect Your Happiness?" The article author is Jill Suttie, and it relies heavily on a study by René Mõttus of Edinburgh University and the University of Tartu in Estonia. Here Suttie compares accomplishment and status predictors with personality predictors of life satisfaction, among other things. Here are a few quotations from the article that stood out for me (my emphases). It is an 8 or 10 minute read.
  
• “The single most important thing from which you can recognize somebody with low life satisfaction is if they feel that other people don’t understand them,” says Mõttus. “That’s the thing that really stood out. ... It was by far the most consistent predictor.”
• "Does this mean that creating greater understanding between people might increase life satisfaction more widely, then? Maybe feeling understood could help people feel less lonely or isolated."
• “Whatever the link between personality and life satisfaction is, it persists over time,” says Mõttus. “If we wanted to predict someone’s life satisfaction in 10 years, we could just as well predict it from their personality traits now.”
• "... research has found that many well-being practices—like gratitude and self-compassion, for example—can shift people’s life satisfaction without consideration of their personality type, per se."
• “Circumstances just happen—they come and go,” says Mõttus. “On the positive side of this, if negative things happen, they probably don’t matter that much. You can be happy based on your personality, and you will probably bounce back pretty quickly.”
  

•   Social interaction provides what is perhaps the most important activity leading to increased happiness and balance for many people [More].
• Mattering to somebody else gives value to self. Seek a wide variety of interaction from casual one-on-one to large organized/formal group interactions.
• Engaging with others helps you see your own situation in a more balanced context.
• Being connected to somebody else helps with balance, with feelings of acceptance and with ability to extend love to others. All lead to greater happiness.

• Be part of (or work toward) a rewarding love-relationship -- it is the number 1 happiness asset for most everyone according to many researchers.
• Melanie Curtin has posted "Spouses Who Have This 1 View of Their Partner Are Twice as Happy in Life." Apparently, the key to a thriving relationship also makes you happier in life. The key, predictably, both for married and unmarried but cohabiting couples, is that they are married to or partnered with the person they consider their best friend. Melanie also posts "Want a Fulfilling Relationship? Science Says the Happiest Couples Have These 13 Characteristics."
• In a similar vein, Arthur C. Brooks has posted in The Atlantic, an article entitled "The Type of Love That Makes People Happiest." Says he, "When it comes to lasting romance, passion has nothing on friendship." Brooks also writes a weekly column, "How to Build a Life," a column about pointing yourself toward happiness. Below are some quoted lines from the article (a good read; and sometimes with my emphasis):
• "Falling in love can be exhilarating, but it isn’t the secret to happiness per se. You might more accurately say that falling in love is the start-up cost for happiness—an exhilarating but stressful stage we have to endure to get to the ['companionate love'] relationships that actually fulfill us."
•  In the longer view, "The most important predictors of late-life happiness are stable relationships—and, especially, a long romantic partnership. The healthiest participants at age 80 tend to have been most satisfied in their relationships at age 50. ... In other words, the secret to happiness isn’t falling in love; it’s staying in love."
• "The important thing for well-being is relationship satisfaction, and that depends on what psychologists call 'companionate love'—love based less on passionate highs and lows and more on stable affection, mutual understanding, and commitment."
  
• Speaking of his wife of 30+ years, Brooks says "we don’t just love each other; we like each other, too. Once and always my romantic love, she is also my best friend."
• "Being rooted in friendship is the reason that 'companionate love' creates true happiness."
• "... the romance of 'companionate love' seems to make people happiest when it’s monogamous. ... for men and women alike, 'The happiness-maximizing number of sexual partners in the previous year is calculated to be 1'."
• "The deep friendship of 'companionate love' should not be exclusive, however. ... married people aged 22 to 79 who said they had at least two close friends ... had higher levels of life satisfaction and self-esteem and lower levels of depression than spouses who did not have close friends outside their marriage."
• "It is not the absence of love but the absence of friendship that makes marriages unhappy."
• And finally, from other sources, "... people who consider their spouse to be their best friend are almost twice as satisfied in their marriages as other people." And "upping your sexual activity from once a month to once a week can cause happiness levels to jump by as much [as it would] if you made an extra $50,000 a year."
  
• For those who are faith inspired, have perhaps been raised to avoid these topics growing up, and are looking for reliable information about lovemaking that is consistent with Christian religious thought, an active Latter-day Saint couple has written a tasteful and frank discussion that is very helpful and long overdue: "And It Was Very Good: A Latter-day Saint’s Guide to Lovemaking."
  
• On a more secular level, the Huffington Post Relationships section recommends "15 Books All Couples Should Read, According To Marriage Therapists" which may also provide helpful hints on some of the difficulties in love and marriage relationships.
  
• The Atlantic also posts "What Becoming a Parent Really Does to Your Happiness," by Paul Bloom. His subtitle is "Research has found that having children is terrible for quality of life—but the truth about what parenthood means for happiness is a lot more complicated." He also cites the enigma: "Many people would have had happier lives and marriages had they chosen not to have kids—yet they still describe parenthood as the “best thing they’ve ever done.” Why don’t we regret having children more?" It's a good read for those looking for happiness articles with a little more depth.
  
• And here is an interesting article posted by Melanie Curtin: "Want to Fall in Love With Your Partner Again? Science Says to Ask Them These 36 Questions."
• And, in case working toward a rewarding love-relationship seems a little too daunting just now, the article "A Man’s Guide To Being Happy About Being Single," by Harris O'Malley, offers some stop-gaps that might help with becoming happier as a single bloke in the meantime. And in speaking of choosing meaningful activities, he makes a very astute observation [my emphasis]. "Finding a community and a cause helps bring a sense of security and belonging that we crave, as well as providing a way to connect to our passions. That sense of doing something meaningful – even if it’s just meaningful in your small corner of fellow devotees – is incredibly satisfying. Because you have purpose and drive and a sense that what you’re doing has worth, it brings a sense of fulfilment that few other things will. Because you’re doing it for yourself, instead of the approval of others, you’ll find that the contentment fills you and validates you. It helps close that hole that so many try to fill with the approval of others." 
  
• And, then, if you are thinking about the intricacies of relationships and dating, Claire Simmons at the Dating Sidekick website (about) has posted "Types of Dating – Answers to all Your Relationship Questions" and other dating blogs. Maybe you can find some comfort and ideas about a starting place there.
  
• In marriage, be sure to keep work relationships and spousal relationships separate. See the article "How to Keep Work Friendships From Crossing the Line." It has some good suggestions concerning why having a "work wife[/husband]" may hurt your overall performance, and [some helpful notes about] the best ways to maintain a professional relationship.
  

• Generosity and kindness are together a helpful mindset. Help others with no thought of any return. Go the second mile sometimes.
• Engage in meaningful, productive volunteerism (and get three benefits in one). Do it kindly, and get four benefits.
• Hold a brand new baby; tell the baby of your love; welcome it to the world; smile; enjoy the uninhibited social contact with the baby; feel the baby's acceptance.
• See "Cultivating [generosity] Can Make You Happier ..." on Thrive Global (about).
  
• Avoid making enemies: just be friendly and helpful always. Remember that friends come and go, but enemies accumulate, ... and it is never helpful to have enemies.

• Be generous and loving with yourself. Make yourself your own best friend and booster.
• Be loving to yourself. Dr. Wayne Dyer says: "I choose the path of kindness. The more you extend kindness to yourself, the more it will become your automatic response to others."⁶
• Kathryn Thompson (about1; about2) posted "Drops of Awesome" on her former blog (still up): Daring Young Mom (archive). Her new blog is Drops of Awesome. Her message in this article is to acknowledge your accomplishments to maintain a more healthy balance with your inner critic. The article brings a very uplifting and comforting influence, especially when you are feeling down. It is very well written; and is only a part of a tonne of related material, especially for Moms. And now there is a book. She gets a big thumbs up here. 
• And, by the way, if the above sources have gone AWOL, then try this: plain text file of Drops of Awesome.
  
• As Shanel Yang says, "Dare to be awesome! Strive to be your own greatest hero!"
• Avoid distorted thinking by allowing yourself to fail in one thing without concluding you are a complete loser [More].

• Focus on the here and now - mindfulness, as the Buddhists teach it [More]. Pay attention to small wonders, pleasures and happy moments.
• One researcher says to step away momentarily and savor (or dwell on) a happy activity; then step back in, recognizing its value on a higher level. Dwell on that, too.
• Do your chores mindfully and you will be amazed to find them becoming much more tolerable, even pleasant and then desirable activities. It is uncanny.
• John Parrott (about) posts The Art Of Mindfulness: Why Mindfulness Matters with lots of tips on the why and how of just paying attention to the present moment for relaxation. Good stuff.
• Take a quick peek at "7 Ways to Find More Joy in Your Everyday Routine:" When happiness becomes your focal point, your whole life will change.
  It is on Thrive Global (about), along with a tonne of other helpful posts.
• Lifehack (about) posts "The Multifaceted Benefits of Keeping a Mindfulness Journal" by Brianna Johnson. She cites several areas where writing Journal entries can produce helpful outcomes: Catharsis (helps you drop old unhelpful restrictions), Gratitude (lots of researchers agree this is helpful over a wide range of situations and circumstances), Decision-making (become firmer in your decisions, sooner), Keeping [better] Track [of your goals and achievements], Assigning Meaning (pursuit of meaning is often more helpful than logging achievements for some personalities). Johnson's concise and straightforward style can provide you with the impetus you might need to get started with keeping a Journal. This article is only about a 5 minute read, and may be worth the effort just to start a trial to see if Journaling could be helpful for your happiness quest. There is definitely something very helpful about writing things down, especially for some personalities. It is a whole topic worth pursuing further if you feel any resonance with this idea. One author Johnson cites says: "I truly believe we don’t know how we feel until we write it down."
  

• Practice regular meditation, which can be a powerful source of happiness, contentment and well-being that is purely internal [More].

• Make a regular morning routine that starts your day on a stress-free note: it will make more difference than you might think (and an evening routine too) [More].

• Do things when they need to be done - avoid procrastination (it robs you of your happiness) - develop self-reliance [More].

• Regulate your appetites and passions (and even your perfectionism) [More].
• Use wisdom and moderation in all you do. "Just do something sensible," said the sage.
• "In the 1940s and 50s, Maria Callas became one of classical music’s best-selling vocalists and today is still considered by many to be the greatest operatic soprano of all time. Yet this diva’s career became an example of how striving for perfection can eat away at excellence. Callas developed a “perfectionism that grew ever more fierce,” reported the Washington Post. The soprano pushed herself to be flawless at the expense of her health and relationships, at work and outside, and her physical and mental health began suffering. Callas’s expectations of perfection weighed so heavily that she eventually had a hard time singing, leading her to put strain on herself and everyone around her." -- The article "The Hidden Cost of Perfectionism at Work" from which this quotation came is cited in the [More] section below.
  
• And maybe your sugar consumption impinges on your happiness in ways you did not predict. [More].

• Focus on getting enough sleep; not more, not less. Focus on getting enough nutritious foods; not more, not less.

• Be thankful and grateful for, and content with what you have. Count your blessings--recognize and appreciate them. Do it regularly.
• Write down three good things that happened each day before retiring. Note how they came about [More]. Think about them as you go to sleep.
• Add thoughts of forgiveness, goodwill and loving kindness. They all magnify the effects.
• Be thankful for ordinary things; and move ordinary things to a higher potential for deriving happiness.
• See the Thrive Global (about) post "How to Find the Pleasure in the Ordinary." These pandemic days are "calling for us to look deeper and find a sense of joy and meaning in the simplest things."
• Remember that the happiness is inside you, waiting for you to feel it: "It takes more stillness to hear the subtle whisper of the voice of the Spirit that says, “I am still here. I never left, I’m never going anywhere. And you can feel me and find me as you stop looking back to what was, and instead open up your heart to experience what is now."
    
  
• Dr. Sharon Bergquist (about), a Board-Certified Physician, Research Scientist and Lifestyle medicine pioneer, posts "Do You Have Enough GRATITUDE? It Can Change Your Life and Your Health."  In this article, Dr. Sharon talks about aspects of gratitude you may not have considered, including gratitude's unexpected benefits: "practicing gratitude can improve your emotional well-being, social relationships, and physical health."  She also talks about how it works: "Expressing gratitude can help you focus on the positive rather than negative aspects of any situation. Feeling optimism helps you approach challenging situations more productively."  She mentions Transforming Benefits of Gratitude: "Your mind cannot hold two emotions at the same time. Finding the “gift” in situations can push out destructive emotions such as anger and envy. So, rather than trying to not worry or not think about a stressful event, you will have greater success replacing your negative thoughts with more positive ones." She points out that it can Improve your relationships: "Acknowledging and appreciating kindness encourages the positive spiral of generosity and good will that strengthens relationships. When people do nice things for you, you are more likely to return the favor." She also mentions that it gives you resilience: "Reframing your thinking pattern from negative self-doubt and expectation of failure to positively approaching situations as a new challenge is one way. It gives you a sense of control, which “buffers” your stress response and increases your resilience." She further notes that it protects against mental illness: "Gratitude can also be a healing force for overcoming and even growing after a traumatic event. The extent to which you are able to find some benefit from an experience that caused intense suffering can influence your recovery." And it Improves your physical health: "Gratitude has been proven to lower blood pressure, improve sleep, and improve immune function. Also, people who feel gratitude are more likely to exercise, take better care of themselves, and have healthier habits." There is lots of food for thought here to help you in your happiness quest.
    
  
• More food for thought: "Those who are not grateful soon begin to complain [about] everything." -- Thomas Merton, Thoughts in Solitude.
    
  
• Remember: It is not about forced gratitude (trying to find a positive component of something you did not want, or even hated). That can even add to your resentments. Rather, it is about balance. By adding thoughts about things you are grateful for, you create a better balance in your thinking than if you think only of things (sometimes called rumination) which you are not grateful for [More].
    
  
• For those who are faith inspired, exercise faith, prayer and scripture study with humility and patience. Focus on aligning practices with beliefs [More].
• See also the item just above from Thrive Global: "How to Find the Pleasure in the Ordinary."

• Seek out humor and fun. Read the comics. Laugh out loud.
• Remember also to look for things to laugh about. See the item on making it a habit to practice laughter (above).
    
  

• Think of the positive parts (cup half full, not half empty), and the good things that could happen.
• Optimism is a good predictor of happiness. It may be the most important attitude leading to increased happiness.
  There is much [More] helpful information on this potent force for increasing your happiness levels.
  These are low cost items that you can try more-or-less for free to see how they work for you, even if you are
  very sure there is no future in it. It is worth a try in any event.
  
• Avoid cynicism (cup is twice as big as it needs to be). It can rob you of your optimism.

• Eliminate worry (it never solves the problem; just change the subject in your mind to something positive and/or enjoyable).
• Let go of unhelpful worries/fears/regrets/past hurts/recriminations/low self-image and other baggage. [More].
• Letting go frees up energy for positive steps toward greater happiness, and eliminates an important block to greater happiness.

• Work toward getting out of debt and staying out of debt. Financial hassles can drain potential for happiness, especially in some individuals.

• Find your passion; make a career of it. Work constitutes a big chunk of time; being happy in your work can contribute significantly to overall happiness [More].
• As Seligman puts it: "figure out your strengths, and find new ways to deploy them." Working from your strengths can be the number 1a lasting happiness choice for students.
• Working from strength applies not only to work/career, but to hobbies, retirement projects, lifetime pursuits that may need to be done part time, etc. It all leads to greater happiness.
• Job satisfaction is the strongest factor in predicting Men's happiness. See "The strongest predictor of men’s well-being isn’t family or health" for background, etc. Author Leah Fessler says, "The strongest predictor of men’s happiness and well-being is their job satisfaction, by a large margin—and the strongest predictor of job satisfaction is whether men feel they are making an impact on their companies’ success." She quotes from a report on a UK study which explains. “Men at work are more likely to be men at ease with themselves. Everything else—contentment at home, in relationships and friendships—flows down from men being satisfied at work.” And she adds that "... by and large, American men (along with their peers in the UK) derive happiness not from traditional notions of power and strength, but from the typically quieter task of doing meaningful work and contributing to the communities around them."
• As Benjamin Hardy has said, "There is a profound new insight emerging from the field of positive psychology and it’s this: The view we have of our own future is the greatest determinant in who we are and what we do today. Said another way: What we do today is based on the future we see for ourselves." See [More] for a link to his article "Make Decisions Today That Will Impress Your Friends In 20 Years".

• Work toward a higher education and higher income. Money doesn't buy happiness, but having enough to meet your needs reduces stress and disappointment.
• On the "higher income" front, take a peek at "19 Things Future Multimillionaires Do in Their 20s" for ideas to implement while you are still young. The subtitle is "No matter how much you start out with, you'll be a lot richer in your 30s if you adopt these habits in your 20s." Author Bill Murphy Jr., points out that higher education has more to do with a strategy of life-long learning than a lot of university course work, especially at expensive schools, ... and most especially if student loans are involved.
  

• Act like a happier person. Smile more. Smile at yourself in the mirror first thing in the morning. Initially it may seem shallow and faked; but you will be surprised to find yourself actually feeling happier with time (and acting less).

• Remember that by simply thinking about and valuing happiness (paying increased attention to it) you obtain a free by-product: increased happiness [More].

.
.
• Finally: Avoid what leads to unhappiness [More] -- be patient; focus on building your own strengths of character and purity of heart--your worst enemy can't stop or even interfere with either one. And don't keep your innate happiness from helping you to feel better. See also the notes on the "Let go of ... baggage" item [More].

• Ignore gender, intelligence, wealth and age -- much of research says they are all largely irrelevant in the quest for greater happiness, satisfaction, inner peace and contentment.
• There is a not insignificant caveat here, though, with respect to age.
  
• You can't do anything about your age beyond accepting it along with the idea of getting older every day. That said, Lucy Rock of the Guardian has posted "Life gets better after 50: why age tends to work in favour of happiness," which suggest at least the possibility that if we wait for it from a younger age, greater happiness may come to us with the passage of time. In our 20s we are often actively seeking status improvements; and in the decades that follow we achieve some of them. At mid-life, once we become ok with that, our values change from status seeking (and comparing where we are with where we had hoped to be) toward more gratitude and greater service to others without thought of return. That shift alone (in the way we think about it) can bring us greater happiness and life satisfaction. Lucy covers other important aspects too, and refers to Johathan Rauch's book "The Happiness Curve: Why Life Gets Better After 50," and other research. The bottom line here is that age is not a factor in today's happiness (largely because we cannot change it), but overall, our view of our situation and  circumstances can become better (and happier) as time goes on.
• Mary Kane posts "Secrets of Happiness from the Oldest of the Old" in which she comments on John Leland's book "Happiness Is a Choice You Make: Lessons From a Year Among the Oldest Old" (Sarah Crichton Books, $16), and her interview with the author. His emphasis that happiness is a choice is significant (my emphasis): "The title of the book is Happiness Is a Choice You Make, but the key word isn’t happiness. It’s choice. It’s declaring that you won’t be defined or determined by the circumstances of your life. You have a say in this. That declaration is liberating. That liberation is happiness. Happiness isn’t just the thing you choose; it’s the act of choosing it that makes you happy."
  

• Engage a balance of seeking happiness from your surroundings and in seeking happiness from within. Haidt has the best information on this balance, and the necessity of both components.

• Remember that this quest for happiness is for the long haul. There will be good days and bad days. It will take time and effort. Remember Beverly Sills, the American opera singer: "There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."

• Don't make disappointing experiences any worse than they are (or have to be), especially when you are feeling rejection. In his article, "Why rejection hurts so much — and what to do about it," Dr. Guy Winch (about) says we can easily make it quite a bit worse by our reaction to it. He also points out some very useful coping remedies. A Huff Post article "This Is Why Rejection Hurts (And How To Cope)" that refers to Winch's ideas is also helpful. Another Huff Post Healthy Living post, "7 Secrets of Happy People" may give you some ideas what you can do and what you can avoid to create greater happiness in your life too.

• Consider the effects of the non-stop brand management that is demanded of participants on social media, especially young teens. An article on the BBC points out some of the negative and unrealistic pressures that social media put on developing youngsters, ... and maybe some oldsters too. The article is "How do you help young girls feel happier?"
• In a similar vein, Scott Rosenberg's "The social media addiction bubble" adds perspective on the addictive worries about on-line and other content from a broader point of view.
• And Akshata Shanbhag posts "What Happens When You Quit Social Media? 6 Things I Learned" She notes that "if you're planning to quit social media, you might have questions about what comes next. Here's what you can expect." Her most interesting bottom line [to me] was about one of the gains: "You score the mental bandwidth you need to do deep work."
  

• Take a peek at a Thrive Global post, 4 Ways My Smartphone Has Sucked the Soul Out of Me, and How I’m Fighting Back: Reclaiming my time has started with setting boundaries. Gabriel Fairman points out that at times his smart phone owns him, and that it is he that is being consumed by it. His fight back has lots of good ideas for better balance, especially in his use of idle moments. He observes that "Every moment I am away from my phone is quietly filling me with anguish. The smartphone owns me and has warped my will towards me thinking that I want to use it when actually I just cannot help but using it. Sounds familiar? That’s an addict right there." And he also notes, "... but I think we will at some point realize that the very stuff that is empowering us, allowing us to become beyond human, is also destroying what made us human in the very first place." His comments fit well with Marcus Aurelius: “People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills. ... There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in [their] own mind. ... So constantly give yourself this retreat [without your phone in hand], and renew yourself.”

• Be careful not to sabotage your own happiness. Believe-it-or-not, many people do just that, mostly subconsciously, or just without thinking about it. Take a peek at Jay's description of and comments on "What is self defeating behavior? (What you can do to beat it)". Or just Google "self defeating behavior" without the quotes. Simply re-focusing your thinking and self-talk (then deliberately re-focusing again when it comes up again) can make a big difference in your quest for enduring personal happiness. It sets the stage for a more balanced outlook in your mind as you go about your everyday life.
  

• Recap: Here are a few simplified rules for living a happier life, finding greater joy and fulfillment. Google "rules for a happier life" <without the quotes>, ... there are quite a few others.
• Karl Moore's 18 Rules of Happiness (.PDF) is long-ish but thorough. The table of contents is good, and you can just skim through the topics and read the ones that interest you most at the moment. The order is unimportant for lots of readers. Karl says "keep a copy in your restroom and read a randomly-selected rule every time you visit." :) Karl also posts 17 Rules for Happiness that is an overview in two or three screens if you want to start out with something short. {I didn't figure which one he left out :)}.
  
• Elyse Santilli at Notes on Bliss (about) posts 15 Rules to Live By for a Happier Life. It is only about 5 screens, and overlaps with the above item somewhat.
• "Dalai Lama’s 18 Rules for Living" expanded is a gem. He has something profound and worthwhile to say on many subjects; and he always says it well.
• "New Neuroscience Reveals 5 Rituals That Will Make You Happy" is a quick guide to activities which can give you a work-around when searching directly for increased happiness falls short (it can be "too vague and abstract" he says).
• In the context of the 2020 New Year, Elle Hunt posted on the Guardian website "The joy audit: how to have more fun in 2020" [or anytime, really]. Elle points out that Nataly Kogan, the author of Happier Now, says: “Happiness and emotional health are not extras, or bonuses, or nice-to-haves–they’re actually at the core of what helps us live well.” And she might have added that it is not just obtainable in 2020 either.
• Thrive Global (about) posts "10 Small Ways to Boost Your Happiness This Year, According to a Psychotherapist: A simple mindset shift can go a long way", by Jonathan Alpert. Alpert suggests that "For [some people], happiness feels like an impossibility. However, by thinking about things a bit differently, this leads to the awareness that happiness is within reach and can be obtained by making some simple changes."
  
• ...
• Further information is at the Related Resources and the See Also sections below the notes.
  
.
.
.
"Most people are searching for happiness outside of themselves.
That’s a fundamental mistake [if undertaken by itself].
Happiness is something that you are, and it comes from the way that you think."³
.
.
.
.
.
• Here are some caveats, provisos, qualifications and "remember also" items to keep in mind.

• Keep in mind that every one of us is unique: we each come from someplace unique and via a unique route, we each have a unique frame of reference and a momentarily unique frame of mind. And we all engage in a unique quest for our own unique happiness. Furthermore, it is all uniquely dynamic as we age, learn, grow, develop and expand our understanding. Everybody's quest for happiness is a unique journey, and involves different-though-often-similar steps, each in a unique sequence. What works in one sequence for one person, will work only in a different sequence for another person. This page deals with quite a few of the factors that are common to specific writers, researchers and pursuers of their own happiness quests. But they are only a starting point if you are just beginning your quest, ... and even if this is the starting point for your continuing quest. Return often to these lists. What seemed unhelpful one day, may resonate anew on a different day in different circumstances, and at a different stage of growth, and often with a slightly changed target for the sought-after happiness. A fresh start is very often helpful in any long term quest.
  

• All the ideas on this page are presented as prospective alternatives. There is is ample evidence that there is no single silver bullet in anybody's quest for happiness. As above, everybody's quest is unique, moment-to-moment even. The cliché that everybody's quest for happiness "is a journey not a destination" certainly applies here. And we might even add that it is a virtually endless journey throughout mortal life. As we reach certain levels and plateaus of happiness, our satisfaction with and the very definition of happiness itself changes.

• In marriage and in other committed and lasting partnerships the quest for happiness can become a joint pursuit. And that changes fundamentally almost everything about the journey for each partner as they age, grow and expand together and separately, each from separate points on their path and via their separate routes and sequences. In one context it can become very messy; but in another it can become a very stimulating and exhilarating joint quest in new dimensions and with a tonne of added components, especially if a family eventuates.

• Consider using, as a mechanism for implementing your happiness quest, some variant of the think/talk/write model. In this model of management of your thinking, you employ some mix of a three-pronged approach: First you think about it, then you talk to others about it (friends, family, maybe even a therapist), then you write about it. 
• This business of the management of your thinking is hugely consequential for those who employ it, especially the effectiveness of the writing segment. Keeping a Journal or diary is only one way of preserving what you write about. It is mentioned liberally elsewhere on this page, a Gratitude Journal being but one of many possibilities in exploiting the power of writing about your quest for happiness and joy. A word to the wise. 
  
• In each endeavor you use different circuits or something like that in your thinking processes. When you are thinking, it is some sort of all-internal method: just you and your brain in its current condition. You consider both your own conventional thinking and the thinking of other traditions that you have found helpful.
  
• When you are talking about it with others, you bring in other brain functions, particularly word selection and the formation of sentences. These are primal thinking processes that you learned very early in your mortal life. They are expansions of the even more primal thinking of your non-verbal brain. Also, in addition to your own thinking processes and your verbal processes, you are listening to the verbal presentations of those with whom you are speaking. It needs to be a conversation for this segment to be most profitable. If you are only talking about it to vent, you only get the benefits your own verbalizations. If you also listen, particularly to empathize and understand, you get the benefit of at least some of the differences between your own thinking and the thinking (and verbalizations) of others. These add balance to your own thinking as you integrate and absorb the ones that resonate with you. You also get the views of others through any of your reading, of course. And some of your reading can turn into a conversation, too, if you correspond with authors. But mostly, reading helps you to see another view of the subject as defined by that author. That can help broaden the subject, but it is not as easy to keep the subject narrow when you want to focus only on a particular aspect of it. In this case, you just keep (and learn from) the parts of the subject that are of current interest. The rest can be left for study of broader aspects later.
• Always keep in mind that your current "thinking processes" or otherwise stated "the way you think" are the foundation of your happiness and joy. And if you change "the way you think" you are, by making that change, actually changing the way your brain works and the way it is wired. Neurologists have uncovered fascinating mechanisms in the ways our brains work: and each is unique to each individual. Always remember that it is YOUR BRAIN and THE WAY YOUR BRAIN WORKS that are pillars of your happiness and joy. Moreover, every time you use your thinking brain, it is actively changing its wiring on the go, always evolving so it can deliver better and better results. it is uncanny. As you change "the way you think" you are changing both the pathway to your happiness and joy AND the ways you recognize happiness and joy when it emerges. Importantly, "the way you think" is thus a win-win-win in your quest for happiness and joy. Ergo, it is worth your considerable focus and attention.
  
• Finally, in the third approach, you write about what you are thinking, verbalizing and learning. One author said wisely something like this: "we don't really know how we feel until we write about it." And lots of those who write say that there are even significant differences between writing by hand and keyboarding in this writing phase. As I understand it, you use different mental and motor processes and skills in each method of getting your thoughts into words on paper (or in a computer file). Of course, when you proofread, you get the reading benefits also: those are yet other brain circuits that improve your understanding and consolidate your thinking processes. And if you participate in a written exchange with another author, then both of you get both helpful benefits.
  
• All these different mental processes add to your own understanding and can contribute importantly to your conclusions and your resolutions toward the changes you want to make in achieving your own happiness and joy. You always want to be exploiting the benefits of as many different kinds of thinking as you can. For me, peace and contentment are important parts of the happiness and joy I am seeking; and it is noticeable to me how it all comes together much more comprehensively only after I have written about it, proofread it, revised it (sometimes extensively), and gained all the benefits I can wring out of the write/read/revise process.
  
• This method of thinking/talking/writing is only one of many approaches, of course. And what will work best for you can be a very worthwhile subject of research and study all by itself. The idea is to learn what resonates with you, retain what works, and leave what doesn't for another time. As you remember that both your quest for happiness AND the methods you use to help you along the way are all dynamic: dynamic in the moment, even. Therefore, as you go along, you are always looking at it in terms of what seems to be helpful today. Later, you will look at it all again in a different light, and from a different perspective, and in a different frame of mind. Then you keep what resonates at that time, and maintain the rest for consideration at some later time.
  
• Ultimately, of course, it is all about the process, and less about the destination that you reached today. And in each case you are always keeping open to new ideas and options, listening to what resonates just now, and always moving forward to greater happiness and joy and peace. That comfort that comes from absorbing what resonates is, itself, a very helpful source of the happiness you are seeking. And maybe it is not about keeping (as opposed to rejecting), but rather about re-shuffling the priorities, moving some ideas up in the list, and moving others down. All the while, your happiness is inching upward, you are feeling happy and content more often, you are understanding it better and better (both the happiness and the processes that improve it). The result is your own tailored process and methods: the ones that resonate and work best for you. And even though ultimate happiness and joy may not be completely achieved in this mortal sphere, you are always getting closer and closer in your quest. Somebody said wisely that seeking happiness is a little like chasing a butterfly that always manages to elude you, but as you pursue it more and more broadly (and always ever so gently), one day it comes and alights on your shoulder, ... at least momentarily. That is an important time to reflect, enjoy and internalize that moment as a significant accomplishment in your quest. And the butterfly is still free to be on its way, perhaps to return another time, in another context. That will bring its own round of enjoyment.
  

• Remember also that your realization of happiness will come in part from its contrast with misery. Ephrat Livni over at Quartz via Pocket posts "Want to Be Happy? Embrace Being Miserable" - It may sound obvious, but lower[ing] your expectations can actually improve your happiness. It sounds like a cop-out; but the notion has merit to consider too. This article "Want to Be Happy? Embrace Being Miserable" is also available directly from Quartz.
    
  
• ...
  

• All these ideas and conceptualizations, each with their constraints and expansions and practical compromises, bring new focus, new understanding and new questions/dilemmas, etc. So the point here is to embrace the dynamic nature of your quest, keep sharpening the saw as needed. And the old clichés "keep on keeping on," and carry on "keeping the main thing the main thing" stand out as good guidelines in most every long term quest. Maybe it is well summarized as "never give up."  Every sip of joy and happiness brings its own reward, however temporary (or lasting) and its own new resonance and insight concerning next steps, new possibilities and no doubt new challenges. Add them all where and when appropriate. And if they turn out significant and you are inclined, please send them to me as potential additions to this page. Thank you.
  

• Here are a few more timeless quotes about happiness.
.
• "Make a gift of your life and lift all mankind by being kind, considerate, forgiving, and compassionate at all times, in all places, and under all conditions, with everyone as well as yourself. This is the greatest gift anyone can give". - David R. Hawkins.
.
• "What other people think of me is none of my business. One of the highest places you can get to is to be independent of the good opinions of other people". - Dr. Wayne W. Dyer.
.
• "Follow your dreams. If you want it, go get it." - Courtney Oliver.
• This astounding girl became a certified vet tech as a 10 year old in 2008.
• Her Pack Profile on Cesar Millan's website; A video and article on her at age 15.  Go get it, girl !!
• See also the video: "Courtney, Realizing a Veterinary Dream" on Veterinary Practice News.
  
• Another is at OG paper. Amazing.
  

• A Moment of Happiness: "It is all a question of weeding out what you yourself like best to do, so that you can live most agreeably in a world full of an increasing number of disagreeable surprises." - M.F.K. Fisher, How to Cook a Wolf.

• And Googling happiness quotes can't hurt: there are zillions. 
  
.
.
.
Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom. 
.
.
.
.

Notes and more detail/options for some of the items above.


 

. . Notes on "Keep busy with lots of productive activities ..."  These activities can be any of the get-up-and-get-going activities of socializing, sports, hiking, volunteering, etc. The individual activities do not matter: that is, there is no evidence that tennis is better at making people happy than is ice skating, for example. What is important is the "something in which to be engaged." It helps us to focus on something beyond our troubles. Of course, when done with others, it brings an important social component; and the exercise component can only help with general health and fitness. Take a walk every day; take your dog. When you can add meaningfulness and purpose, you amplify the effect. . Remember Lincoln's note on getting out and being busy with good works:  “Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.” . Recall also Burns' advice if you just can't get yourself going: "Do you know why virtually any meaningful activity has a decent chance of brightening your mood'? If you do nothing, you will become preoccupied with the flood of negative, destructive thoughts. If you do something, you will be temporarily distracted from that internal dialogue of self-denigration. What is even more important, the sense of mastery you will experience [when you succeed in some ways] will disprove many of the distorted thoughts that slowed you down in the first place." [Chapter 5: Do-Nothingism: How to Beat It, p. 94; my emphasis]. Happiness does not depend entirely on accomplishment, but don't ignore it altogether either; it can often provide a helpful boost. Being effective in your work and in life is a worthwhile pursuit; and to accomplish that (sorry, pun intended), here is an interesting article from Darius Foroux (about): "12 Positive Personality Traits Of Effective People." Darius posts lots of helpful articles. And you can subscribe to his mailing list. . . Notes on "Social interaction provides what is perhaps the most important activity leading to increased happiness ..."  Social interaction, as an activity, shares the "perhaps most important" designation with Optimism as an attitude or mindset. These two happiness assets are often seen to contribute more to increased happiness than do other attitudes and/or activities. Thus, they are listed together at the top of many lists of ways to increase happiness. Having a rewarding love-relationship can be an important part of social interaction, of course. It is the number 1 happiness asset for most everyone according to many researchers. As such, it may be well worth the effort to find, or (if you already have it) to enhance and preserve. Search for "skills for success" and select those not typically taught in school. Focus energy and effort to learn and apply these skills. The time will be well spent, it will help focus your thoughts on something engaging, and the results will pay off many times over as you live out your future life, ... all with enhanced happiness and joy. Google this: "skills for success not taught in school" without the quotation marks. You'll see dozens and dozens of helpful suggestions. An 80-Year Harvard Study Says [Good Relationships] Will Make You Happier and Healthier. Author Justin Bariso quotes Robert Waldinger, a psychiatrist and currently direct[or of] the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the most comprehensive studies of emotional well-being in history. Waldinger says flatly: "Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period. It was how satisfied [the study participants] were in their relationships. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80. Good relationships don't just protect our bodies; they protect our brains, ..." Waldinger continued. The article has lots of links to backup material, too. Well worth the reading time. For those who are faith inspired, have perhaps been raised to avoid these topics growing up, and are looking for reliable information about lovemaking that is consistent with Christian religious thought, an active Latter-day Saint couple has writen a tasteful and frank discussion that is very helpful and long overdue: "And It Was Very Good: A Latter-day Saint’s Guide to Lovemaking." Social interaction can't always just be increased to improve happiness, of course. Like everything else, it needs to be managed. Thrive Global (about) has posted The Problem With the Word “Yes” - When we're so quick to take on new tasks and responsibilities [and even new. and usually helpful, social interactivity], we don't realize what we give up in the process. Author, Dr. Pedram Shojai cites a good example: For example, your friends call you up and say, “Let’s go for a drink.” You impulsively say, “Yes. Okay, great; let’s do this!” You had plans to go to the gym, eat a healthy dinner, and get home to your family. You need to help your son with a project, and it’s due next week. But now you’ve taken down a few drinks, eaten chicken wings and chips, drunk a few more drinks, skipped the workout, and gotten home after [your son] went to bed. That one yes killed three previous yeses. Namely:     ..Yes to a healthy fitness routine that would boost your energy, clear your head, and make you feel happy in life;     ..Yes to a healthy dinner that would nourish a robust microbiome, reduce inflammation, feed your cells, hydrate your body, and energize your life; and     ..Yes to your family that needs you to be a great partner, parent, role model, friend, and positive example of someone who makes [and follows through with] the right choices. Is that one impulsive yes worth backing out of the three yeses you had already committed to? Seldom is that answer “Yes.”   Over 2,000 years ago Confucius (Wiki) taught about "personal and governmental morality, correctness of social relationships, justice and sincerity." A post by The Power of Ideas blog, "9 Powerful Lessons From Confucius That Will Change the Way You Look at Life" provides a short list of very helpful ways to think about life that have strong potential to help you in your quest for greater happiness, fulfillment and joy. Where social interaction is available, and especially when people find it comfortable and rewarding, then when one knows how important it can be, this can be a very enjoyable way to create a happy mood at the moment, and to increase one's general level of happiness over the longer term. Dr. Michael Fordyce (above) in his 13th Fundamental "Close Relationships are #1" makes the following observations: Appreciate and maintain your close friends, your family members, and your most intimates -- for these are your main source of happiness! If you are fortunate to have such ties, do whatever you can do to develop, to maintain, to repair, or to sustain your relationship with them. More than money, more than success, more than fame or popularity -- time invested in enhancing your closest ties will reap, by far, the greatest happiness rewards life affords, according to the bulk of happiness research. Love is, indeed, the most potent happiness factor of all! The research is abundantly clear: a person who has loving, close social and familial ties in their life, has the greatest happiness gift life can provide! Of all the factors researchers have studied, this one factor appears to be confirmed as a universal certainty!  Engage in, pursue and cultivate the relationships that help you in your happiness quest; allow others to decline and fade. Julie Beck has posted on The Atlantic magazine website, "How Friendships Change in Adulthood." It provides excellent information about the desirability of keeping, maintaining (and resuscitating if needed) friendships you have cultivated in earlier, perhaps happier times. They can help you maintain balance, and improve not just your outlook, but your general mental health, and even your physical health, especially during stressful or depressing times. Social interaction is also a great activity in which to practice the Eighth Fundamental of Dr. Fordyce, "Present-Orientation." By itself, the latter is an aid to achieving greater happiness; and practicing it during social interactivity can magnify the effect of both. One of the difficulties of some unhappy people, of course, is that social interaction is neither comfortable nor rewarding. They often feel that they make more enemies than friends with their efforts to interact socially. They often withdraw and isolate themselves socially as a result. In these cases, one can just focus more on other methods, particularly optimism and positive thinking (see note below) which are also very important happiness assets (and can be pursued even if one is completely alone). Happily (sorry, pun intended), once some higher level of general happiness is gained, many of these people will find that their social skills will also improve, leaving them free to pursue increased social interaction, perhaps starting with some of the more cautious approaches. Even small and casual investments in low-stakes relationships can be very helpful. Thrive Global [about--notes from Arianna Huffington] has posted "Smiling at Strangers Can Make You Happier, According to Science: Research shows there’s power in a meaningful connection—even if it’s a quick “good morning” to your local barista. The author cites others who "[call] these low-stakes relationships ‘weak ties,’" ... “[They] can have a positive impact on our well-being by helping us feel more connected to other social groups … and empower us to be more empathetic. We’re likely to feel less lonely, too.” Some people will scoff, or course, and claim it is not really socializing; but if you are very shy, you can do some on-line socializing, at least to get started. Check out some of the social networking websites, adopt a persona, or simply be yourself, and see what happens. Be cautious about what you post on the Internet, of course (in any case, you should post only information that you would be comfortable if anybody saw it--see our notes on the lengthy lifetimes and potential wide distribution--and especially privacy issues--concerning Internet posts of all sorts). An article entitled "What Technology Can’t Change About Happiness" - mentions that as pills and gadgets proliferate, what matters is still social connection. Adam Piore, the author, starts by pointing out that the increased connections available through electronic technologies are no substitute for face-to-face (or even voice over the telephone) conversations and other human interactivity. Toward the end of the article, however, he brings a broader perspective that we all use lots of technologies in our interactions with others, even pointing out that social networking allows us to keep track of old friends like never before, increasing both our connectedness and our interactivity, all often for the better in terms of our well-being and happiness. Social interaction and close relationships are strong happiness assets; and a rewarding love relationship (when it is good) is the strongest happiness asset. However, as Dr. Michael Fordyce (above) also points out in his 13th Fundamental "Close Relationships are #1," one's personal mental health (the balance and self-sufficiency they bring to a relationship in the first instance--see his 9th Fundamental "Work On a Healthy Personality") is the principal predictor of relationship success, overall. The point here is that working on one's own self-sufficiency and balanced mental health first, and then seeking a rewarding love relationship may be a better approach than beginning with a quest for a rewarding love relationship. . Social interaction can be compromised by current technology when we rely on social media at the expense of actual face-to-face interaction. Arianna Huffington at Thrive Global posts "2019 Is the Year to Go Beyond Awareness and Actually Take Charge of Our Relationship With Technology." Her subtitle is "What we’ve discovered is that technology might be great at delivering what we want in the moment, but it’s less great at giving us what we need over the long term." She emphasises "Yes, we all love our devices and all the amazing things they allow us to do. But at the same time, our technology has accelerated our lives beyond our capacity to keep up. We all feel it, and it’s getting worse. It turns out, we’re being controlled by something we should be controlling. And it’s consuming our attention and crippling our ability to focus, think, be present, and, most important, to truly connect, both with others and with ourselves." Back in the day, Dale Carnegie wrote an all-time best seller, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (Wiki entry; basic summary; excerpts) that lists all the ways that common sense and many other authors have articulated. But He does it with such charm and grace that the book is now celebrating 70+ years in print, and 15+ million in sales. This book is a good read, very uplifting by itself, and also, of course, very helpful in improving social relationships of all sorts (and with a large variety of really good examples). Below are some of the main points ("in a nutshell," as he says) from "How to Win Friends and Influence People." . FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE  --  p 50. . PRINCIPLE 1 - Don't criticize, condemn or complain. PRINCIPLE 2 - Give honest and sincere appreciation. PRINCIPLE 3 - Arouse in the other person an eager want. . . SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU  --  p. 112. . PRINCIPLE 1 - Become genuinely interested in other people. PRINCIPLE 2 - Smile. PRINCIPLE 3 - Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. PRINCIPLE 4 - Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. PRINCIPLE 5 - Talk in terms of the other person's interests. PRINCIPLE 6 - Make the other person feel important--and do it sincerely. . . WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING  --  p. 200. . PRINCIPLE  1 - The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. PRINCIPLE  2 - Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong." PRINCIPLE  3 - If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. PRINCIPLE  4 - Begin in a friendly way. PRINCIPLE  5 - Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately. PRINCIPLE  6 - Let the other person do a great deal of the talking. PRINCIPLE  7 - Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers. PRINCIPLE  8 - Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view. PRINCIPLE  9 - Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires. PRINCIPLE 10 - Appeal to the nobler motives. PRINCIPLE 11 - Dramatize your ideas. PRINCIPLE 12 - Throw down a challenge. . . BE A LEADER  --  p. 248. . A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior.  Some suggestions to accomplish this: . PRINCIPLE 1 - Begin with praise and honest appreciation. PRINCIPLE 2 - Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly. PRINCIPLE 3 - Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. PRINCIPLE 4 - Ask questions instead of giving direct orders. PRINCIPLE 5 - Let the other person save face. PRINCIPLE 6 - Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise." PRINCIPLE 7 - Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. PRINCIPLE 8 - Use encouragement. Make any fault seem easy to correct. PRINCIPLE 9 - Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest. Friends and Family, Forgiveness, Giving back and Gratitude are at the core of lasting happiness according to Dr. Sanjiv Chopra, a professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School. See his article "Harvard professor says ‘winning a $20 million lottery won’t make you happier in life’—but these 4 things will." . . Notes on "Focus on the here and now ..." This may seem trivial in its importance initially; but it is central to finding enduring happiness from within, and for letting go of unhelpful worries/fears/regrets/past hurts/recriminations/low self-image and other baggage. Worries about the future and guilt about the past only serve to hijack your attention away from the present (the only time and place where you can do anything, including feeling happy). The Mindful organization (about) posts "The Secrets to Wiring a Happier Brain" dealing with ways to bring engagement and fulfillment to your everyday activities, and then making it a regular habit. Doing and thinking mindfully is very helpful to your happiness pursuits. They post other helpful articles, too (look for "top stories" on their entry page). This Is How To Kill Bad Habits With Mindfulness identifies 4 helpful steps: Recognize, Accept, Investigate and Note (RAIN). "By really watching what you do, noticing how you feel, you can start to realize the bad habit isn’t helping fix the problem. You don’t really feel any better. And that realization is key. That’s what will break the cycle." . Eckhart Tolle says (in The Power of NOW: a guide to spiritual enlightenment [chapter 3, Moving Deeply Into the Now, page 55; Book Review]: "Be present as the watcher of your mind--of your thoughts and emotions as well as your reactions in various situations. Be at least as interested in your reactions as in the situation or person that causes you to react. Notice also how often your attention is in the past or future. Do not judge or analyze what you observe. Watch the thought, feel the emotion, observe the reaction. Do not make a personal problem out of them. You will then feel something more powerful than any of those things that you observe: [enjoying] the still, observing presence itself behind the content of your mind, the silent watcher." . The above reviewer points out that "This is one of the many ways in which.Eckhart Tolle’s teaching is so radically different from other spiritual traditions. He seems to imply that enlightenment is already the case, and that we only need to stop and be silent for this dimension to be revealed to us. Furthermore, Eckhart Tolle maintains that enlightenment is the only truly natural way to live one’s life; it is only through a radical transformation of human consciousness that humanity can hope to live in peace and harmony." The core of this transformation is to focus much more on the here and now, using the past and future only as reference points, when needed; but dwell in the present. . Eckhart Tolle has also written A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose [Author's comments], which I found quite a bit more readable than The Power of NOW. In A New Earth, Tolle speaks eloquently (and to me, much more clearly) concerning the role of the ego in strengthening the false self, and how to dissolve its effects simply by being the watcher of your mind (see immediately above). Taking these steps is essential to obtaining that inner happiness which we are all seeking, and is within each of us, waiting to be allowed to manifest itself. . On happiness, Tolle says (A New Earth, chapter 4 - Role-playing: the Many Faces of the Ego, p. 96), . Don't seek happiness. If you seek it, you won't find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness. Happiness is ever elusive, but freedom from unhappiness is attainable now, by facing what "is" rather than making up stories about it.  . Unhappiness covers up your natural state of well-being and inner peace, the source of true happiness. . In his comments on writing A New Earth {scroll down past the photo of the book, etc., to "The One Thing" heading}, Tolle notes that "the terminology used needs to be as neutral as possible so that it transcends the confines of any one culture, religion, or spiritual tradition." In my view, he substantially accomplishes that goal. Well done; and very helpful. . . . Many happiness seekers also find meditation helpful for focusing on the here and now. . Thoughts lead to feelings. Control thoughts by changing to better thoughts; better feelings will result. Rhonda Byrne, in The Secret, says: "Make a list of some Secret Shifters to have up your sleeve. By Secret Shifters, I mean things that can change your feelings in a snap. It might be beautiful memories, future events, funny moments, nature, a person you love, your favorite music. Then if you find yourself angry or frustrated or not feeling good, turn to your Secret Shifters list and focus on one of them. Different things will shift you at different times, so if one doesn't work, go to another. It only takes a minute or two of changing focus ... ." When you feel better, re-focus on the here and now. She quotes Bob Proctor on the subject: "When you're feeling down, did you know that you can change it in an instant? Put on a beautiful piece of music, or start singing--that'll change your emotion. Or think of something beautiful. Think of a baby or somebody that you truly love, and dwell on it. Really keep that thought in your mind. Block everything out but that thought. I guarantee you'll start to feel good." . Try some of the "8 Ways to Return to the Present Moment" from the Positivity Blog (see Related item below): 1. Focus on what’s right in front of you. 2. Focus on your breathing. 3. Focus on your inner body. 4. Pick up the vibe from present people. 5. Surrender to the emotion that is already there. 6. See things as for the first time. 7. Punch your leg. 8. Have a drink or two. [... OJ, of course!] . For a concrete and testable example that "what you think is what you get," see the Cesar Millan "Dog Whisperer" example in Related Resources below. Keep in mind the sage advice of Adam Smith: "Through the whole of his life he pursues the idea of a certain artificial and elegant repose which he may never arrive at, for which he sacrifices a real tranquility that is at all times in his power, and which, if in the extremity of old age he should at last attain to it, he will find to be in no respect preferable to that humble security and contentment which he had abandoned for it." See also How To Stop Replaying Old Arguments in your mind. Its on the Positivity Blog, in the Related Resources, below. Do your chores with mindfulness (be fully present, engaged, feeling the sensations, and focused on doing them right), and you will be very pleasantly surprised that they become much less burdensome, even pleasant. And you will find yourself feeling a good deal better too. Here are some examples. Mindfulness in Everyday Tasks: 5 Ways Chores Can Make You Happier. 4 Household Chores That Can Make You More Mindful. Mindfulness Meditation for Cleaning. "Paying attention to one’s mind, body, feelings and mental content can do wonders for the inner state. Best of all, meditating [and practicing mindfulness] is not relegated to a specific pose, or time of day — it can be done anywhere at anytime, even while pushing a vacuum." The Marc and Angel Hack Life (about) website posts One Hard Thing Mentally Strong People Do When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned. They are referring to the practice of setting aside expectations in order to experience a new or changed approach with fresh eyes or a fresh state of mind. Their opening example invites you to "Imagine you had a ripe, juicy tangerine sitting on the table in front of you. You pick it up eagerly, take a bite and begin to taste it. You already know how a ripe, juicy tangerine should taste, and so when this one is a bit tarter than expected, you make a face, feel a sense of disappointment and swallow it, feeling cheated out of the experience you expected. Or perhaps the tangerine tastes completely normal—nothing special at all. So, you swallow it without even pausing to appreciate its [delightful] flavor, as you move on to the next unworthy bite, and the next. In the first scenario, the tangerine let you down because it didn’t meet your expectations. In the second, it was too plain because it met your expectations to a T." In both cases you lose a significant boost to your mood: you are disappointed because it was too tart, or you are indifferent because it tasted the way you expected. Conversely, by setting aside your expectations you can gain the boost of tasting a delightful tangerine just as it IS and instead have a very enjoyable experience either way. Their point is that you immediately feel better about that little experience merely by being present in the moment (without expectations); and you can apply that to life generally to feel better overall most of the time instead of being disappointed or indifferent. This article is worth the read; and the idea is worth considering for life's broader experiences more generally. Just be present in the moment for an enhanced mood of greater joy and happiness. It is a simple, easy, low-cost trial for a full-time better outlook in everything you do and think about.  In a very similar vein, Psychology Today posts "Finding Happiness When Life Doesn’t Turn Out as You Planned," by Dr. Juliana Breines, a social and health psychologist whose research examines how self-compassion relates to stress reactivity, behavior change, and body image. "It [the happiness] might be where you least expect it," she says in the subtitle. Here are some quotations from the article: "The loss of an imagined future can involve a grieving process worthy of being taken seriously." "Savoring positive experiences can help people find more joy in life, especially in challenging times." "Recent studies show that people who think of their lives as journeys through adversity may experience a greater sense of meaning and purpose." "The following [headings, each with expanded ideas] are four strategies that can help us embrace a different life than the one we planned." "1. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the life you wanted." "2. Avoid idealizing other people’s lives." "3. Savor the good things." And ... "4. Re-imagine what a fulfilling life looks like." The World's Happiest Man? - Matthieu Ricard (Wiki), a 69 year-old Tibetan monk (in 2016), formerly a microbiologist at the Pasteur Institute in France, has recorded a TED talk you can listen to; and it has a transcript which you can use to follow along if (like me) reading while listening helps you understand. He talks of mind training (often characterized as meditation by some) that, at its essence, will "... determine the quality of every instant of our lives." Here are some quotes from the transcript. For those seeking happiness, this man's findings may be a very important input. "... there is a possibility for change because all emotions are fleeting. That is the ground for mind training. Mind training is based on the idea that two opposite mental factors cannot happen at the same time. You could go from love to hate. But you cannot, at the same time, toward the same object, the same person, want to harm and want to do good. You cannot, in the same gesture, shake hand and give a blow. So, there are natural antidotes to emotions that are destructive to our inner well-being. So that's the way to proceed. Rejoicing compared to jealousy. A kind of sense of inner freedom as opposite to intense grasping and obsession. Benevolence, loving kindness against hatred." And "... if you look at the thought of anger, it will vanish like frost under the morning sun. If you do this again and again, the propensity, the tendencies for anger to arise again will be less and less each time you dissolve it. And, at the end, although it may rise, it will just cross the mind, like a bird crossing the sky without leaving any track. So this is the principal of mind training." And "... mind training matters. That this is not just a luxury. This is not a supplementary vitamin for the soul. This is something that's going to determine the quality of every instant of our lives." Here are "3 Signs You Will Be Fine (Even If You Don’t Feel Fine Right Now)" to help you focus on the here and now, and avoid being a prisoner of the past (past failure, past unfair treatment, past misfortune, etc.) Things change. When they are bad, they get better in a while. Every time it rains, it stops raining. "People all over the world are constantly telling their one heartbreaking story, about how their entire life has turned into an exercise in coping with one particular unfair event from the past.  Every present opportunity they have is then burned at the stake to fuel a fiery obsession with something that can’t be changed. The key is to realize that YOU don’t have to be one of these people." John Parrott (about) posts The Art Of Mindfulness: Why Mindfulness Matters with lots of tips on the why and how of just paying attention to the present moment for relaxation. Good stuff. The National Science Foundation has posted "New and diverse experiences linked to enhanced happiness, new study shows." This short article points out how focusing on the here and now, especially in new, or even in creating slightly-varied experiences can increase feelings of happiness and joy.   . Notes on "Make and Practice a Stress-free Morning Routine ..." .... The things you do and think about first thing when you wake up will set the tone for the day in ways you might not have predicted accurately. Focus on stress-free activities and thoughts, ... all before you even peek at your phone, tablet, laptop or TV. It puts you in a pro-active rather than reactive mode. Those who are faith-inspired will recognize this advice that spiritual advisers have been suggesting for centuries: morning prayer,  meditation and scripture study where all of the emphasis is on the long term and important stuff as opposed to the shorter term, immediate and sometimes seemingly very urgent stuff of the moment. But the faith component is unimportant to the outcome: it is all about the first things you focus on, and their deliberately-chosen stress-free nature. Try including listing three things you are thankful for, do some mild stretching or exercising, listen to favorite music (or sing it yourself), meditate over a sunrise, smile at yourself in the mirror. All of these morning rituals are personal things that will vary for each individual. It will be very much worth your while to select elements of a morning routine that you find work well for you, ... maybe just for you, ... and change them up when needed for continuing effectiveness and satisfaction. Here are some quick suggested articles for starters, ... or just google "morning rituals" for a current list. There are many available. 11 Morning Rituals That Can Change Your Life  --  "Your morning can be that make-or-break time that sets you up for a good day or a bad day. Here are 11 habits you can establish that will put you on the path of stringing together good day after good day." 5 Morning Rituals to Keep You Productive All Day Long  --  Exercise for 7 minutes, start green, pick three wins for the day, ... Do You Have A Morning Ritual?  --  "A morning ritual is entirely about you. Sure, you’ll have to deal with other people at some point in your morning. If you’re lucky, you’ll get at least a few minutes of time just for you. This is your chance to center yourself and embrace your day instead of fleeing before it." 7 Morning Rituals That Will Change Your Life  --  "What began as a way to get some extra time and maybe feel a little more balanced quickly turned into one of the single best decisions of my life. ... my new schedule, ... made me feel great. I felt more alert during the day, my mind felt clearer and more at ease, and the quality of the time I got to myself was much greater." Also: "I learned that what you do when you first wake up in the morning is a firm indicator of not only the quality of the day you’re going to have, but by extension, the quality of your entire life. Committing to a few positive morning rituals each day can absolutely change your life in just about every way imaginable." Sean Kim's "Complete Guide to Designing Your Morning Routines to Double Your Productivity" contains several examples of what some individuals do in the morning that help get them ready for a more proactive and productive day. Marc Chernoff posts "31 Morning Journaling Prompts that Will Change the Way You Think," which contains lots of good ideas about reading and writing for just 10 minutes in the morning, complete with 31 concise examples which will surely get you started if this idea appeals to your inner Journal keeper. You might be surprised to learn how effective writing is in focusing your thinking processes. The Barking Up The Wrong Tree blog (about) posts The 7 Step Morning Ritual That Will Make You Happy All Day. "We read a lot about this or that morning ritual that will make you productive. But what about one that makes you happy? Research shows that being happy actually makes you more productive. So let’s kill two birds with one stone and focus on smiles. What’s the first step? Here’s a little secret: happy mornings don’t start in the morning …" Barking ... also posts This Is The Best Way To Motivate Yourself To Exercise: 4 Proven Secrets, which has a section dealing with how exercise habits positively affect happiness and freedom from depression. "Exercise is as effective in treating depression as antidepressants. And if that ain’t enough, people who exercised had a lower relapse rate than those taking meds. ... After four months, all three groups experienced similar improvements in happiness. The very fact that exercise proved just as helpful as anti-depressants is remarkable, but the story doesn’t end here. The groups were then tested six months later to assess their relapse rate. Of those who had taken the medication alone, 38 percent had slipped back into depression. Those in the combination group were doing only slightly better, with a 31 percent relapse rate. The biggest shock, though, came from the exercise group: Their relapse rate was only 9 percent!" The One Thing Shark Tank’s Daymond John Does Every Morning to Reduce Stress, ... He's taken charge of his relationship with technology. (Spoiler alert: it is something he DOESN'T do that is important. He stays off social media and email to start his day). And do the same thing for an evening routine (a good morning starts the night before). Here are some example articles; or just google "evening rituals" for a current list. "Cultivate the Perfect Evening Routine to Avoid Insomnia and Fall Asleep Easier," from the LifeHacker blog (about). "10 Bedtime Rituals That Can Change Your Life," from bembu (about). "7 Evening Rituals To Have A Stress-Free Night, Every Night," from MindBodyGreen (about). "6 Evening Rituals of Highly Successful People," from Ivy Exec.   Suzie Glassman posts "7 Ways Walking In the Morning Can Improve Your Well-being." "Research tells us the daily ritual can boost our physical and mental health," she says. . . Notes on "Practice regular meditation, ..." ... There are many forms of meditation. In its simplest form, we find a quiet place, sit comfortably and close our eyes. We focus on reciting some mantra such as "the bubbling brook runs onward," or simply pay attention to our breathing. Anything peaceful will do. The focus item itself is unimportant; the idea here is to have something to focus on, and to come back to as other thoughts melt away. When these other thoughts come, we neither resist them nor encourage them. We just take note of them, and let them fade. Momentary focus on our mantra or our breathing help in stilling our minds. The idea is for your conscious mind to be focusing on itself (or its own agenda) or on some inner sources. As the activities of the world around us fade, and this consciousness of self ascends, inner peace, joy and happiness come to the fore. Everyone experiences something different. But virtually all report greater peace and serenity, lowered stress levels, etc., both during their meditation sessions and afterward. Find a method that suits you; and make it a regular part of your daily routine. Marci Shimoff (above) says that meditation, more than any other single practice brought inner happiness and joy into her life. Many Internet-based and other sources for beginners are freely available. Just Google "meditation for beginners" or "meditation for dummies" and include the quotation marks in both cases. There are some tens of thousands of websites with these contents. Wiley's {they sell books, of course} post well-written pages "Discovering What Meditation Is All About," "Figuring Out How to Breathe Meditatively" and "Making Meditation a Part of Your Life" that will give you some starting ideas. All these are adapted from their book, Meditation For Dummies, and are freely available on the Internet without buying anything.  "An Overview of Loving-kindness Meditation" is posted at Buddhanet.net with other helpful information and suggestions.  Tom Crumb posts "The Art of Meditation" which provides a helpful introduction for busy westerners. He says that meditation "is achieving a place of deep connection and tranquility, where you are accessing a field of intelligence that is far greater than that derived from the ego or intellect." The Dumb Little Man [Tips For Life] blog posts Meditation Techniques for the Busy or Impatient that gives the boot to notions that special positions, equipment, or circumstances are required. Lots of good hints here. Meditation requires no resources, no company, no equipment, and your eyes don't even have to be open or focused. You can learn to do it anytime, anywhere to bring peace and serenity into your consciousness. Use it in the line-up at the bank: change from stress, frustration and impatience to calm, quiet tranquility. Tolle points out that the momentary focus on your breathing, for example, and doing it many times a day is far more important than how long you do it at a sitting. A few seconds often every day will do it, he says [A New Earth, pp. 243-46]. Over the long run, you will adjust the length of each session automatically to your own individual best duration. For the spiritually inclined, he points out the spiritual component of the breath by quoting from Genesis 2:7 - "And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul." He also points out that "breathing" in Sanskrit and German have their origins in "the indwelling divine spirit" or "God within." That resonated with my own Christian beliefs. As Drs. Aggie Casey and Herbert Benson put it in Mind Your Heart: A Mind/Body Approach To Stress Management, Exercise And Nutrition For Heart Health, “your mind quiets and negative thoughts fade as you focus on your body,” or your breathing; and “if you quiet the body, you can calm the mind.” The World's Happiest Man? - Matthieu Ricard (Wiki), a 69 year-old Tibetan monk (in 2016), formerly a microbiologist at the Pasteur Institute in France, has posted a very helpful introductory article "Beginning Meditation;" and he has recorded a TED talk you can listen to; and it has a transcript which you can use to follow along if (like me) reading while listening helps you understand. He talks of mind training (often characterized as meditation by some) that, at its essence, will "... determine the quality of every instant of our lives." Here are some quotes from the transcript. For those seeking happiness, this man's findings may be a very important input. "... there is a possibility for change because all emotions are fleeting. That is the ground for mind training. Mind training is based on the idea that two opposite mental factors cannot happen at the same time. You could go from love to hate. But you cannot, at the same time, toward the same object, the same person, want to harm and want to do good. You cannot, in the same gesture, shake hand and give a blow. So, there are natural antidotes to emotions that are destructive to our inner well-being. So that's the way to proceed. Rejoicing compared to jealousy. A kind of sense of inner freedom as opposite to intense grasping and obsession. Benevolence, loving kindness against hatred." And "... if you look at the thought of anger, it will vanish like frost under the morning sun. If you do this again and again, the propensity, the tendencies for anger to arise again will be less and less each time you dissolve it. And, at the end, although it may rise, it will just cross the mind, like a bird crossing the sky without leaving any track. So this is the principal of mind training." And "... mind training matters. That this is not just a luxury. This is not a supplementary vitamin for the soul. This is something that's going to determine the quality of every instant of our lives." . . Notes on "Do things when they need to be done - avoid procrastination ..." The stress and anxiety you develop as the due date hangs over your head can displace your happiness. Shanel Yang's excellent piece, "Get a Handle on Procrastination" is very helpful in understanding procrastination. Shanel gives her experience in overcoming it in five steps. Shanel also recommends Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy (a book that gives 21 tips to stop procrastinating). Shanel's conclusion to "Get a Handle on Procrastination" is exceptionally good: "Imagine you’ve done all your big projects early, you have plenty of time to get the rest done without rushing, and you enjoy all your free time 100% guilt-free! I can tell you that feeling is totally addictive. You’ll crave as much as you can get as soon as you’ve had a taste of it." Very motivating. Many researchers speak of the ill effects of procrastination on happiness. Perfectionism is also a part of it for some people. See note on perfectionism, immediately below. Procrastination can become a habit that makes it much easier to put things off the next time. Soon, you become a procrastinator. It will take effort, but the investment in breaking this cycle will pay off over and over again throughout your lifetime. . . Notes on "Regulate your appetites and passions (and even your perfectionism)." ... Some people suffer from perfectionism and do not know it. They have high standards; but they do not have sufficient exposure to the situations of others to recognize the perfectionism in their high standards. High standards are often a very good idea; sometimes they are essential. But if they are unrealistic, unattainable or unnecessary, they serve only to keep these people from enjoying the fulfilling satisfaction of doing something very well, or of delivering an excellent result in the grand scheme of things (and when compared to what many others accomplish). By acknowledging their perfectionism, they can regain the satisfaction of a job well done, and temper their rigid and over-idealized goals, sometimes without even taming the perfectionism by much. When perfection is the only goal sought after, anything less is often then viewed as failure. The silver medal winner is the second best at something in the whole world. How can that realistically (or profitably) be viewed as failure? This perfectionism is something to watch for. Sometimes it can just creep into your thinking without your noticing it. As mentioned above, a very interesting article deals with making a habit of broadening your outlook, which can lead to MUCH greater advancement in gaining happiness, well-being and success. "The 2 Mental Shifts Highly Successful People Make" will give you some insights. He quotes Stephen R. Covey in several places, and a number of other good sources. This idea has the potential to change your life in important ways, not just increased happiness. The author makes an interesting assertion about persons who have enjoyed early success: "They become perfectionist and paralyzed. They fear their best work is behind them." If you reflect on it, do you see perfectionism creeping into your thinking as you battle through some of your adversities, especially the ones that seem to be keeping you from attaining the happiness and joy you seek? The mental shifts in this article may be helpful in dealing with your creeping perfectionism, and help you with the happiness you seek.    Another very helpful article from Thrive (about) entitled "The Hidden Cost of Perfectionism at Work," provides some strong insights. Here are a few quotes: "In the 1940s and 50s, Maria Callas became one of classical music’s best-selling vocalists and today is still considered by many to be the greatest operatic soprano of all time. Yet this diva’s career became an example of how striving for perfection can eat away at excellence. Callas developed a “perfectionism that grew ever more fierce,” reported the Washington Post. The soprano pushed herself to be flawless at the expense of her health and relationships, at work and outside, and her physical and mental health began suffering. Callas’s expectations of perfection weighed so heavily that she eventually had a hard time singing, leading her to put strain on herself and everyone around her. In recapping her career, she said, “I never lost my voice, but . . . I lost my courage.”" A research team "analyzed data from more than forty thousand college students, showing that the majority had significantly higher scores than previous generations on measures of: irrational personal desire to never fail; perceiving excessive expectations from others; and placing unrealistic standards on those around them." "There is plenty of research to suggest that social media is contributing to this rising fear of failure, pressuring young adults especially to compare their own work achievements to their peers’. We see this with students who worry about achieving high marks, where motivation is driven by fears of negative outcomes." "... a few methods we’ve found in our leadership coaching practice that are helpful in leading those with perfectionist tendencies." "Method 1: Clarify What Good Enough Is--We know that most managers have no desire to handhold their people, and they rightfully worry about micromanaging, but with employees who tend toward perfectionism it’s important to guide them clearly through the standards they are looking for." "Method 2: Be Open About Your Own Missteps" "Method 3: Treat Failures as Learning Opportunities--"Let’s have a productive discussion [without blaming or finger-pointing] about how we go forward to learn and get better.” What followed was an hour spent brainstorming about potential investments that could help them learn from the setback." "Method 4: Regularly Check in on Progress" There is another component here, too: be content with what you have (or can get). Don't be cynical or sarcastic about it. Rather, look for the good (even the delightful) in what is present or achievable, rather than what is missing or impossible for you to achieve. Then, be thankful for it, enjoy it and derive happiness from it. The happiness benefit comes only from how you look at it. There is no work or effort about it at all. See also the 6th Fundamental of Fordyce and an article by Gretchen Rubin (notes, above), Lower The Bar (both of which contain comments on the pitfalls of goal-based happiness). Both acknowledge that it is controversial; yet both offer some very compelling evidence from their research and that of others. Don't let your expectations for the future get in the way of enjoying life for what it is just now. Just think of it as "clearing away hurdles."  And don't bypass happiness that does derive from accomplishment either. It can be significant. The thing to avoid here is depending on your expectations concerning the future to deliver happiness. It can backfire more often than it delivers. The regulation of appetites and passions is part of the wider dictum of the ages: "live a life of virtue." The ancients were right when they emphasized honor, kindness, virtue, right living, honesty, goodwill, temperance, prudence, etc. If you are living a pretense or saying one thing while doing another, happiness will elude you no matter what practices and techniques you bring to your endeavor. As Einstein reportedly observed, "The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." Be sure to also consider this bigger picture in your quest for greater peace and happiness. Ensure that you are cultivating your seeds of technique and practice in the soil and sunshine of right living. The Buddhists teach it as the Noble Eightfold Path (right understanding, right thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration). And Covey teaches similar prerequisite underlying principles (fairness, integrity, honesty, human dignity) for success in life, in business and in personal happiness. Take a peek at Gretchen Rubin's (see notes, above) short article "Why and How I Quit Sugar." There are lots of reasons to quit or reduce the amounts of sugar we eat. This is an abbreviated description of what worked for her, recognizing that there is not a one-size-fits-all solution that works for everybody, or even that has the same benefits for everybody. But she feels better and happier having decided to quit sugar altogether, and gives hints on ways to approach diet and other changes for people with other tendencies. It is a thought-provoking piece that will be helpful for some people, maybe you. For a tonne more articles on how sugar consumption can be related to happiness in different ways for different people, just Google "sugar and happiness" (without the quotes). Perhaps there is something there that will work wonders for you in your quest for greater happiness and joy.    The TED podcast and transcript "Breaking Up with [your] Perfectionism" provides helpful ideas in learning about your perfectionism, identifying it, and curbing its adverse effects. Focusing on making headway to an attainable standard, using your mistakes and failures as focal points for learning and advancing can be more helpful than aiming for unattainable perfection, especially in sporting and other endeavors where measurement has a scale containing "perfection" as the end point. . . Notes on "Be thankful and grateful for, and content with what you have." ... When you are thinking "I feel so angry I can't think of a single thing to be thankful for" or "My life is a cesspool" find some glimmer of brightness somewhere in the day. For example ... the sun shone,  somebody smiled,  it didn't snow (or it didn't snow that much),  the bus did not run over me at the stop,  I was able to sit erect for breakfast,  modern medical technology is wonderful,  watching a waterfall is so restful,  the birds are singing outside my window; I can sing too, the cedar forest smells so good, especially after the rain, I am free to choose what I think about,  my youngster looks so peaceful when he's asleep,  that baby kitten is so cute, ... ... I learned to read and write, I can appreciate a large range of items of beauty: sunrises, meadows, gardens, a puppy, ... ... my bed is comfortable, that class of kindergartners on a field trip is so full of energy, enthusiasm and adventure, indoor plumbing is such a great convenience, watching a baby's first steps brings such joy, my immune system takes care of lots of risks and discomforts all by itself, The list is endless. Write them down. Review and add to them sometimes. . You will be surprised that when you find a single thing that was positive or helpful (especially if you write it down), your brain will start to think of others much more easily. And some will be humorous, which itself will help. Soon you will fill the page. Do this especially just before bed time. This allows you to go to sleep on a more positive note. Note also that pleasant experiences need a little nudge to set them into our memories as effectively as the hurtful experiences seem to set themselves naturally. See the note on dwelling on pleasant experiences below, under the Optimism notes. . This "attitude of gratitude" can become infectious. You may find yourself wanting to get into that "counting my blessings" frame of mind. Not only does it make you feel better at the moment, but it is also healing you and helping you along the road to more frequent and longer-lasting happiness. Here are a very few example blessings you may want to think about (in case you need help getting started): family, music, sunrises, sunsets, rain, health, medicine (medical technology, know-how), food, TV, personal computers, tablets, smart phones, indoor plumbing, transportation, central heat, the Internet, reading/writing/arithmetic (public education and personal learning), democracy, freedom, freedom to think/act/believe, microwave ovens, telephones, warm house/clothes/bed, photography, roads/sidewalks, tools and knowing how to use them, pets and other animals, soil and growing things, national defense and police forces, employment, voluntary service, having a choice about what to eat for dinner, seeing, hearing, touching, laughing, walking, ... ...  . In these practices (forgiveness, goodwill and loving kindness, as with many of the others) you are not changing any of the reality you are facing, you are just changing your focus. Some people are simply not able to have any pleasant thoughts about some events or people. The suggestion here is to focus these concepts and practices first toward yourself, then on members of your family and close friends. With these groups you will often be more successful. Then, as you feel better, focus on acquaintances, neighbors, humanity in general, and finally extend these thoughts to your enemies when you feel ready. If you cannot muster personal contact, think in a kindly and loving way about somebody you like, or an event that was pleasant, then expand to others. Say a prayer in their behalf, express gratitude, and request a divine blessing if you are spiritually inclined. Remember that you are not condoning the bad actions of your enemies, letting them off in any sense, or even thinking about letting them back into your life. You are just "letting go" [see also the notes on the "Let go of ... baggage" item] to help yourself. . The Happy for No Reason workbook (link above) contains headings and helpful exercises concerning all these practices. Remember Marci's note: "What you appreciate, appreciates." . Arianna Huffington has posted on Thrive Global (about) a gem of wisdom about thankfulness: "The Small Miracle of Gratitude: There’s practically nothing it can’t do." In this short but delightful piece, she points out [my emphasis] the following: "When you find yourself in that stop-the-world-I-want-to-get-off mindset, gratitude is the brake lever. Gratitude helps us reset and gives us perspective. We think of gratitude as a coda, an add-on, something that comes at the end. But in fact, gratitude is the beginning. And when we practice it, it sets off a chain reaction of positive benefits." She also quotes the results of a powerful practice that anybody can implement: “intentionally bringing into awareness the tiny, previously unnoticed elements of the day” and "take time to feel it." It is definitely worth the small time investment to focus for a moment on this one. It also includes links to the reference sources for further enlightenment. Thank you, Arianna. Arianna has also posted "My Word of the Year: 'Resilience'." We often think of resilience as a "bouncing back" from some adversity; but Arianna points out that "the key part of resilience isn’t about bouncing back, it’s about bouncing forward. It’s about using adversity as a catalyst to get better and become stronger." It is worth the read, in my opinion, for a more balanced perspective on adversity in general, and the pandemic in particular. And Bryan Robinson, also at Thrive Global (about) has posted "How to Move Forward After Experiencing a Setback." He points out that "When we confront our mistakes and embrace them, we can use our moments of disappointment to propel us forward." And in a similar vein, Selda Koydemir has posted on Psyche "How to be resilient," where resilience is "the ability to navigate successfully through, and recover from, stressful circumstances or crisis situations, and to do so in a way that leads to healthy functioning over time." Kristin Wong posts on Lifehacker (about) a tome titled, "Why Gratitude Makes You a Happier Person." She cites sections on How to Harness Gratitude, Change Your State of Mind with a Gratitude Session, Gratitude Makes You Resilient, Gratitude Improves Your Relationships, Gratitude Makes You Feel More in Control, and others. It is an easy read with many good ideas to help you use gratitude in helping increase your happiness. Gregory Ciotti (other articles) at Help Scout (about) has posted "The Psychological Benefits of Writing" which focuses on the benefits of writing these things down. His sections Writing and happiness, Writing and handling hard times, Writing and gratitude, Writing and your “mental tabs”, Writing and learning and Writing as leadership at scale provide a helpful context about how happiness can be derived merely through the practice of writing about an event, condition or circumstance. Be glad and thankful that you are as happy as you are. By paying attention to it, your happiness increases. As you pay attention to the positive in the present, you experience greater happiness and diminish the hold that past mistreatment (or fear of future mistreatment) might otherwise have. Don't spend any time focusing on what you do not want (misery and unhappiness); rather, focus on what you do want (happiness, contentment and joy). What you focus on is what you get more of; and what you ignore is what diminishes. Also ask, "What can I learn from this?" And count it as a blessing (opportunity to learn and to become a better person). Move on at the higher level of happiness. For an oft-cited paper with a little more reading (and a big pay-off in increased understanding of the effects of gratitude on your happiness), see "Counting Blessings Versus Burdens: An Experimental Investigation of Gratitude and Subjective Well-Being in Daily Life" by Robert A. Emmons (Wiki bio) in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (about). "Grateful responses to life ... can lead to peace of mind, happiness, physical health, and deeper, more satisfying personal relationships." How good is that? OutWitTrade (about) has posted "Why Is Gratitude Important For Recovery, Success, Mental Health And More?" among many postings. It contains a tonne of reader-submitted entries about thankfulness and expressions of gratitude that have helped them in recovery and in life. Harvard Health Publishing (about) has posted "Giving thanks can make you happier." It provides an overview of the role of gratitude in obtaining happiness with suggestions you can try. MIT posts a video Gratitude@MIT which, though aimed at Engineers, has wide applicability. It is only 3:12. Definitely worth a stop when you have three minutes to devote to something worthwhile. The video provides concrete steps anybody can take as starting points on a journey to greater happiness and joy through a gratitude mindset.   Take a peek at this Guardian piece by Moya Sarner (her other articles): "Is gratitude the secret of happiness? I spent a month finding out." Moya starts out by lamenting the "formalised, prescribed and premeditated gratitude" of being sat down by a parent to write a bunch of thank you notes to her benefactors as a child after receiving birthday gifts. But she saw benefits after trying to express gratitude in her diary about other things when she did it on her own. She cites lots of helpful examples others found in simply focusing on the more positive aspects of life rather than the more negative ones. She does not mention it specifically, but my own view was that it was the balancing of the negative with the positive that helped them.    Another helpful piece has been posted by Greater Good Magazine (about): "How Gratitude Changes You and Your Brain," by Joshua Brown and Joel Wong. Among other activities, they worked with college students suggesting they write gratitude letters to people who had helped them. An interesting finding was that the gratitude letters were a helpful exercise, even if they never actually sent them. . The Slate article "The Grim Secret of Nordic Happiness" points out that a balanced view is also helpful. It is all about being "well enough off" and not a lot worse off than others. If you can think of yourself as that well off or that happy, and do it with at least a little sense of gratitude, then you are part way there, even though your situation and circumstances have not changed otherwise.   . . . . - Additional notes on Thankfulness and Gratitude.   Gratitude (as an attitude or frame of mind, either expressed or not) is almost a subject by itself: both as a principle for life guidance, and as a potential remedy for sadness and depression (and even other opposites like entitlement, envy and resentment). This section contains a further reading list of articles on the benefits, the alternative methods that can be employed, the whys and wherefores of focusing your thinking on it, gratitude's different aspects and many more ideas and concepts. There is even an article that points out how selfish it is to use gratitude to improve your own mood [and writers who also complained about that]. Most of what is on this page elsewhere focuses on how balancing your otherwise more negative thoughts with some kind and generous (and thankful) thoughts can be helpful. The note on selfishness is not entirely specious; rather it might be looked at as something like balancing the balancing. Everything has its downsides, drawbacks, counterpoints, excesses and superficialities, of course. And this list of articles is intended to help you to broaden your focus on thankfulness as a state of mind (independent of its benefits and/or costs), and perhaps as a starting point for bolstering your mental health and for further research in areas that strike you as promising. This whole business of looking for happiness, contentment and joy is a highly individual thing, after all. What works for some may not work as well [or at all] for others. Since it is your happiness we are working toward, it is the ideas that capture your imagination as being potentially helpful that will likely be most fruitful in that quest.   "I skeptically tried practicing gratitude. It completely changed my life." "Supported by solid research and ultimately confirmed by numerous longer-term studies, the field [positive psychology] had burgeoned by the time I learned about it. "The gratitude thing," as I had called it, was but one small and simple element of the practice. Kind of like training the brain to focus on joy, my friend Heidi explained. "It's only a week," she urged. "Try it." I did. And guess what? It worked. Every day for a week, I found five distinct things for which I was thankful. They had to be different every day. I couldn't get away with just being grateful for my wonderful husband. But I could, suggested Collie Conoley, another colleague and noted positive psychologist, express my gratitude for specific aspects of a certain person each day."   "How Writing 365 Thank-You Notes Helped Me Reconnect with What’s Important in My Life." "Writing the notes wasn’t all that time-consuming: Each was two or three sentences long, taking just a few minutes to compose. I focused on the person I was writing to and what I wanted to say, and the words came fairly easily. I quickly learned I couldn’t do it while listening to a podcast or toggling between articles. That focus felt refreshing. It was good for my brain, which had been trained to wander, alighting on this feed or that e-mail, darting from app to app. It felt meditative to look at a blank white space with a pen in my hand, thinking about a person and the way he or she had helped me."   "The Secret to Writing a Truly Heartfelt Thank-You Note." Received a present? Consider a thank-you note mandatory. There is no substitute for this one. You do not get a pass if you didn’t ask for the gift, if you don’t like the gift, or if you said, “Hey, thanks,” when it was handed to you. Be concise but specific. The note doesn’t have to be long (three or four sentences is just fine), ..., and your appreciation for the sender’s time, effort, and thoughtfulness. Make your thank-you note authentic. And what you write must sound like you. Saying that the serving piece is “absolutely stunning” when words like that have never crossed your lips will come across as insincere, says Anna Post of the Emily Post Institute. Try to use the same tone as you would to the reader in person. Make the reader feel special. Addressing your appreciation for the sender him or herself will have a powerful effect on someone you care about (“I feel so lucky to have a friend like you.”) ... ...   "7 Daily Habits of Naturally Grateful People." They pay attention, They do more than just count their blessings. They spread the love. They keep a journal. They see the good in others. They slow down. They teach the habit to their kids.   "16 Powerful Quotes to Remind You to Be Grateful Every Single Day." I particularly liked “Piglet noticed that even though he had a very small heart, it could hold a rather large amount of gratitude.” ppp   "A.J. Jacobs Thanked One Thousand People For His Morning Coffee—He Likes It That Much." On selfishness, ... "... When I'm depressed, I'm focused solely on myself. When I'm grateful I'm happier and more likely to help others. Gratitude is an enabler."   "4 Small Ways to Practice Gratitude Every Day." "... What you’re likely not as familiar with is the impressive body of research suggesting gratitude—as an emotional experience, a character trait, and a practice—is associated with a wide array of improvements in mental health and well-being." "... the people who practiced gratitude had “evident differences” in many self-reported measures of mental health and well-being, like happiness, life satisfaction, grateful mood, grateful disposition, positive affect, depression, optimism, and quality of relationships."   "The Healing Powers of Gratitude." "As we’ll look at in depth, gratitude is something that can exist “alongside the very real and understandable negative emotions that most of us are experiencing right now,” not in place of them, Moskowitz says. In fact, gratitude may help us better weather and recover from these hard times."   "Use Gratitude to Counter Stress and Uncertainty." "... Gratitude is an emotion that grounds us and is a great way to balance out the negative mindset that uncertainty engenders, ..." "Think of your mind like your digestive system — what you put in it impacts how you feel. When you flood your mind with a constant flow of worry, envy, resentment, and self-criticism (compounded by a barrage of news and other media) it negatively impacts you. ..." "... When we take time to focus on what we are grateful for, we choose positive emotions over negative, thus we take steps to nurture our mental health and wellbeing." "How do we trigger gratitude in ourselves? It’s simple. We take time to shift our focus." "When you find yourself stuck in a constant state of worry, or hyper focused on what is not working around you, try to pause for a second and ask yourself one or two of the following questions. What have I gotten to learn recently that has helped me grow?", etc. "By taking time to write down our answers, we consciously redirect our attention to that which we are grateful for ..." When we write we use different brain circuits than we use when we think about something, or discuss it with others [or, verbalize it with ourselves. See "Talking out loud to yourself is a technology for thinking." See also "On the Gradual Formation of Thoughts During Speech."]. This can give us added helpful perspective. "If we want to be able to keep running in this race with no clear finish line [as with facing the current Covid pandemic], we need to learn to take better care of the runner. Although there is no one solution, learning to trigger gratitude may help us cope along the way."   "Why Gratitude Is Good." "Gratitude journals and other gratitude practices often seem so simple and basic; in our studies, we often have people keep gratitude journals for just three weeks. And yet the results have been overwhelming. We’ve studied more than one thousand people, from ages eight to 80, and found that people who practice gratitude consistently report a host of benefits: ... " <big long list>   "The Best Wellness, Gratitude, and Happiness Journals, According to Therapists and Journalers." This is mainly a commercial offering; but it gives you some ideas about the alternatives to try, all without buying anything.   For parents: "How to Raise Grateful Kids in an Era of Thankless People." We've all been here: "On a Saturday afternoon, you take your three kids to a movie they’ve wanted to see, then to their favorite hamburger spot for dinner, followed by ice cream. When they get home, they want to watch a movie on Netflix. When you tell them you think they’ve had enough screen time for the day and you’d like them to do something else, they complain that they have nothing to do." It can seem a bit contrived, but often it brings enjoyment with practice: "Appreciate family members. Find the natural opportunities in family life to express appreciation. In our family we would sometimes start dinner or a family meeting with a round of “appreciations.” Each of us would express our appreciation for whatever other family members had done for us that week ... . It didn’t take long but always produced a lot of good feelings."   "How to make gratitude a way of life." "There are many ways to cultivate a disposition of thankfulness. One is to make a habit of giving thanks regularly—at the beginning of the day, at meals and the like, and at day’s end. Likewise, holidays, weeks, seasons, and years can be punctuated with thanks—grateful prayer or meditation, writing thank-you notes, keeping a gratitude journal, and consciously seeking out the blessings in situations as they arise."   "How Cultural Differences Shape Your Gratitude." "Americans tend to be very individualistic, in contrast with collectivist cultures that put much more emphasis on the social group. This is an important distinction, because (despite their underrepresentation in gratitude research) 85 percent of the world’s population lives in cultures that researchers deem as more collectivist. In such cultures, people put greater emphasis on harmony and honoring others—values that would support the connective gratitude we see more in China and South Korea, which pays back kindness with things others might actually want. In fact, one study found that the more respect Chinese children show to parents, the more grateful they are."   "Choose to Be Grateful. It Will Make You Happier." "The psychologist Martin Seligman, father of the field known as “positive psychology,” gives some practical suggestions on how to do this. In his best seller “Authentic Happiness,” he recommends that readers systematically express gratitude in letters to loved ones and colleagues. A disciplined way to put this into practice is to make it as routine as morning coffee. Write two short emails each morning to friends, family or colleagues, thanking them for what they do."   Authors and contributors in the articles "The Selfish Side of Gratitude" and "Two Sides of Gratitude" point out that there is more to expressing your feelings of thankfulness than a thoughtful 'thank you' note. They speak of the value (and benefit) of actually doing something [yourself] to make things better is also a part of it. And that is always a helpful thought to keep in mind, of course. In my own view, though, it needn't keep us from doing the 'thank you' note part of it by itself, if that is what we are up to today.    . . Notes on "For those who are faith inspired, ..." These faith-inspired and spiritually-centered beliefs and practices are very powerful; but it apparently does not matter what they are in detail. It is the strength with which they are held that makes them effective in helping people feel the happiness they are seeking. The point here is that although research does not identify any specific beliefs as being more helpful than others; searching out, learning about and practicing your deeply-held beliefs has great potential to help you to achieve greater happiness. Joining a study group at your church, mosque, temple, mandir, synagogue or other meeting place [or electronic forum] can be a big help with these questions; and the social interaction and new friendships among like-minded people can only be helpful in your happiness quest also. Zat Rana has posted a very interesting piece for those with a spiritual side, but who are a bit leery of the failings of organized institutional religious tradition and dogma. Its title is "Why Everybody Needs a Personal Religion." If you just Google "Personal Religion" there are a great many more. The significant point here is that everybody already has their own personal religion, be it some form of agnosticism or even atheism, or just their own unique understanding of some already-named religion in which they participate, sometimes one with a very long history, and sometimes even one with a very large number of adherents, including all the ones which make claims to being the only true one. If you ask any two adherents of any religion about their beliefs, you get at least two different answers. For sure, the main point here is the inner peace and tranquility that you derive from deeply-pursued and deeply-held values and beliefs, and on which you can rely in your life's quests. Having your own personal religion can bring you all those benefits with none of the costs of trying to shoehorn yourself into some pre-defined space. The result can be a BIG boost to your personal happiness, inner peace and joy.      Thomas Moore has written A Religion of One’s Own: A Guide to Creating a Personal Spirituality in a Secular World (review), a three-part interview about which provides a good summary (Part 1, Part 2 and Part 3). Moore emphasizes the worth of holding a personalized view of these deeply-pursued and deeply-held values and beliefs. Says he: "... we all need various forms of transcendence. That’s the whole thrust of Buddhism; Christianity is all about transcending a narcissistic way of life through love of one’s neighbor; and the Sufi poets suggest finding divinity wherever you turn." In terms of expanding our view of religion, he also says "When we look with different eyes and see the sacred where it’s normally not seen, for example, we can see that a farmer who never goes to church, who doesn’t believe in God or talk about “holy this or holy that,” who watches television and reads the newspaper (like my uncle did) and who spends his time outside tending animals, growing things in the fields and watching the weather, can be more spiritual than someone who goes to church. So in that sense, my uncle is a very good model of a person who is religious, but who doesn’t look religious. The Catholic Church may have a wafer of bread—but the farmer’s got the wheat."         Now some further notes on spirituality: your own individual spirituality. After you have had even just a little peek at Thomas Moore immediately above, and as you pursue your happiness quest, think about how your own spirituality affects your quest. If you can think of your own "higher self" as a spirit being, descended from a Spirit Parent, then you can tap into that love that new Mothers experience. I have heard more than a few new Moms say, "I never, ever thought that I could feel love like I feel it for my newborn infant!" And that is a profound discovery for each Mother (and for you). It is that love upon which your happiness depends importantly, especially when you learn to direct also to yourself. Maybe you have to imagine how your own Mom felt as she held you for the very first time. If she is alive, ask her about it.  Try to consider your own spirituality as an asset to leverage effectiveness in your quest for happiness. Do it even if you have no faith, no [officially named organized] religion, are an agnostic or an atheist. We're talking here about your own personal spirituality or uninstitutionalized religion (as in Thomas Moore above). In that world, you don't have to be concerned at all about conforming to the rubric or dogma of any established form. You simply embark on a quest for truth, and see if applying your own spirituality (however you define it) is likely to be any help.   Use an age-old and very simple-to-prove method invoked through a very simple trial. Inquire (from your heart in your sincerity, through meditation, prayer, contemplation, etc.). ... ASK your higher power (God/Source/Creator) the following ... A. S. K. Ask and it shall be given unto you; Seek and ye shall find; Knock and it shall be opened unto you. A. S. K.  {See Matt 7:7 and Luke 11:9}           {See also 3 Nephi 14:8 For every one that asketh,                 receiveth; and he that seeketh, findeth;                  and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened.} Think for just a moment about testing the Universe to see if this spirituality thing has any merit. Consider for just a moment if you have any hint of vestigial Christian inklings (or once had been exposed to them in your youth, or even if you never heard any of it). ASK if there really is a higher power (God/Source/Creator), His Son, Jesus Christ or a Holy Ghost (or Holy Spirit). The latter testifies of God and His Son by shedding itself abroad to fill the immensity of space, ... including reaching you wherever you are in that immensity (or in your own individual mindspace). Consider a quest for eternal truth as a proxy for your quest for happiness. In this pursuit, you uncover through your own spirituality, your own higher power (God/Source/Creator) whose eternal truths you can rely upon. [Moroni 10:5-7]. 5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things. 6 And whatsoever thing is good is just and true; wherefore, nothing that is good denieth the Christ, but acknowledgeth that He is. 7 And ye may know that He is, by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore I would exhort you that ye deny not the power of God; for He worketh by power, according to the faith of the children of men, the same today and tomorrow, and forever. You will quickly learn that "love" is at the center of everything, or IS everything. This connection, which begins as you think of your spiritual parent, is the essence of eternal truth. Its sibling "kindness" is right along side of it. Imagine yourself thinking like the Dalai Lama, who says "kindness is my religion." He has a great deal to say about life; he always says it well; and he lives it. His teachings are very easy to find. They are everywhere. Consider a second look at the age-old simplicity of "Love God; Love your neighbor" as being the two pillars upon which everything else depends. [Matt 22:38-40]. As you master these two, your happiness expands and grows and blossoms and bears fruit in ways you have never imagined. They are the first two laws of the universe. The Dalai Lama has already mastered them. And so has your dog. They are both very good models. If these two simplicities are true, then the higher power (God/Source/Creator) will make good on your query: All you need to do is ASK from the sincerity of your heart. You don't even need faith that they might be true. You can simply make it your ASK and see what happens. You have only a very small investment in making your trial query. And if He makes good on His word, then you might have hit the jackpot in your happiness quest. Give Him time to respond on His timetable. He has a much broader view than you have; and will be responding in ways unimaginable, and at times indeterminate to our mere mortal minds. Listen. Watch. Ponder. Meditate. Pray. Listen some more. Ferret out all the occurrences in your life. His answers are in there. As you discover them with your mind and your spirituality, they will expand your happiness in ways that will enlighten you like your Mom was enlightened when she first held you. You simply pursue this eternal truth wherever it takes you. Legion are the enquirers who have found answers to a very large number of questions besides those which you pose in your quest for happiness. Happiness becomes a trivial subset of the much greater quest: what is eternal truth? And your own happiness abounds at every turn because you are learning so much and so fast that you can hardly contain your enthusiasm. You become one of those Hi-Hope people for whom anything is now possible {just Google "Hi-hope Psychology" without the quotation marks--by itself hope is another powerful ally in your quest for happiness}. And life becomes nothing less than a scramble to achieve all the learning you can consume. OR, you can pursue it at your leisure, knowing there is likely no limit to the amount of eternal truth you can find that is presently well beyond the capacity of your mere mortal mind. Moreover, as a bonus, you will discover also the importance of many other virtues: gratitude and forgiveness principal among them. Learning about all these virtues will augment your search for happiness. They are all discussed liberally on this page, and in many, many other places. How good would that be? And if you, looking back, can spot all the fruits of your erstwhile quest for happiness, you'll already be way ahead of me in the precision search that will deliver you that needle in the haystack of all the eternal truths you will have uncovered. About a zillion tonnes of helpful information has been posted by mere mortals on spirituality that has nothing to do with any organized religion. And since you are in pursuit of your own personal spirituality, such is irrelevant anyhow. You are tapping into a very powerful ally in your quest that you might not have considered otherwise. It is all worth a try, methinks.    Covey says that humility is the mother of all virtues. By subjecting ourselves to the principles which will govern the outcome, we will be able to make better choices than simply saying "just do it my way," or "I am going to do this my way, no matter what." Vickey Pahnke Taylor's Goodness Matters website {Christian themes} offers articles along with inspirational thoughts. They also sell books, CDs, etc. "An Overview of Loving-kindness Meditation" is posted at Buddhanet.net with other helpful information and suggestions. The May You Be Blessed website offers a very pleasant 4 1/2 min movie with lots of pretty photos. It is very relaxing and uplifting. The 7 1/2 min video The Gentle Art of Blessing provides notes on leaving a mental blessing on all those you encounter and pass in life. It is a very relaxing and enjoyable few minutes, with pleasant scenes, music, and etc. . For those who are faith inspired, have perhaps been raised to avoid sexually-related topics growing up, and are looking for reliable information about lovemaking that is consistent with Christian religious thought, an active Latter-day Saint couple has writen a tasteful and frank discussion that is very helpful and long overdue: "And It Was Very Good: A Latter-day Saint’s Guide to Lovemaking." . . . Notes on "Optimism ... may be the most important attitude leading to increased happiness. ..." Optimism as an attitude or mindset, shares the "perhaps most important" designation with Social interaction, as an activity. These two happiness assets are often seen to contribute more to increased happiness than do other attitudes and/or activities. Thus, they are listed together at the top of many lists of ways to increase happiness. The faith-inspired may find it helpful to think: God is not sending/allowing things against me; He is sending/allowing things for me (or for my good). God can make even something bad work out for your good. If you spend your time thinking about the good side, you will feel happier overall (even though neither the pain nor the immediate outcome may be changed). And remember: "The answer to prayer is not according to your faith while you are talking, but according to your faith while you are working." [Wallace D. Wattles, in The Science of Getting Rich, Chapter 8--see entry on Wattles above with links to the components]. Here is The Optimist's Creed by Christian D. Larson, published in 1912.  Promise yourself ...  To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet. To make all your friends feel that there is something in them. To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile. To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear; and too happy to permit the presence of trouble. To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but in great deeds. To live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you. Don't forget Joel Osteen's advice on optimistic thinking (above) - he may be the most optimistic man on the planet. And his suggestions are very infectious. . Keep in mind that our brains are naturally wired to take threats and bad experiences much more seriously than opportunities and pleasant experiences. Psychologists call it the negativity bias. Our brains are wired that way because it can mean survival if we remember that a rattle snake is poisonous (and can kill us); whereas, only a fleeting pleasure is lost if we forget how good we felt when so-and-so encouraged us. The lesson we can take from that is to be optimistic and positively savor or dwell on the pleasant experiences deliberately for 15 to 30 seconds. That easy technique will set them into our memories as firmly as a two second recognition of a threat or other bad experience. By routinely practicing this technique, we can get all the benefits of both, and improve our happiness noticeably. If we regularly practice gratitude (see Notes on Be Thankful ..., above), we can use that process as a mechanism to momentarily dwell on the positive, and get two benefits. The bottom line here is that the negative/hurtful things stay in our brains because of some ancient survival process; and we can get the same benefit from positive/helpful things by optimistically and consciously dwelling on them for 15-30 seconds whenever they occur. It can be a small investment for a big positive return. Cleverism posts a paper Business, Career, Career tips, Communication, Leadership, Personal development: How to Collaborate with and Influence People Using the SCARF Model in which they point out the social component noting that "In today’s interconnected world the ability to collaborate with other people is an increasingly important part of workplace communication. In order to understand how to better manage bigger groups and improve co-operation, it’s important to comprehend what drives social behavior." They also "... examine one model explaining this behavior, called the SCARF model [and] explain the basics behind the theory, the way it explains the approach and avoid responses, and how you can use it to decrease the threats and increase the sense of reward when collaborating with others." Decreasing the threats and increasing the sense of reward more generally can help us in our quest for greater happiness in our dealings with others. Keep also in mind that positive thinking by itself only rarely changes the reality you are facing (though often you see a better side of it because you have been focusing on that side too). Rather, you just feel better about things generally because you have stoked your mind with the positive side as well as the negative side that brought you to your quest for greater happiness in the first place. A NY Times post, "Turning Negative Thinkers Into Positive Ones," has a good list of things you can do to become a more positive thinker and gain the happiness and outlook and health benefits of doing so. It is a no-cost endeavor that can bring you a big pay-out over the long term. Tim Dowling has posted a clever piece in the Guardian "Glass half-full: how I learned to be an optimist in a week" that may appeal to both pessimists and realists. His first entry in a mini-journal of his thoughts was, "This is never going to work." He was really surprised when his optimism test score improved after only a week; and his breezy, skeptical approach leaves the reader with lots of ideas and strategies to think about, even when they are also very sure it cannot work at all, never mind in a week. Thrive Global (about) has posted "How to Build Hopeful Beliefs and Develop a Resilient Mindset." Bernadette Mazurek Melnyk, Ph.D., offers tips to help you reframe in times of stress and uncertainty. "Daily practices such as monitoring your mood, stopping negative thoughts, saying positive statements about yourself, mindfulness or living in the present, and taking a moment of gratitude are all quick actions that Dr. Melnyk explains can help build hopeful beliefs. She provides great examples of how you can integrate these practices into your daily life, even with the long hours you may be working." Angel Chernoff posts "3 Great Ways to Force Yourself to Be More Grateful (and a Little Happier)" with some surprising ideas, too. Who would think that forcing yourself to smile as you think of something to be grateful for would be any help at all? But participants who tried it "found that this consistently stimulated mental activity associated with positive feelings and emotions." Not just surprising. These are things you can try for free all by yourself and see what happens to your mood. The article has lots of links to their other work on the Mark and Angel blog, where they post a tonne of ideas for improving your mood and lots of other self-development strategies. Penultimately, there is an obtuse view of this "positive thinking" aspect of your search for happiness, that, for some people will have appeal too. The idea is that some people's patience is just exhausted by the concept of being optimistic, or always thinking on the positive side. For them, it is just so much baloney. Oliver Burkeman has written a clever, even humorous book, "The Antidote: Happiness for people who cannot stand positive thinking." You can read about it on Amazon (link to Amazon's sales blurb); and several of the Amazon Reviews were helpful to lots of readers. Some of the reviewers articulate quite well that over-zealous elimination (even active evasion) of negative thinking creates its own anxieties, and leads away from happiness for those people rather than drawing them toward it. In any event, Burkeman provides additional food for thought.  Ted Ideas has posted on GetPocket a summary of eight ideas on "How to Be More Hopeful," each with links to the relevant Ted video for further information. (1) Shift to the brighter side whenever you feel down. By focusing on the positive, you bring a better balance to your thinking. (2) Recognize that you can change your life at any point. (3) Look for meaning in the most challenging moments. (4) Listen to another person’s story. "When you hear a story about the love, wisdom and courage that fill our most important moments, ... “it can sometimes feel like you’re walking on holy ground.” (5) Return to your home base. Writer Elizabeth Gilbert says that after the blockbuster success of her memoir Eat, Pray, Love, she released another book — and “it bombed.” ... her home base is the act of writing itself — not getting good reviews, watching her books become best-sellers, or selling movie rights. (6) Add some wow to your world. (7) Remember the essential goodness of humanity. “There’s alway going to be these horrible tragedies that happen in our lives, and these terrible things, but there’s always going to be more good out there, and you just have to look for it.” (8) Think about your death (yes, really). "This doesn’t need to be a morbid activity; [but artist] Candy Chang has found it can be illuminating and centering. ... In this way, preparing for death — and thinking about all the things you can achieve right now — can be one of the most uplifting things you can do." . . Notes on "Let go of unhelpful worries/fears/regrets/past hurts/recriminations/low self-image and other baggage. ..." This "letting go" can be crucial for many unhappy people. These unhelpful practices can be the principal reason that greater happiness does not come easily. If you dwell on, ruminate about or constantly think about or replay worrying or disheartening thoughts or experiences, your brain will soon enough be thinking of little else (and your mood will reflect all that as if it were fact). But you can interrupt all of that by thinking about the positive aspects of life, too. [See the Gretchen Rubin item just below]. One of the main ideas here is that if you fight with these baggage items or actively detest or resent them, or rail {complain bitterly to yourself of to others} against them in trying to get rid of them, these actions seem only to make them stick better. You will be pleasantly surprised by the effectiveness of just letting them go. The Sedona Method (which is also selling lots of related items, and which you can Google) suggests you start with just deciding to drop the unhelpful ideas/emotions/thoughts: Deciding to Drop It (from their article "The First Four Ways of Letting Go"). . Pick up a pen, a pencil, or some small object that you would be willing to drop without giving it a second thought. . Now, hold the object in front of you and really grip it tightly. Pretend this is one of your limiting feelings and that your hand represents your gut or your consciousness. If you held the object long enough, this would start to feel uncomfortable yet familiar. . Now, open your hand and roll the object around in it. Notice that you are the one holding on to it; it is not attached to your hand. The same is true with your feelings. Your feelings are as attached to you as this object is attached to your hand. . We hold on to our feelings and forget that we are holding on to them. It’s even in our language. When we feel angry or sad, we don’t usually say, “I feel angry,” or “I feel sad.” We say, “I am angry,” or “I am sad.” Without realizing it, we are misidentifying that we are the feeling. Often, we believe a feeling is holding on to us. This is not true … we are always in control and just don’t know it. . Now, let the object go. . What happened? You let go of the object, and it dropped to the floor. Was that hard? Of course not. That’s what we mean when we say, “Let go or ‘release'.” . You can do the same thing with any emotion: choose to let it go. In this process of "letting go" you rid yourself of the unhelpful baggage much more effectively than if you rail against it. They also suggest that when you experience an unhelpful emotion that you let it "settle" in some sense (be sure of how you are feeling), and then ask yourself some simple questions: Could I let this feeling go? It does not even matter whether you answer yes or no (but "no" may help you know how badly you want to be rid of it). Would I let this feeling go? Are you willing to be done with it? You may even be eager to let it go. Just don't rail against it. When? This is an invitation to answer "right now." But if not now, then maybe you will feel more like it later. At any rate, if you are ready, just let the unhelpful feeling or emotion go while visualizing the pen from the prior example falling to the floor. It took no effort beyond maybe tipping your hand slightly so it could roll off of its own accord. Here you are using your choice to just let it go. And you calmly begin thinking of other things. It may be helpful for some people to have a favorite positive/enjoyable subject to which to turn their attention. The point is that this gentle process allows you to become the manager of your thoughts and attitudes, allowing the baggage to just fall away. Repeat these steps whenever the old (or other) baggage returns to the stage of your mind. In a short time you will find it fading into the past while the new happier mindset takes its place. . Use Dr. Fordyce's strategies to change your mind and control your thoughts - from his Fifth Fundamental, "Stop Worrying": "The strategy here is quite basic: we want to be happy; our happiness is largely dependent upon our day-to-day mood; our day-to-day mood is largely dependent upon what thoughts pass through our mind; our thoughts can be brought under our control; and thus, by controlling our thoughts we can control our happiness." "... the more time one spends thinking positive thoughts, instead of negative thoughts, the happier one will be. And since thoughts are generally easier to change than feelings, the more we are able to harness the direction of our thoughts, the more control we will find over our happiness." Use the 'thought check,' 'thought switching' and your 'main thought' to focus your thinking (away from worrying) toward better moods and toward better overall happiness more of the time. You may be pleased to see how much more effective this method is than your prior angry response to the old recurring baggage. Also, use this "letting go" process to help you to be OK with adverse circumstances and treatment. See "How To Really Let Whatever Happens Be Okay—and Why You Would Want To," above. Accept what is by watching your reaction with curiosity. [Tolle describes this as being an alert witness to the unpleasant thing and your response. You step aside and observe, consciously. Tolle suggests alternately that you make yourself transparent to the irritation by visualizing it passing right through you with no resistance (therefore, with no reaction or response).] . Gretchen Rubin says “Make the Positive Argument” instead of the negative one. It can change your opinion and frame of mind in a wonderful way. She expands as follows. I love my husband with all my heart, but sometimes I fall into a spiral of criticism. He annoys me by not answering my emails, and that gets me thinking about how he also annoys me by not mailing an important form, and so on. I discovered an excellent technique to combat this tendency. In general, people are very skillful at arguing a particular case. When a person takes a position, he or she looks for evidence to support it and then stops, satisfied. This mental process gives the illusion that a position is objective and well justified. However—and this is the useful point—a person can often make the very opposite argument, just as easily. If I tell myself, “I’m a shy person,” I remember examples of my shyness. If I tell myself, “I’m an outgoing person,” I remember times when I was outgoing. I’m able to argue both conclusions quite persuasively. To make use of this phenomenon, I’ve resolved to “Make the positive argument.” When I catch myself thinking, “My husband isn’t very thoughtful,” and my mind starts kicking up examples of thoughtlessness, I contradict myself with “He’s very thoughtful”—and sure enough, I’m able to come up with many examples of his thoughtful behavior. “He doesn’t enjoy celebrating holidays”; “He does enjoy celebrating holidays.” I can actually feel my opinion shift. It’s almost uncanny. Resolve to “Make the positive argument.” You’ll be amazed at how convincing you can be—to yourself. See also How To Stop Replaying Old Arguments in your mind. Its on the Positivity Blog, in the Related Resources, below. Watch for distortions in your thinking (see Burns' list above), do as Tolle suggests and be the silent watcher of your mind, how it makes you feel, etc. But don't editorialize or condemn yourself. Just by observing it you will gain power over your thoughts and moods. Use Byrne's Secret Shifters to change your thoughts to improve your mood. Marina Khidekel at Thrive Global (about) posts "3 Ways to Stop Irrational Worries From Spiraling Out of Control" which provides some ideas for getting started: (1) Focus on your own story, (2) Write it out, (3) ask yourself if there anything you can do about this right now?    Sweta Bothra at Thrive Global (about) posts "5 Ways to Know If You’re Chasing Unhappiness: Here's how to identify the signs, and let go of the things that are taking away from your happiness." The five ways deal with (1) Complaining, (2) Having Unrealistic Demands, (3) Comparing, (4) Holding Grudges, and (5) Investing in Possessions. The article is worth looking over, in case you are inadvertently contributing to your own unhappiness in ways that you can change once you know about them.  . . Notes on "Find your passion; make a career of it. ..."  Doing things that are interesting to you (over against things that are boring, for example) is a nobrainer. But how does one identify one's passions? It is not a lot more than making a list of your interests, enjoyments, dreams and talents (often, more of heart than mind; but don't leave out the latter), then putting them in order. Your passions are at the top of the list. And don't be too quick to rule out something that appears at first glance to be unaffordable, for example. Make the list first; then order it, weed out some, and re-order. Keep the best ones, whether or not they make really good sense in the first instance, and perhaps especially if other people think they are silly.  Here are some ideas for step-by-step procedures that may also be helpful in getting started. Lifestyle Makeover Expert Cheryl Richardson's 5 steps "Discover Your Dreams," from an Oprah Winfrey Show on finding your passions, (with links and other helpful suggestions). Their item "Pursuing Your Passion" has helpful suggestions too. Sean M. Lyden's article "Finding Your Passion" {some commercial clutter} looks at it from a career and business standpoint; but the personal aspects are not a whole lot different. He identifies 6 steps: [1] Identify what gets you excited, [2] Go back to your childhood, [3] Take stock of your talents, [4] "Shop" on the job, [5] Look at the big picture (from Covey's three questions: Do I like doing it? Am I good at it? Does the world need it?), and [6] Put it to the test. His article cites other resources, too. Brad Bollenbach's article "Finding Your Passion" is more about experimenting with alternatives than making lists of possibilities. It could use more depth and some examples; but his photo of an ecstatic girl with her guitar is worth a visit just to spark your enthusiasm. Frederic Premji's page "7 Questions To Finding Your True Passion" lists these questions: [1] What puts a smile on your face?, [2] What do you find easy?, [3] What sparks your creativity?, [4] What would you do for free?, [5] What do you like to talk about?, [6] What makes you unafraid of failure? {things you would do no matter the outcome}, and [7] What would you regret not having tried? Michelle Martin's Finding Your Life Passion article {career context} suggests using photos, art and music to help you sift through your interests. This allows you to engage your artistic right brain more than the left-brain-logic-centered lists of words, for example. Curt Rosengren's "Identifying Your Passion's Building Blocks" {career context} focuses on why we like or are interested in certain things. Daylle Deanna Schwartz posts "Finding Your Passions" in the blog Lessons from a Recovering Doormat {career empowerment context}. It is very breezy and positive, ... and fun. She mentions some helpful steps: [1] Think about whether you love, or even like, the things you do, [2] Pay attention to how others talk about their jobs, [3] Pay attention to any parts of your current job that you enjoy, [4] Pay attention to your outside interests, [5] Take a class in whatever interests you, [6] Volunteer at something you like to do, [7] Close your ears to naysayers, [8] Use your spiritual faith to manifest, and [9] Decide what’s more important—money or happiness. {"being happy with what you do is the best gift you can give to yourself—much better than money can buy"}. Complete the VIA Signature Strengths Questionnaire, among the "Engagement Questionnaires" at the Authentic Happiness website. It takes about a half-hour; but it is worth the effort [the Brief Strengths Test is not as helpful]. They list your strengths in descending order, with your passions at the top. You need to register; but it is free, and they don't bomb your mailbox with clutter. By registering, they keep your scores so that you can see improvements when you re-take any test later. "In order that people may be happy in their work, these three things are needed: They must be fit for it. They must not do too much of it. And they must have a sense of success in it." — John Ruskin. ... There are many others. Just Google "Finding Your Passions" (or some variant) and run your own quest. Finally, as you pursue possible passions, keep your eyes open to nearby alternatives. You might be able to refine them into something even better. One sage, after a long quest to identify his own passions, exclaimed "I discovered that I had been hired by the universe, ... to be myself." Remember, you are unique; and your creation was neither happenstance nor accident. It was done on purpose by The Master. Let your talents, personality and individuality shine. Be your best self. Haidt points out (in his Felicity of Virtue chapter, pp. 169-170) that it is much more productive to work from your strengths than it is to try to correct a weakness directly by itself. By using your strengths, you find greater interest and enjoyment in the endeavor. Thereby you are much more likely to stick to it and ultimately succeed. He suggests that you use your strengths to work around your weaknesses: whether you ultimately correct them or just go around them, you get substantially the same result. And you have fun doing it through the use of your strengths (which, of course, are themselves strengthened through practice).  "To find out what one is fitted to do and to secure an opportunity to do it is key to happiness." — John Dewey.   Benjamin Hardy has posted "Make Decisions Today That Will Impress Your Friends In 20 Years." To me it is not so much about impressing friends as it is about longer-term thinking and moving strategically into a future that I have thought about more than casually. Ben adds "There is a profound new insight emerging from the field of positive psychology and it’s this: The view we have of our own future is the greatest determinant in who we are and what we do today. Said another way: What we [choose to] do today is based on the future we see for ourselves." He also notes: "The further out you make your decisions, the more informed your decisions will be. If you want to be a highly conscious and intentional person, then you need to think about where your choices are leading you. Every decision you make is impacting your future self." . Notes on "Remember that by simply thinking about and valuing happiness (paying increased attention to it) ..." As the 14th Fundamental of Fordyce (above), VALHAP "the Secret Fundamental" elaborates, there is a by-product of studying and valuing happiness that you might not predict immediately. You find an increase in your happiness simply by paying greater attention to it. This is, of course, completely consistent with the law of attraction and our notes on optimism: when you think of the positive aspects, and think about optimistic outcomes, you feel happier. Well, if you think more about being happy, how to get there, what to do to obtain more of it, then more of it will come to you as a result. Fordyce calls it "happiness awareness" in his 14th Fundamental. If you encountered this notion before you embarked on your study of happiness, and how to get more of it, you might think it is a bit hokey. But if you get to this one after you have been paying increased attention to it for a while, you will see immediately that it is a true side-benefit that you would likely not have predicted at the outset. Count another blessing. Psyc 157 - "Psychology and the Good Life" [Yale Bulletin-Psych programs] was easily the most wildly popular course in 2017 at Yale. If you are not currently a student at Yale, the article "Read This Story and Get Happier  ... The most popular course at Yale teaches how to be happy. We took it for you." provides a good summary of its content, and may help you with the basics of how to change your behavior and habits to realize greater happiness and joy in your everyday non-Yale-student life. In about 2018 the course was restructured as a free on-line course "The Science of Well-Being" [Yale news blurb] that had been viewed more than a million times in late 2019. It is referred to in a related HuffPost article "What We Get Wrong About Happiness, According To A Real Happiness Professor," that may also contain useful information. A short video "The Science of Well-Being - Dr. Laurie Santos' New Online Course" (under 2 minutes), narrated by Dr. Laurie Santos herself (the Yale professor who started the whole thing), is available on YouTube. Another aspect of simply paying more attention to and valuing your happiness, is measuring and tracking it. This practice can also be helpful to some people. There are a variety of websites devoted to "tracking happiness" (just google the phrase). Hugo (about) posts his own Tracking Happiness page where he suggests: "Determine what makes you happy. Every day. Act on it." He posts some logs and charts from his own experience, and offers a free custom template for doing so yourself.   Remember also to look for things to laugh about. See the item on making it a habit to practice laughter (above). . . Notes on "Avoid what leads to unhappiness ..." As Shimoff mentions in "Happiness for No Reason" (above), your happiness is already inside you, and will be manifest as soon as you stop the activities, attitudes and practices which are keeping it hidden and ineffective. As such, you don't have to start doing anything new; all you have to do is to stop keeping your happiness back. This can be a great boon to those who are too burned out to work much at all on anything, and especially to those unaware that they are keeping their innate happiness from helping them to feel better. See also How To Stop Replaying Old Arguments in your mind. Its on the Positivity Blog, in the Related Resources, below. Burns identifies 10 kinds of distorted thinking and low self-esteem as common to virtually all people who are unhappier than they would like to be. These are matters under your control; and you can remedy them both. Every positive step will result in improved joy, happiness and contentment. . . Notes on "xx ..." <future, to come> ... next .

.
Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response.
In those choices lie our paths to growth, freedom and happiness.⁵
.
.
Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom. 
.
.
.

Related Resources

• Here are some other mostly informal sources that may strike a chord, or be helpful otherwise. They are in no order. Some have commercial content.

• Happiness - Wikipedia entry (research/theory, measurement, set point theory, everyday correlates, religious and spiritual views, etc.).

• The Marc and Angel Hack Life (about) website posts a couple of very interesting and informative pages:
• 12 Rituals Happy, Successful People Practice Every Day, and
• 12 Quiet Rituals of Enormously Successful Humans.
• Both pages will give you lots of idea about how to increase your happiness and joy every day. The website contains "over 600 articles on happiness, productivity, emotional intelligence, relationships, and general self-improvement." It is definitely worth a stop on your quest for a happier and more fulfilling life.
• See also 20 Things to Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough. ... and lots of other really good stuff.
• See also "3 Great Ways to Force Yourself to Be More Grateful (and a Lot Happier)".
• ... and lots of other really good stuff.

• Hey Kendra (about) posts If Your Life Sucks, It’s Your Fault: An Open Letter to Those Who Think Their “Life Sucks,” and a tonne of other really positive stuff. When you read about her start in life and her response to it, you can't help but smile and resolve to take charge of your life in new ways. You can also sign up for her newsletter. Hey Kendra: Go Get It! (and thanks for sharing your enthusiasm with us). We appreciate it.

• Johann Hari has written Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression--and the Unexpected Solutions. (Amazon's blurb; Goodreads' blurb). Hari points out that while chemical anti-depressants are helpful to many, they are often only a part of the solution. In his view there are social contributors to depression which, when corrected, can also lift from depression. In his article in Vox, We need new ways of treating depression, he suggests that "it is not just about brain chemistry." He "was able to identify nine causes of depression and anxiety for which there is scientific evidence. Seven are forms of disconnection: from other people, from meaningful work, from meaningful values, from the natural world, from a safe and secure childhood [and presumably, adulthood], from status, and from a future that makes sense to you. Two are biological: your genes, and real brain changes." He learned about a doctor who prescribed group gardening to a collection of his depressed patients. They discovered meaning in working the soil, in helping each other, in establishing connections with each other, and in rising to make a little patch of land more productive. All improved in their outlook as a result. He mentions that "Everyone knows that human beings have innate physical needs — for food, water, shelter, clean air. There is equally clear evidence that human beings have innate psychological needs: to belong, to have meaning and purpose in our lives, to feel we are valued, to feel we have a secure future. Our culture is getting less good at meeting those underlying needs for a large number of people—and this is one of the key drivers of the current epidemic of despair." These are often within our control if we work on them ourselves, too, not just in connection with a medical prescription. The ways we think about ourselves (or train ourselves to adjust the ways we think about ourselves) can lift us from depression too, and help us find greater joy, fulfillment and happiness in all our life's quests.
  

• WebMD (about) posts Strategies for Happiness: 7 Steps to Becoming a Happier Person (some commercial and other clutter, but short and informative). To set the stage they invoke a Thoreau quote, "Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder." Then they point out that you do need to choose to be happy, and to pursue it in some ways, ... especially by focusing attention in your mind. They identify 7 effective steps you can take toward greater happiness: Happiness Strategy # 1: Don't Worry, Choose Happy, #2: Cultivate Gratitude, #3: Foster Forgiveness, #4: Counteract Negative Thoughts and Feelings, #5: Remember, Money Can't Buy Happiness, #6: Foster Friendship, and #7: Engage in Meaningful Activities.
• A similar posting with more depth by Dr. Mark Rogers at the Neurokarma Project (about) is "Happiness is a Skill you can Learn."
  
• There are a few quick skills you can lean as you read it. Lots of fun, even. And you can sign up for their newsletter, too.
• And his post "How to Really Get Positive Thinking Working for You" has some very helpful starting steps, too.
  

• Nick Statt has written "Be one with Flappy Bird: The science of 'flow' in game design" that ably describes the connection between Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi's Flow (see above) and effective on-line and mobile game design. Experiencing Flow (something you can do completely independently) can help you feel happier in important ways.
  

• Wikipedia posts helpful entries on happiness as a central theme of Buddhism, including the Middle Way (moderation, avoiding extremes), the Four Noble Truths (suffering's nature, origin, cessation and the path leading to the cessation) and the Noble Eightfold Path (right understanding, right thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration), leading to Nirvana (liberation, enlightenment, awakening, the highest happiness, a state of everlasting peace), and elimination of thirst or craving of all sorts and exhibiting loving kindness to everyone (and helping them to attain it).

• The Kindergarten of Mindfulness - focusing on awareness, being in the here and now, etc., with 5 free on-line training classes for beginners. This site is better than you might think from its title. I would have called it "Mindfulness for Dummies" or some such. Anyhow, it is very straightforward; and they are not selling anything--only trying to be helpful.

• The Wikipedia entries on Meditation in several different religious traditions, and mindfulness of breathing may also be helpful.

• A short article from Readers Digest "The New Science of Thank You" suggests that the effects of being grateful are very far-reaching, well beyond happiness, which it definitely helps. It is only a five minute read; but it may be a helpful place to start thinking about using gratitude more effectively in your happiness quest.
• A New York Times article "Choose to Be Grateful. It Will Make You Happier" by Arthur C. Brooks contains more evidence of greater happiness: "... researchers in one 2003 study randomly assigned one group of study participants to keep a short weekly list of the things they were grateful for, while other groups listed hassles or neutral events. Ten weeks later, the first group enjoyed significantly greater life satisfaction than the others." Life is noticeably affected by what you focus on. Choose the focus that helps you.
  

.
• The Happiness Show, originally a TV show about happiness (who they are), with lots of videos, etc., and their page on Dr. Michael W. Fordyce.

Their single page "What is Happiness?" talks about positive emotions, satisfaction, elation and joy, etc.

George Ortega's Happiness Method describes four things you can do to increase your happiness quickly.

Their 21 Ways of Becoming Happier lists lots of others, each with a quick paragraph or two to get you started.

.
• In a Live Science (about) article, "Self-Compassion: The Most Important Life Skill?" author Robin Nixon tells us of Kristen Neff, an associate professor at the University of Texas at Austin, who pointed out that "Being sympathetic and kind to herself let her cope constructively and offered insight into how to parent her ... son [who was struggling with his autism]." A related article "5 Ways to Foster Self-Compassion in Your Child" helps parents with a summary of starting steps. Developing self-compassion is compared to developing self-esteem, in which accomplishment helps some practitioners feel happier. Self-compassion is more balanced and does not induce feelings of failure when accomplishment does not eventuate. This may be a helpful topic especially for perfectionists. Some excerpts from these articles follow (my emphases).
• Often misunderstood as self-indulgent, self-compassion, as defined by pioneering researcher Kristin Neff of the University of Texas at Austin, has three aspects: mindfulness of your own thoughts and feelings, a sense of a common humanity and treating your self kindly. Neff's book, Self-Compassion (William Morrow, 2011), was released in April, 2011.
• While artificially building self-esteem has recently been linked to a number of mental health problems, including narcissism and emotional fragility, self-compassion is associated with resilience, enhanced energy levels, creativity and general life success.
• Researchers are finding the key to a happy and successful life is resilience, that is, being able to rebound in the face of difficulties. And the key to resilience is self-compassion.

.
• 365 Days of Happiness (about) posts some of the many things the author is grateful for every day. It was inspired by 365 grateful: a documentary about the extraordinary power of gratitude.
.
• The Happy Guy website contains lots of breezy and helpful suggestions. His "Happiness is ... a Gratitude Journal" may be helpful too.
. .
• The Happy Seeker is a blog by Christopher Foster that illustrates "Happiness is inner peace." He posts lots of encouraging articles for the older generation, especially when facing the fear of aging and troubled times.
• His articles "How to find Inner Peace [through mindfulness and meditation]," "35 Steps to Happiness and Inner Peace" and "Be kind to yourself—as the winds of change roar" may be helpful places to start.
• He also provides lots of links to related material on obtaining and retaining a happy, cheerful and contented outlook as we get older. Thanks Christopher.

•  The Barking Up The Wrong Tree blog (about) posts some very interesting and helpful entries.
• How To Stop Feeling Guilty: 5 Secrets Backed by Research. This article relies heavily on Burns (above).
• This Is The Most Inspiring Way To Be Happier And More Motivated. It involves being elevated or up-lifted: (1) Watch inspiring movies: Seeing stories of others doing good makes you happier and makes you want to be good. (2) Write about the good moments: Thinking’s nice but writing is better. And (3) Spend time with good people: Hang out with the good kids, like mom told you. Do good to be good: Be the one who elevates others and karma can be a very real thing.
• This Is The Lazy Way To Kill Bad Habits: 8 Secrets From Research. "One paper ... found that more than 40 percent of the actions people performed each day weren’t actual decisions, but habits." And kill bad habits one at a time (my emphasis): "If you try to transform everything at once, it tends to be very, very destabilizing. In general, "... this is a behavior that’s really important, changing it will have this huge impact on your life. It’s worth spending a month to change one behavior permanently. You’re going to be reaping the benefits of that for the next decade." Then work on the next one. This article refers to Charles Duhigg's book "The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business" (Amazon's blurb).
• This is How To Be Productive Without Being Miserable: 8 Proven Secrets. The first entry is: "Start the day happy: How you wake is how you work. Having a little fun early means better results later." And the second entry is: "Scrub your way to creativity: Bring a challenge into the shower and come out with a solution." Work on both before even peeking at your phone or your email.
  

• Zen Habits posts "A Guide to Escaping Materialism and Finding Happiness" and "The Incredible Power of Contentment" which contain lots of helpful hints.
.
• The Coaching Toward Happiness eNewsletter is "a free monthly e-mail newsletter on applying positive psychology to your coaching, work and life." Lots of helpful stuff.

.
• The Positivity Blog posts Henrik Edberg's "How to Find Happiness: 7 Timeless Tips from the Last 2500 Years", "How to Improve Your Relationships: 7 Awesome Tips from the Last 1900 Years", "How to Handle Criticism: The Top 7 Tips from The Last 2500 Years" and lots of other, well, positive, stuff. [The Positivity Blog is "focused on positivity and opening up new possibilities through motivating and practical articles on how to improve your life."]
• Edberg's 7 tips for happiness are: [1]_You Choose, [2]_Focus on the present, not yesterday or tomorrow, [3]_Don’t forget to be grateful, [4]_Help someone else find happiness, [5]_Get rid of a couple of your less valuable desires, [6]_Do what you like to do, and [7]_At least do something.
• The Positivity Blog also posts several articles with comments which may be of interest.
• Six Tools to Enjoy Your Job Like a Zen Monk.
• How to Improve Your Social Skills.
• 3 Good Reasons to Stop Thinking So Much, And How to Do It.
• How To Stop Replaying Old Arguments in your mind.
• Norman Vincent Peale’s Top 10 Positive Pearls of Wisdom.
• Think about what you want, not what you don´t want.
• How to Build a Great Day (steps you can start taking right now to help each day unfold in a more pleasant way).
• How to Harness Your Bounce: 9 Steps for Avoiding the Tigger Method of Finding Happiness.
• ... and many more. Definitely worth a stop. You can also sign up for their newsletter.

.
.
• Bruce Price, in his short but uplifting Notes on the Spiritual Life: Strategies for Happiness, reduces the main attitudes taught by all religions to these three:
• look toward ourselves in humility,
• look toward others with compassion and sympathy, and
• look toward the universe or God in gratitude, ...
noting that "if we can incorporate these attitudes into our daily life, we will find ourselves feeling better about life."
Part 2 of the same article, "Living in the Present" (same web page) is also interesting and helpful. Both are short.

• The Greater Good Science Center is a non-profit organization at UC Berkeley that promotes the study and development of human happiness, compassion and altruism.

• The Positive Way website (about) posts many helpful hints, mainly concerning relationships. It includes Guidelines for Living A Happier Life (change yourself, not others; accept yourself; learn the lessons; etc.). You can sign up for their free Relationship Foundations Weekly newsletter. The site has some commercial content.
• Their list of Twenty-five Terrific Tips to Reduce Holiday Stress can help both at holiday time and at other times when stress seems to be mounting. By reducing the stress we can make more room for happier activities and more pleasant moments.
• They also post 25 Steps for Developing Self-esteem. Lots of good ideas here, including their Self-esteem Recommended Reading list, and Self-esteem - What is it?

.
• Always Well Within is a blog (about) by Sandra Lee which "focuses on personal transformation for people who aren't afraid to think deeply, explore their inner world, and create positive change from the inside out - for themselves and for the world." Read a few of her Top Articles, subscribe if you want, and enjoy. Lots of good stuff here (including comments from others), especially for those who want to be proactive about changing to a happier state of mind over the long term. Here are a few entries to get you started.
• What Is True Happiness? - Eliminate negative attitudes, actions, and words. Adopt positive attitudes, actions, and words. Reconnect with your true nature ... through the practice of meditation.
• Happiness Is An Inside Job - part of a series on inner and outer harmony based on advice from the Dalai Lama.
• 21 Ways to Simply Be - related to meditative practices.
• ... and there are lots more.
.
• Dr. David G. Myers posts "Want a Happier Life?" with a few sentences on each of 10 topics, excerpted from his book The Pursuit of Happiness.
• Realize that enduring happiness doesn't come from success.
• Take control of your time.
• Act happy.
• Seek work and leisure that engages your skills.
• Join the "movement" movement.
• Give your body the sleep it wants.
• Give priority to close relationships.
• Focus beyond the self.
• Keep a gratitude journal.
• Nurture your spiritual self.

.
• Eddie Corbano posts My 7 Easy Principles For Living A Happier Life, along with lots of relationship-related ideas and articles.
• Find beauty in everything.
• Be thankful.
• Don’t judge and evaluate.
• Take part in sports (or some physical activity).
• Learn to meditate.
• Sometimes the easy way is the best.
• Start each day positively.

.
• James Montier, a “global equity strategist,” took a break from investing in order to publish a brief overview of existing research into The Psychology of Happiness [PDF; June 2004]. He cites a number of helpful "Dos" and "Don'ts" for improving happiness.
• Don’t equate happiness with money.
• Exercise regularly.
• Pursue and preserve a rewarding love relationship. It is the number one happiness asset.
• Devote time and effort to close relationships.
• Pause for reflection, meditate on the good things in life.
• Seek work that engages your skills, look to enjoy your job.
• Give your body the sleep it needs.
• Don’t pursue happiness for its own sake; [instead, just] enjoy the moment.
• Take control of your life, set yourself achievable goals.
• Remember to follow all the [above] rules [consistently].

.
• The Get Rich Slowly blog posts "The Psychology of Happiness: 13 Steps to a Better Life." One of his salient points is that humans are able to synthesize happiness simply by becoming more content with what we already have. The 13 steps are as follows.
•   1. Don’t compare yourself to others.
•   2. Foster close relationships.
•   3. Pursue and preserve a rewarding love relationship. It is the number one source of happiness.
•   4. Get regular exercise.
•   5. Obtain adequate sleep.
•   6. Set and pursue goals. Continued self-improvement makes life more fulfilling.
•   7. Find meaningful work.
•   8. Join a group.
•   9. Don’t dwell on the past. Focus on the here and now: it is the only place/time you can enjoy your happiness.
• 10. Embrace routine.
• 11. Practice moderation.
• 12. Be grateful. When we regularly take time to be thankful for the things we have, we appreciate them more.
• 13. Help others. [Many] studies have shown that altruism is one of the best ways to boost your happiness.

.
• The First 30 Days website (mission) has lots of tips on making positive changes in life. It is never too late to make a change for the better.
• One article lists the top five things to do to be happier.

.
• Cheryl Carson has posted an article "Forgiveness: The Healing Gift We Give Ourselves"; Christian themes}. She describes the value of taking this journey to inner peace, and tells informative stories about choosing to take offense (or not), and about a painter who always made his own lunch, yet complained about it every day. By choosing not to judge, hold grudges, etc., we free ourselves for better thoughts and feelings that lead to greater happiness [see also the note on thought control among the notes on the "Let go of ... baggage" item above].
• Remember (from the notes on forgiveness, etc., above) that "you are not condoning the bad actions of your enemies, letting them off in any sense, or even thinking about letting them back into your life. You are just 'letting go' [see also the more general notes on the "Let go of ... baggage" item above] to help yourself."

.
• Dr. Flora Morris Brown posts the Color Your Life Happy blog (about) with a zillion articles and videos (some pop-ups and commercial clutter) and ideas all "dedicated to helping you discover that happiness is not something you find, but something you must be." She defines "happiness to mean a deep joy that comes from making good choices in your life. Good choices are those that enable you to do what is fun, fulfilling and pleasurable to you. Happiness is also choosing to stop doing what you don’t like and avoiding toxic people and draining situations."
• Her article "Your Happiness is Up to You" rang true to me in many respects. It was posted on the Life Optimizer blog (about). It is a bit slow; I thought it was worth the wait.
.

.
• Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer {and currently with his "Cesar 911" TV show (about)}, actually has more than one connection to our quest for greater happiness, peace and contentment. One connection is that he tells dog owners that they project their state of mind to their dogs; and the dogs are unfailingly and exactly correct when they sense what their owners are thinking. When the owner is practicing what Cesar calls "calm-assertive" pack leadership (and what the military calls "command presence"), the dog immediately assumes his role as a balanced, happy member of the pack, following his leader. When the owner is tentative, apprehensive or fearful, the dog immediately senses that there is no pack leader, assumes that role (usually mis-behaving, as viewed by the owner), and the discord between owner and dog is perpetuated. The point here is this concrete and testable example of the effect of mere mental discipline: you get the product of what you are thinking. Watch either of the Dog Whisperer or the "Cesar 911" (about) TV shows a few times; you will be amazed at the consistency of the results. And perhaps it will help you to see the strong connection between what you think and what you get that applies to life more generally.
• Another connection that the Dog Whisperer brings us is that each segment is invariably about a really decent person who is very patiently dedicated to the welfare of their dog, and about whom we can have good feelings. That can help us with the happiness benefits that come from developing kind and generous thoughts about others as described in the remarks about forgiveness, goodwill and loving kindness in the notes on being thankful and grateful, ... above.
• Yet another connection that Cesar brings us is his good advice to "just live in the now." See the Notes on "Focus on the here and now ...," above. Your dog has already mastered it.

.

• The Healthy Place posts an article focusing on Overcoming Depression and Finding Happiness, and many others dealing with mental health issues.

• LifeRemix (about) is a network of "bloggers who enrich people's lives through blogging." They select blogs based on the quality of the writing; and their list of blogs is growing.

• LiveScience (about) posts a couple of interesting articles:
• "5 Things That Will Make You Happier."
• "Why Religion Makes People Happier" suggests that it is not so much the theology, but rather the church friendship circles that bring meaning and greater happiness to those who attend religious services regularly.
  

• Remember also to look for things to laugh about. See the item on making it a habit to practice laughter (above).
  
  .

• Here are a few "see also" items that may be of additional interest, ... including some cautions.

• Why social snubs usually backfire and 'Mean Girls' Be Warned: Ostracism Cuts Both Ways - just be kind and accepting of others always.

• Julie Singh of Trip Outside (about) posts "13 Remarkable Health Benefits of Getting Outdoors," with listed benefits such as boosting life satisfaction, improving sleep quality, increasing happiness generally, increasing social interaction (a known happiness boost for many), plus lots of others.

• Gabriel Fairman at Thrive Global (about) has posted "4 Ways My Smartphone Has Sucked the Soul Out of Me, and How I’m Fighting Back," Reclaiming my time has started with setting boundaries.
  
• This thoughtful article will help you to see how your smartphone may be interfering with your happiness quest; and it offers lots of interesting suggesed remedies.

• Be cautious about The Social Media Addiction Bubble. Scrolling through your Social Media feed may bring comfort at times; but it can also increase anxiety. And in some people, it can create a habit that, in the longer run, can decrease their happiness levels.
  

• Loraine Centeno has posted "How to Stop Social Media Envy From Taking Over Your Life." She suggests that "rather than getting buried in jealousy over the experiences others seem to be enjoying and posting about, here’s how you can fight the nagging feeling of social media envy ..."
  

• Real Life magazine has posted "Influencer Creep: Self-documenting and self-branding are becoming basic to all forms of work." by Sophie Bishop. Initially, she points out, "influencers ... were often positioned as risky and unpredictable, operating in a messy and frequently scandalous online Wild West." But as the online world matured, and became somewhat more consistent, the demands become increasingly more comprehensive. And "[t]he mark of influencer creep is the on-edge feeling that you have not done enough for social media platforms: that you can be more on trend, more authentic, more responsive — always more. It lodges in the back of your mind: film more, post more, respond more, share more. And as with mission creep, there is no apparent way out." These changes serve the financial and other interests of the platforms; and all of us who use these platforms need to be vigilant to be sure our own interests are also served.
  
  

.
.
.
Return to Table of Contents for this page. Go to Top..||..Happier Life..||..Summary..||..Bottom. 
.
__________________________________________
.
.

.
.
______ . Footnotes: . 1 - Adapted from Sri Ramakrishna: "The winds of grace are always blowing; but you must raise a sail." . 2 - Helen Keller (1880-1968; Wikipedia entry). . 3 - Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, Daily Inspiration for 23 July 2008. . 4 - Abraham Lincoln (born in 1809; 16th President of U.S.A. 1861-1865; Wikipedia entry). . 5 - Adapted from Victor E. Frankl: "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." This quote was also adapted by Covey in The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness, page 42. . 6 - Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, Daily Inspiration for 21 November 2008.

.
.
.
.
. Return to the Table of Contents or the TOP of this page.
Return to the Meek's HOMEPAGE. .
.
___________________________________________________________________
.