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Happy SmileChet Meek's Page of Puns - Ver 2

... word plays, catchy phrases, and other foolishness.


I take no credit for this material. I am only the collector. Most have come from the Usenet Newsgroup alt.humor.puns; but others have crept in from misc.writing, alt.callahans, humor mailing lists and other contributors. I have made no attempt at attribution (please forgive; ... we only rarely know the original author anyway). Despite that, some show attribution. Where it was there, I kept it.
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Newest ones are added at the top in each category.
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Go to Other Pun Pages.
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Go to Puns, Word Plays and Related Madness. They are all short.
Go to "For the Younger Set." Only a few for now. If you send some, I will try to post them.
Go to "By the Younger Set." Only a few for now here too. Please send more.
Go to the Shaggy Dog Stories. They are longer, but there are a lot fewer.
Go to the Jokes of Most Any Sort. They are what was left over.
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Other Pun Pages:

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Puns, Word Plays and Related Madness:


Now for the younger set:

Bar with running dragon.
  
1.     A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two-tired.

2.     A will is a dead giveaway.

3.     Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4.     A backward poet writes inverse.

5.     No trees have been killed in sending you this email, but a lot of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

6.     When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

7.     The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

8.     You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

9.     He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

10.   A calendar's days are numbered.

11.   A boiled egg is hard to beat.

12.   He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

13.   Don't join dangerous cults: practice safe sects.

14.   Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

15.   When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

16.   If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

17.   When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

18.   Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

19.   Acupuncture is a jab well done.

20.   Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer de agony of de feet.

21.   The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

22.   I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

23.   She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

24.   A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

25.   No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

26.   A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

27.   Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

28.   A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

29.   Atheism is non-prophet.

30.   I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

31.   A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

32.   A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'



Here are some BY the Younger Set:

Here are some kids' views on Angels:


L-O-N-G puns (or Shaggy Dog Stories):


And Finally Some Jokes of Most Any Sort:

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Return to the Puns, Word Plays and Related Madness.
Return to For The Younger Set. Only a few for now. If you send more, I'll add them.
Return to By The Younger Set. Only a few for now here, too. Send a contribution.
Return to the Shaggy Dog Stories.
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[Return to Table of Contents; Go to Top | Bottom]
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Return to Table of Contents for this page. ..... Return to TOP of this page.
Return to the Meek Family HOME PAGE, or to the Puns Index page.
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Title: Puns; Word plays; Other Nonsense and Foolishness; Humor; Jokes; Good Clean Fun - Volume 2.
The primary URL for this page is at:  http://www.GoChet.ca/puns_v2.htm
Page maintained by: Chet Meek, cmeek@ocii.com ... direct e- mail.
Page last updated: 10 September 2014 (Sm 2.26.n ff, w/SC; Win7pOnLower case Lambda - 16 high, transparent
              background). Page created: 15 October 1996.

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